Thursday, May 31, 2007
Zorro the Gay Blade 1981: A fun little spoof with a gay Zorro
The Pirate Movie 1982: A shit-ass musical about pirates
Yellowbeard 1983: A not so funny spoof w/ some Pythons
The Meaning of Life 1983*: A funny as hell movie where the Pythons portray some accountants as pirates at war w/ other accountants.
Star Wars: Return of the Jedi 1983*: #3
Ice Pirates 1984: Space age pirates doing space age stuff.
The Goonies 1985*: Awesome!
Summer Rental 1985: John Candy teams up w/ a pirate/ seafood restaurant owner while on vacation in FLA.
The Princess Bride 1987*: A pirate and a princess fight a 6 fingered man and a total douchebag. It reunited Christopher Guest w/ Rob Reiner after their triumph w/ This is Spinal Tap.
Treasure Island 1990: Charleton Hesten as Long John Silver... from his cold, dead wooden leg.
Hook 1991: An interesting update to the Peter Pan story.
The Three Musketeers 1993*: The best version of this story featuring Tim Curry as the Cardinal played just like he played Frank-N-Furter.
Cutthroat Island 1995: An odd but not so good feminist update of the Captain Blood story.
Muppet Treasure Island 1996*: The only puppet based film on the list.
The Man in the Iron Mask 1998: The Musketeers are great but DiCaprio's job may be his worst ever.
The Mask of Zorro 1998*: The best Zorro movie ever, and it features Catherine Zeta Jones so it's got that going for it too.
Star Wars: The Phantom Menace 1999*: Important in terms of the saga, but kind of shitty.
The Count of Monte Cristo 2002: A really good remake w/ the guy who played Jesus in The Passion of the Christ.
Star Wars: Attack of the Clones 2002*: One of my favorites in the saga.
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl 2003*: The main reason a list like this is necessary.
Mickey and the The Three Musketeers 2004: I'm not proud of this one... Mickey, Donald and Goofy as the musketeers.
The Legend of Zorro 2005: A shitty sequel to a really good movie.
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith 2005*: Action, action, action with great sword fights.
Pirates 2006: The only XXX movie on the list. Janine is as hot as ever... and so are the sex scenes.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest 2006*: A nice cliffhanger to bridge the story w/ the third film.
Pirates of the Caribbean: A World’s End 2007: See my review below.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Captain Blood 1935*: While not the first pirate film, this one set the standard for all to follow. Errol Flynn in his defining role.
The Mark of Zorro 1940*: The first, but not the last, non-pirate movie on the list. It's interesting to watch Tyrone Power try to be Errol Flynn and fail miserably.
The Sea Hawk 1940*: Interestingly, many of the action scenes from Captain Blood were spliced in here to add to the excitement
The Son of Monte Cristo 1941: Not at all a very good movie.
The Black Swan 1942: I saw it a few years ago but I don't remember much.
Captain Kidd 1945*: Charles Laughton as an over the hill Captain Kidd... interesting but not fantastic.
The Three Musketeers 1948: A fantastic Gene Kelly vehicle where he was able to use his dance choreography to orchestrate the fight scenes
The Pirates of Capri 1949 An early spaghetti swashbuckler that isn't worth seeing.
Treasure Island 1950*: Disney's first pirate film which lead to the development of the "Pirates of the Caribbean" attraction at Disney World which in turn lead to the creation of the recent Johnny Depp films which in turn created the recent pirate buzz which in turn makes it important to construct a list like this so you, gentle reader, can get a little background in the swashbuckler genre.
The Crimson Pirate 1952: Burt Lancaster and some circus freak made this as thinly vieled leftist propaganda. It's a fun little movie too w/ some silly fight scenes. Also, the scene where Lancaster and his circus budy overturn a longboat and create an air pocket so they can move around underwater was used in The Curse of the Black Pearl when Jack and Will commandeer the Interceptor.
Against all flags 1952: Not a very good Errol Flynn film.
Peter Pan 1953*: The first animater film on the list.
The Master of Ballantrae 1954*: Errol Flynn's final pirate movie
Long John Silver’s Return 1954*: An atrocious sequal to a great film.
Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea 1954: Kirk Douglass gets to sing the song "A Whale of a Tale" and they fight a huge octopus... obviously influencial on Dead Man's Chest.
Davy Crockett and the River Pirates 1956*: Admittedly, a bit of a stretch, but Davy and Mike Fink team up to fight pirates on the old Mississippi.
The Swiss Family Robinson 1960: Tree forts and pirates... what else could one ask for?
Pirates of Tortuga 1961*: ehh.
A High Wind From Jamaica 1965*: ehh... again.
Blackbeard’s Ghost 1968: I saw this when I was 6 at the Disney World camp ground and my mom was preggers w/ my brother. I have no recollection at all.
The Three Musketeers 1973: A very close adaptation of the first half of the novel w/ Richard Chamberlain as Aramis, Peter York as D'Artagnan, Christopher Lee as Rochefort, and Charleton Heston as Cardinal Richelieu. It was finished w/ The Four Musketeers a year later.
Zorro 1975*: Another spaghetti swashbuckler. It's interesting, but it's pacing is really slow.
The Count of Monte Cristo 1975: Another Richard Chamberlain Dumas film
Swashbuckler 1976: A fun movie w/ Robert Shaw and James Earl Jones... he made this while also doing the voice for Darth Vader.
The Man in the Iron Mask 1977: The final Richard Chamberlain Dumas film
Star Wars: A New Hope 1977*: The first of the sci/fi films on the list and equal to Captain Blood in terms of influence and importance.
The second half of the list will come tomorrow.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Saturday, May 26, 2007
In book news, I've been reading Searching for the Sound, Phil Lesh's autobiography. It came out a few years ago, but @ the time I thought, "The last thing I need is another book about the Dead." It turns out (mark your calenders) I was wrong. I found it at Borders for 5 bucks and have been tearing through it this week. He spends a lot of time discussing his influences in jazz & classical; it's like a crash course in Western music. He also spends a lot of time relating crazy drug stories which always make me think, "It's been 15 years; maybe I should try some acid again." (Mark your calenders again... 2 wrongs in one post.)
Finally, it's PIRATE WEEK here at Visions of Ypsi. I watched Dead Man's Chest again the other day in preperation for seeing At World's End today. I'm going w/ my Dad and my Brother, but 1st we're hitting Olga's for some lunch. I smell another good day. Be sure to check back all week for more pirate info including a list of Swashbucklers you need to see & some memories about my first time on the ride at Disneyworld when I was a kid.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
When he came home, he talked up the trip to my sister and her husband, & now they are moving to Japan for a year to teach English. That should be pretty cool for them. the program through which they're going in connected w/ the school where she just finished subbing & so this will keep her in the district until next year when the main art teacher retires. "Why is an art teacher teaching English?" you ask: because she's allowed to in this ESL program, that's why. They'll get a place to stay and all of their basics taken care of so they'll be nicely set for the next year. I lose them from my soccer team though, so that kinda sucks.
In the wake of all of this, my brother had to go out of town for business last week and I again took care of his animals. But this time I "took care of them" in the mafia sense of the phrase.The filter on his fish tank stopped working and at least three fish died. Every time I stopped by there was another sinker &/or floater to deal w/. I'm surprised more didn't die due to the deathly fish that were in the water. I feel horrible about it, but at least Jackie Gleason and Burt Reynolds made it through alright. And due to the circumstances under which they died, I'm going to keep on blaming the filter.
Friday, May 18, 2007
All of you who are thinking of going to Dunegrass
I was talking about it w/ Stacey the other day and it seemed like an open discussion would be a good idea. What days are you all planning to go? Is anyone thinking that all 4 would be a good idea? I'm personally planning to go Friday and Saturday and then to take the kids camping in Petoskey on Sunday night. If you get the Fri/Sat/Sun tix, Thurs is free, but Thurs is looking a bit low-key. As of right now, it sounds like Dawn, Shannon, Nikki, Stacey, Warren and Georgina all plan to go so I was thinking organizing some car-pooling might be a good idea. From what I understand, Dawn isn't planning to bring her son, but everyone else is bringing kids (other than Shannon, obviously).
Dark Star Orchestra
Yonder Mountain String Band
David Grisman Quintet
Peter Rowan Crucial Reggae
Great American Taxi
Steppin' In It
Here's a link to their myspace page too.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
In other Crotchety Old News, Jerry Falwell died yesterday. I don't think he is TCOB's father, but I suppose it wouldn't surprise me. side from founding the Moral Majority and being partially responsible for the election of Reagan and a bunch of evangelical congressmen, he is also responsible for a slew of fantastic sound-bites. In honor of that great man, I'll give you a few of them right now (w/ a little commentary, of course):
"The idea that religion and politics don't mix was invented by the Devil to keep Christians from running their own country."
---Sermon on July 4, 1976
(The obvious response concerns countries where religion and politics are completely intertwined, including Medieval Europe and the current Middle East. I have a hard tie believing he'd support those examples)
“If you’re not a born-again Christian, you’re a failure as a human being.”
(What about people who were raised Evangelical throughout their whole lives? They don't need to be born again; they were on board the first time.)
"I hope I live to see the day when, as in the early days of our country, we won't have any public schools. The churches will have taken them over again and Christians will be running them. What a happy day that will be!"
--- Jerry Falwell, 1979
(I suppose, non-Christian schools wouldn't count? Furthermore, in the days before public education, only about 5% of the population was educated and literate. W/o literacy, how would all those people read the Bible? I suppose they could just ask the Moral Majority what to believe.)
"You've got to kill the terrorists before the killing stops and I am for the President—chase them all over the world, if it takes ten years, blow them all away in the name of the Lord."
--- Jerry Falwell (Oct 24 2004)
(Hell Yes! I'm w/ him on this one: Blow them away in the name of the Lord!)
“And the fact that John Kerry would not support a federal marriage amendment prohibiting gay marriage, equates in our minds as someone 150 years ago saying I'm personally opposed to slavery, but if my neighbor wants to own one or two that's OK. We don't buy that."
--- Jerry Falwell (Nov 3, 2004)
(Here we have your run-of-the-mill "argument from analogy." Of course it doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but did Kerry ever even claim he was personally opposed to homosexuality? I find that hard to believe.)
"I listen to feminists and all these radical gals... These women just need a man in the house. That's all they need. Most of the feminists need a man to tell them what time of day it is and to lead them home. And they blew it and they're mad at all men. Feminists hate men. They're sexist. They hate men; that's their problem."
--- Jerry Falwell
(If it's their problem, I don't see why he needed to comment on this at all. Now in defense of Feminists, I was, believe it or not, told what time it was yesterday by two different feminists on 2 different occasions.)
“AIDS is the wrath of a just God against homosexuals. To oppose it would be like an Israelite jumping in the Red Sea to save one of Pharaoh’s charioteers. “
--- Jerry Falwell
(Another "argument from analogy" that makes no sense. Of course, we've heard this before & I kind of like it. When we consider the advancements that have already been made in AIDS research and the fact that the super-rich like Magic Johnson have basically beaten the disease, it seems like a cure is inevitable. That doesn't mean that it's right around the corner, nor does it mean that everyone will have immediate access to it, but if AIDS is the wrath of God and we can stop it, that suggests that God isn't omnipotent. Shouldn't God's wrath be unstoppable?)
“You'll be riding along in an automobile. You'll be the driver perhaps. You're a Christian. There'll be several people in the automobile with you, maybe someone who is not a Christian. When the trumpet sounds you and the other born-again believers in that automobile will be instantly caught away - you will disappear, leaving behind only your clothes and physical things that cannot inherit eternal life. That unsaved person or persons in the automobile will suddenly be startled to find the car suddenly somewhere crashes.... Other cars on the highway driven by believers will suddenly be out of control and stark pandemonium will occur on ... every highway in the world where Christians are caught away from the driver’s wheel.”
--- Jerry Falwell
(I saw a bumper sticker once that said, "In case of rapture, this car will be un-manned. I always thought it was funny. Now I know where it came from and I think it's even funnier.)
Well, I hope you enjoyed those fun quotes as much as I did. And may that Crotchety old fuck rest in peace... I can't imagine he ever even found out that the last laugh was really on him.
Friday, May 11, 2007
FUCK YOU and the family members to whom you were talking the whole time. The fact that you couldn't tell the other parents were getting more and more annoyed as the concert went on only shows your lack of social skills, or the fact that you were just really focused on getting a sandwich afterwards.
The other thing that happened was that my son's class sang "Yankee Doodle Dandy." I only mention this because I'd never really thought about the lyrics before, but young Yankee Doodle is gay. It's even right there in the title yet I've never heard anyone discuss it. As far as I know, that's the only definition of a "dandy." When I asked my ex why he is referred to as a dandy, she asked why he calls a feather a noodle. My only explanation is that he has "noodle" on the brain. Check out this painting by Norman Rockwell; even he seems to portray Yankee Doodle as queer. And to think assholes like George Bush work so hard to keep homosexuals out of the military, all the while, the poster-boy for our patriotic fighting force is, you know... "one of those types."
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
In other tire news, Stacey and Georgina turned me on to Red Tulip the other day. I think they found it @ the Beer Fest last winter. In fact, it’s possible that I tried it there too, but I tried a lot that day so remembering one is a bit much to expect of me. It has a nice caramel-Tootsie Roll taste like Fat Tire Amber, & I hadn’t had Fat Tire since a Dead show in Columbus a few years ago. It’s a fantastic find. I wish the Fat Tire was available in the Mid-West, but for now it’s nice to have a similar local beer.