Monday, June 9, 2008

Poop & Your Player of the Day

Literal:
Ever since the move last week, my fecal matter has developed a new odor. Don't get me wrong, this isn't a pleasant change or anything. My shit doesn't suddenly smell like flowers but it doesn't smell like my crap anymore either. It's a poop smell I've encountered in public restrooms, but never from my own ass. Lately though, each deuce I drop surprises me so I thought maybe blogging about it would help me adjust to the new #2 development. I don't understand why this has happened. My diet is the same; I'm still eating plenty of peanut butter & beans. The only thing I can think of is the introduction of Orange Pop into my life. I've always enjoyed it, but lately I've gotten hooked. I can't imagine that would have this effect though. My favorites are Crush & Sunkist, but the smaller companies like Dr. Brown's & Nehi are pretty good too.

Metaphorical:
France just finished a rather mediocre (read really shitty) display in their opening match against Romania. The final score was 0-0 & I going to have to blame Domenech (the coach). They looked better towards the end when the younger players came on, but by starting w/ Anelka, Makelele, & Thuram, he really went for the old folks. They're going to need a jolt of creativity, namely going w/ more younger players & moving Ribery into a more central role if they plan to get out of the group stage. Of course, a draw today in the Italy v Netherlands match will leave things all even, but I can't imagine Romania will get a draw out of their games w/ either of them. As for the official Visions of Ypsi Player of the Day, I'll have to wait until after the Italy/Netherlands game because no one from France or Romania did enough to warrant the honor. As for the 1st 2 days of the tournament, I forgot to do this so in retrospect I need to name the players of the days now. On Day 1, I have to go w/ Pletikosa, the Croatian goalie. After seeing only 1 of the games yesterday, I feel a little awkward awarding this, but considering how well he played, we're going w/ Podolski, the German striker who notched up a brace against Poland.

Pletikosa... ready to crush some skulls

Podolski: he either just found out about this award or he won ABBA tickets

8 comments:

biscodo said...

You should try adding beets to your diet. Not only do the wonders of free trade froderlings and organic houskanii frutuperate the high-fiber and free-radical scavenging qualities of foncabulours... they also turn your poo magenta.

Maybe it's a quantity thing, but I had two baked beets the other night. The next morning, not only did the delightful pink color of my morning piss get me wondering if I was bleeding into my bladder, but an hour later after a dooker I stood up from the throne, only to bear witness to trippy excrement. The "underwater beet halo" occurred as the purpleness slowly dissolved out of the top half of the two-tone turd, making for the closest I've ever gotten to taking a picture of it. I think it would have done pretty well as a submission to Rate My Poo.

Of course, I imagine it would be possible to improve on this by adding corn for a tri-color effect...

stephanie said...

I think it's more likely the smell of the new house, or maybe something up with your nose. I haven't noticed you smelling like a stranger. Not that I go in there and sniff around, mind you... but thats just something you notice.

Warren said...

Didn't you know that most manufacturers of orange pop put in asparagus juice as a viscosity agent?

Andre said...

If that were the case, my pee would smell different.

Happy Housewife said...

Perhaps it's the water? Regardless of being still in the city, the pipes may change the chemical make-up of the water slightly.

Or perhaps it's just that you are a weird poopsmellin mo'fo.

Elizabeth said...

Maybe your just gross...

Daye said...

Beets??? oh honestly!!! do boys ever grow up?? (in all honesty I do have tears from laughing so hard). Maybe the high fructose corn syrup (from all the sodapop) poop is what makes the public restroom smell?

PS
Sad pandas RE France--what a bummer

Andre said...

Maybe "your" in need of a spelling lesson.