Monday, March 30, 2009

Events of the Day

It turns out, "Friend of the Devil" went all the way to the top. Here's the video, but I can't find a video of the interview segment... or the O'Reilly segment. I didn't get to see it today because, while I was actually home & perched in front of my TV, The View was preempted by Obama's speech. I know I should have been more interested in what he had to say, but I just kept hoping it would end so they could get back to The View before The Dead were on.

In other news regarding my inability to see the big picture, 22 people died when a wall collapsed @ a World Cup qualifier in Cote d'Ivore this weekend. I heard about it on w/ the headline "Tragedy Overshadows Qualifiers" w/ a picture of Kolo Toure (who plays for Ivory Coast & has been captaining Arsenal in Fabregas's stead until he returns from injury). Anyway, I saw the picture & assumed he'd gotten hurt. When I saw what actually happened, the 1st think to go through my head was, "Oh, good... it as just some random people." I'm not proud. Seriously, I'm pretty disturbed by my reaction.

Speaking of reactions, while the rest of the world was enjoying Oberon Day, I was @ Nicola's where I heard this rather one-sided conversation between a woman & her little kid. (By the front of the store, there's a bin of large 4-Square bouncy balls.)
"Hey, look at these balls!
"aren't these great balls?
"Do you like these balls?
"These balls are so soft and squishy!
"Come here and squeeze these balls!
"Don't you just love these balls?
"OOOHHHH, they smell nice too!
"Did you smell the balls?
"Come smell the balls!
"These balls smell so good."

I wanted to shout, "Stop saying balls!!!" but I decided I just had to go to the back of the store and get the Hell out of that situation. That MILF was lovin' balls!

Friday, March 27, 2009


There aren't enough Sham-Wows in the world to clean up this mess. Vince Shlomi, your Sham-Wow specialist, was arrested recently for beating up a hooker. Apparently, she bit his tongue and wouldn't let go so he punched her in the face. The problem w/ the tactic seem 2-fold though. 1st, when punching someone in the face while one's tongue is still in said person's mouth seems dangerous... like an uppercut could slice the tip of the puncher's tongue clear off. 2nd, it's always been my belief that prostitutes didn't kiss... why was his tongue in her mouth to begin w/? Admittedly, I have no experience w/ them, but in Action Jackson, there's an elderly gentleman who refuses to kiss a woman due to his false teeth; however, she assumes it's because he thinks she's a whore and would therefore not kiss him back. Of course, once this is worked out, they fall in love & live as happily ever after as any secondary character in Action Jackson could. Maybe the Sham-Wow dude never saw Action Jackson; had he sen it, he may not have gotten into this odd little predicament. Of course, this means that I've seen Action Jackson enough times to be able to reference it on my blog. The 2nd time was only because it was on after The Death of the Incredible Hulk... or possibly The Trial of the Incredible Hulk. I know I saw them both, but 20 years later, I must apologize for my inability to tell them apart. A better man would know the difference. I bet Vince Shlomi knows the difference.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Old People

Old people music
We were listening to "Cryptical"> "Other One" from The Fillmore east 2-11-69 this morning as I was taking the kids to school. I was informed that The Grateful Dead are sooo 20th Century! I reminded them about the great time the had when we saw the Dead a few years ago & Aiden reminded me he fell asleep out of boredom... Solstice claims to have pretended to like. She was (so she says) bored out of her mind. They wondered why I am so unwilling to listen to cool music that is popular which made me realize that the last time I heard "The Other One" on the radio was never & maybe they're right. I hadn't listened to the GD in quite a while, in fact I've been listening to less & less music in general. I remember my parents preferring to listen to the news in the car & it drove me nuts. I just wanted to hear Thriller again. Maybe I'm becoming my parents as I deprive my kids of mediocre pop-crap.
Old People Houses
In Berkshire, south east England, an 18 year old kid was tired of his parents' old million pound estate. Apparently it was too boring & common for him. He did what any genius in his position would do... he painted a huge cock on the roof so he could see it on Google Earth. It's a strange looking cock though... like it had a Prince Albert ripped out of the tip by an angry whore.
Old people television
In other Gwateful Dead news, Bobby, Phil & Wawwen will be on The View Monday along w/ Bill O'Weilly. I highly doubt they'll be allowed to confront Bill O, & I would pwefer Bill Kreutzman to Bill O'Weilly, but eitha way it's pwetty funny. Supposedly, they get a music segment where they'll play an acoustic song & then they'll get an interview segment. Whoopi must be over the moon, but Baba Wawwa will have to say "Jerry Garcia" which, I imagine, she's been pwacticing all week.
I made a bracket of 64 GD tunes in an attempt to figure out what they'll play. In the end, it seems the final 4 are "Touch of Grey" (in honor of all the grey haired women who watch the show), "Cassidy" (in an attempt to get Hasslebeck to name her baby after a Dead song... & half the dogs in any GD Parking Lot), "Liberty" (w/ Bill O' on cowbell... that would be something!), & "Friend of the Devil" (in honor of Hasslebeck's & O'Reilly's friendship w/ GWB). I'm still pulling for an underdog though; a half hour "Dark Star" would be fantastic.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

MLS Fantasy League

For those of you who have been excited to find out that Becks is staying in LA, or those of you who have been holding your breath in anticipation of Freddie Ljungberg's debut in Seattle, or those of you who just love watching Landon Donovan fail, I made a fantasy league. Go Here to register your team & then sign up in the league: DB MLS. The password is "Ladycakes." The 1st games were tonight so we've missed out on a few possible points, but as long as you register Friday, we'll all be set to star on Saturday.

PS Based on those links above, I wanna suggest that if the MLS stars tried wearing more clothes, they might be better soccer players.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

St. Patrick's Day

After I dropped the kids off @ school, we walked down to Sidetrack only to find out they aren't opening this morning until 11:00 (5 minutes from when I type this) so we turner around & went to The Corner for their 4$ all you can eat breakfast buffet (bagels & Lucky Charms). We also tried the Corned Beef Hash. I hadn't eaten any meat since the bite of Haggis on Burns' Night, & it turns out I could have left it that way. It seemed like a towel that had been sitting in a damp tub... I could have rung out the fat w/ my hands. Needless to say, we didn't finish it. Their stout, on the other hand, was great. They've made 3 new ones for today, The Lucky Charms Stout, The Western Imperial Stout & the Roasted Marshmallow Stout.

* The LCS came equipped w/ a few LC marshmallows on top. Stephanie liked it a lot, claiming it was very "stouty," but after I had the WIS, the LCS seemed to lack body & depth. I enjoyed it though once I could taste it.
* The WIS is fantastic!!! Get there today & have a few. It doesn't seem as though they'll keep it long term, but maybe w/ enough begging, we can change their minds. Do yourself a favor & drink 1 or 6.
* The RMS was interesting & a nice novelty, but I wouldn't drink it all the time. It was made by suspending roasted marshmallows over the mash as it was fermenting which then oozed down into the goop. It has a sweet nose & a nice roasted marshmallow finish just as he claimed it would.

The whole time we were there, Isaiah sat in his stroller & ate bagels. He had a good time & even sparked the interest of the younger kids, 1 of which went so far as to snap a few pics of him. He was decked out in his St. Patrick's day attire & I'm sure Stephanie will post a pic of him today... super awesome!

In other St. Patrick's Day news, Arsenal faces Hull City this afternoon @ The Emirates in the FA Cup Quarter Finals. A win will put them through to the Semis against Chelsea @ Wembley. It's been a great week for them, making it through to the Quarter Finals in Europe & hammering Blackburn 4-0, here's to hoping they can keep it up.

Here are some fun Holiday links:
  • St. Patrick's Day Home Page
  • The History of St. Patrick's Day from The History Channel
  • The Guinness Home Page
  • Murphy's Home Page
  • The Jameson Homepage
  • A chick w/ Shamrocks on her titties
  • A good article about green beer... I like point 2
  • Monday, March 16, 2009

    Shoe Polish

    I'm not sure where to start this post, so I guess I'll just begin @ the beginning. Wendy's Harry Potter folks hosted a Harry Potter themed Ball on Friday which featured costumes & a couple of Wizard Rock bands whose names I don't recall. I wouldn't necessarily recommend them, though the "headliner" did seem to possess a little talent. I couldn't believe how many songs about those books people could write. It was like Rocky Horror for sober virgins. The 1st band sounded like The Who, every song was like "Pinball Wizard" (except the Pete Townshend cover which we had a hard time placing). The main thing to come from it was that I decided that if I were to read the books, which I can't see ever happening, I'd be a Slytherin kid... whatever that means. Rather than dressing like a character I'd never heard of, & apropos of nothing what-so-ever, I just wore the tartan kilt & all the effects... skean dhu, dirk, flashers, sporran, etc. This finally brings us to the point of the story. I had to polish my black shoes beforehand which hadn't been done in quite a while (& now I think I'll have to polish my soccer shoes soon too). Although I spent the next couple hours smelling like I'd just made a sign reading, "I assure you, we're open," they look fantastic. However, I'm afraid I've become a different person over the last few years. I was walking out of my office this morning & tripped on a crack in the sidewalk. My 1st concern wasn't "oh, no... who saw that?" or "Ouch!," but rather, "Shit, did I scuff my shoe?" As it turns out, my shoe came through it all unscathed so I guess I'll be able to make it a few more days before I have to break out the polish again. If only my soul came through it all unscathed too.

    Thursday, March 12, 2009

    MC Joaquin

    According to the Daily Mail (& a million other sources) Joaquin Phoenix has vowed to quit acting & follow his new dream... being a hip-hop artist. He performed a set in Miami the other night & according to the gossip pages looked rather "disheveled." Apparently, that term is synonymous "bearded." Why is it that men w/ beards are always accused of being wasted... or suicidal. Al Gore grew one for a bit a few years ago & people went ape-shit... "He must have something to hide." As soon as people grow beards, they are put in the same category as Osama bin Laden & Ted Kaczynski (oddly enough, the Unibomber didn't even have a beard). Like Joaquin Phoenix, I too once dreamt of becoming a hip-hop star; my rap name was "A Plu$," & my friend & I used to write lyrics all the time. Another kid even got a small mixing board thing w/ the plans of being our DJ. I don't recall the name he went by, but Marques was Question Mark. Since high school, I've only seen him 3 times, & 2 of those times involved seeing Chuck D: once w/ Public Enemy @ the Palace & once @ Pease Auditorium when he spoke on campus a few years ago. With this in mind, Joaquin's burly hip-hop persona is inspiring me. Maybe it's time to pursue that long lost goal. I want everyone to call me "A Plu$" from now on... Word up!Speaking of Osama bin Laden, his favorite team, Arsenal, got through to the quarter-finals of the Champions League yesterday after beating Roma 7-6 in penalties. They won the home leg 1-0 a couple weeks ago, but then lost 1-0 yesterday so the aggregate was 1-1. After nothing happened in the extra time, I thought I was going to lose my shit sitting through the PKs. Eduardo's 1st shot was saved but then Almunia stopped a weak shot in the 2nd round. It went into sudden death after the rest of the shooters hit their target. Then, in the 8th round, Tonetto missed the goal completely & ended Roma's hopes of progressing... keeping the Gunners alive for the next round. While I wouldn't bet against Man U winning everything this year, Arsenal seem to be on a bit of an up-swing. Don't count them out just yet. You can read the entire match report here.

    Saturday, March 7, 2009

    The Big Phish Comeback Show or The Brahphecy Fulfilled

    Phish played their 1st show since 1995 last night at Hampton Coliseum in Hampton, VA. Holly's son (our nephew) Andy went, & will be @ the shows tonight & tomorrow too. They're a funny band; I rarely think about them or listen to them, but when I do, I'm always reminded that they are stellar musicians. Not to mention that I was able to start downloading the 1st set before the 2nd set was even over. (For all of you who are dying to hear it, you can download it hereThose kids today w/ their new-fangled technology... up-loading the show from the floor of the Coliseum. We used to have to wait & wait & hunt down bootlegs over thee course of months & sometimes years. The show last night clocked in @ 3 hours & 45 minutes & the setlist is spectacular.
    Set I
    Divided Sky
    Chalkdust Torture
    Sample in a Jar
    I Didn't Know
    Oh Kee Pah>
    Suzy Greenberg
    Train Song
    Water in the Sky
    Squirming Coil
    David Bowie

    Set II
    Backwards Down the Number Line
    Theme From the Bottom
    First Tube
    Harry Hood

    Bouncing Around The Room
    Loving Cup

    Tuesday, March 3, 2009

    Infinity Blues

    A 2nd Ryan Adams post in less than a month seems a bit much, but his new book came out yesterday, & since I was @ Nicolas anyway, I grabbed it solely because I thought it might be bloggable. I was right. It's actually not bad, or rather some of the poems are really good... others are shit. Interesting post-modern ideas back to back w/ whiny teen-angst. from what I've read so far, I'd say a good 2/3 of the poems are worthwhile. I don't know that they'll ever find their way into my classroom, but w/ a little more editing he could really have something. It's no Tarantula (the Dylan influence is pretty obvious throughout), but it's not Jewel either.
    Here's a little excerpt from the poem "Cinderella" ll 26-46:
    I am too weak for you
    between my legs where the balls are
    my battleships are pirated
    my seas triggered with anger
    and the wrath
    of the day of the dogs
    so cast your wicked eyes from mine
    and be a child
    but not to me
    because I am further now than gone
    and your feet give you away
    with your dark heart path
    and those shoes
    so wrong
    you are weaker than those drinks
    with those girlyboys
    fruit, seafoam, glass, and umbrella
    chase it to the bottom of the pile
    it's trash
    and I am glorious in my natural bottomless rage
    and far too clean