Holiday Post #2: 2 Foods

Hot Sauce
Lately, I've really gotten into trying different hot sauces. Of course, I've had Clancey's (for those of you non-locals, a local hot sauce company) for many years & it's fantastic. 5 or 6 years ago, it was even the subject of a Food Network show about local food companies. That episode, if I remember correctly, also discussed Tony Packo's in Toledo... home of Klinger's favorite hot dogs & pickles. My recent fascination started after putting Frank's Red Hot on some eggs @ The Golden Egg. Of course, it wasn't called the Golden Egg then; the place has changed owners countless times lately. Well, technically, I think it's just been passed back & forth between a couple cousins for tax purposes. The funny thing is that I'd had Frank's plenty of times in the past; I love it on falafels & Mexican food, but w/ breakfast it did something different to my food & I needed to put it on everything thereafter. For X-Mas last year, Jean got me a bottle of Moonlight BBQ (a local Owensboro dive from which he also scored me a pretty sweet brown trucker hat) hot sauce which is great in chili, but I haven't really put it on much else because it's a bit too BBQy for potatoes or lasagna. A couple months ago, I bought a bottle of D. J. Jardine's Texas Champagne. It's good on chili dogs, but w/o the other spices it's pretty bland & doesn't really stand alone very well. Then, the other day @ Plum Market, I tried The Tropical Pepper Company's XXtra Hot Sauce which I'm really likin'. Although it has the double X in the title, the heat doesn't overpower the flavor as is the case so often. This brings up a 2nd issue though: why do we use the same system to rate hot sauce that we use to rate porn? Maybe I've mentioned this before, but I don't think so. A single X is like soft-core Cinemax porn... tits & bush. XX may have penetration but in a pretty tame way. Hot sauce w/ an XXX is, I guess, the sauce equivalent of a 12 layer face glaze.... or, if it's really hot, Tub Girl in a bottle. I haven't tried any XXX hot sauces. Anyway, feel free to post your favorite hot sauces so I can give them a try.Egg Nog
Speaking of porn, egg nog has a certain consistency that, I imagine, some people find rather revolting. None-the-less, it tastes awesome. I just got a free bottle of Guernsey Egg Nog today from Plum Market & Solstice & I almost finished it already. When it comes to drinking nog, I'm like a turkey getting fed: if no one stops me, I'll just keep drinking & drinking & drinking. It's like I can't judge when enough is enough. Although, I admit it's pretty apparent a 1/2 hour later when I feel like shit. Drinking egg nog before Thanksgiving seems a bit decadent to me, but it's the holiday season after all, so it makes for a great holiday season post.

This, That, & the Other

To start, we have a nice pair of Aiden stories to present. I was in bed the other night w/ Stephanie & the baby watching Sixteen Candles when he came into the room & started screwing around on the floor behind me. I need to preface this w/ the fact that I'd had some Indian food & was feeling a rumbley in my tumbley (as Winnie the Pooh would say). He had recently deuced so I thought little of it when he said he didn't think he'd wiped well, but as I rolled over to look @ him I was definitely not ready for the ol' brown eye, complete w/ Klingons & fudge, that was staring back @ me while he demonstrated his lack of wiping proficiency. The Saag & the Chick Pea Curry made a bee-line for my throat & it was all I could do to keep from hurling all over the bed. He & Stephanie cracked up, but I don't think I'll ever be the same.Then yesterday morning, I was tying my shoe when Stephanie made the obligatory "while you're down there" joke. Aiden then asked her if I was trying to see her "Woman Penis." Woman Penis??? Really? I thought we'd done such a good job raising them w/o these kinds of terms. While Freud would love it, Stephanie was quick to set him straight... which also made it possible for her to avoid the point of her little joke. Explaining cunnilingus to a 7 year old might be a bit more than he could handle. Especially considering that when I tried to explain contraceptives to Solstice the other day (in reference to the Seinfeld episode "The Sponge") she, & 9 years old, was horrified to learn that people have sex when they aren't trying to make a baby. At least she acted that way. When I was 9, I was already trying to do it, so maybe she just pretended to be shocked.The new Whitey Morgan CD, Honky Tonks and Cheap Motels, came out last week... it's fantastic. They recorded a new version of "If it ain't Broke" w/ some nice pedal steel work. It's a little slower than the previous version w/ a cool shuffle to it. Don't fret over the fact that Amazon added an "N" to his name, making him "Whitney Morgan," it's the same old Whitey w/ the 78s that you all know & love. And after the Visions of Ypsi endorsements sent so many candidates to their victory parties last month, maybe this one will send Whitey and the boys up the charts. Here's the track list:1. Hold Her When She Cries
2. Crazy (not the Willie Nelson song)
3. If It Ain't Broke
4. Back to Back
5. Cheatin' Again
6. Honky Tonk Angel
7. I'm on Fire (the Bruce Springsteen song)
8. Another Round
9. Goodbye Dixie
10. Love and Honor
11. Prove It All to You
12. Sinner
In soccer news, the kids did the same this week that they did last week. Solstice's team kicked ass (I had to switch from a 2-1-2 formation to a 3-1-1 to try to get them to stop scoring. I was afraid the other team was going to cry. If only Aiden's team had this problem. Practice went well last night though so maybe they're about to turn the corner. Speaking of turning the corner, Arsenal went down in a shocking 2-1 defeat to Hull City on Saturday. They need to turn things around too, if they don't want to make it 2 straight home defeats tonight when they face Porto in the Champions League. While they only lost by 1, my team lost 7-2 on Sunday. It wasn't a pretty sight. We seemed to be pulling things together by the last quarter, but we were certainly shaky. This after our goalie broke his ankle & tore all the ligaments the week before. We're now 3-1, w/ only 3 4 matches left, so @ the half-way point, we're still doing pretty well, but next week will be quite a test for us.

Yesterday (including your Player of the Day)

Last night, I made a fun stir fry dinner w/ veggie gyoza & we are outside in the huge new back yard. Afterwards we walked into Depot Town for an ice cream @ Cafe Luwak. For years I eschewed the cone in favor of the bowl, but recently the waffle cone is back in favor. Furthermore, I've spent years exclusively getting chocolate peanut butter, but I went w/ a 1/2 scoop of chocolate (no peanut butter) & a 1/2 scoop of strawberry. I thoroughly enjoyed it. After the ice cream, we went to Frog Island for the summer concert & saw the WCC Jazz Band. We ran into Warren & then Brook & Shawn (who were also enjoying some Luwake ice cream) before we needed to rush home so Solstice could drop a deuce.

Speaking of the old #2, the Swiss took a shit on the field yesterday becoming the 1st team eliminated from Euro 08. Unlike the Portuguese who cruised to a 3-1 victory over the Czechs, which leads us to you Visions of Ypsi Player of the Day for Game Day 5. Wendy's son Matt won't be pleased if the rumors of his transfer to Real Madrid are true, but he should be pleased that his favorite metrosexual is the Player of the Day. He had this very award stripped from him during the 2006 World Cup, but since then many people have come to agree that he may well be the greatest player in the world right now. It was hard to find a picture that didn't accentuate his "metrosexuality," so this 1 will have to do. Here it is, your VoYPotD: Cristiano Ronaldo.

Poop & Your Player of the Day

Literal:
Ever since the move last week, my fecal matter has developed a new odor. Don't get me wrong, this isn't a pleasant change or anything. My shit doesn't suddenly smell like flowers but it doesn't smell like my crap anymore either. It's a poop smell I've encountered in public restrooms, but never from my own ass. Lately though, each deuce I drop surprises me so I thought maybe blogging about it would help me adjust to the new #2 development. I don't understand why this has happened. My diet is the same; I'm still eating plenty of peanut butter & beans. The only thing I can think of is the introduction of Orange Pop into my life. I've always enjoyed it, but lately I've gotten hooked. I can't imagine that would have this effect though. My favorites are Crush & Sunkist, but the smaller companies like Dr. Brown's & Nehi are pretty good too.

Metaphorical:
France just finished a rather mediocre (read really shitty) display in their opening match against Romania. The final score was 0-0 & I going to have to blame Domenech (the coach). They looked better towards the end when the younger players came on, but by starting w/ Anelka, Makelele, & Thuram, he really went for the old folks. They're going to need a jolt of creativity, namely going w/ more younger players & moving Ribery into a more central role if they plan to get out of the group stage. Of course, a draw today in the Italy v Netherlands match will leave things all even, but I can't imagine Romania will get a draw out of their games w/ either of them. As for the official Visions of Ypsi Player of the Day, I'll have to wait until after the Italy/Netherlands game because no one from France or Romania did enough to warrant the honor. As for the 1st 2 days of the tournament, I forgot to do this so in retrospect I need to name the players of the days now. On Day 1, I have to go w/ Pletikosa, the Croatian goalie. After seeing only 1 of the games yesterday, I feel a little awkward awarding this, but considering how well he played, we're going w/ Podolski, the German striker who notched up a brace against Poland.

Pletikosa... ready to crush some skulls

Podolski: he either just found out about this award or he won ABBA tickets

Growth Spurt

I woke up this morning 'round 7ish to take a nice early morning #2 after which I came to a strange realization about myself. Obviously, like most men, my best thinking is done while partaking in that activity, but this epiphany came afterwards. I stepped foreword for the customary washing of the hands (my fingers didn't go through the paper or anything, there was in fact no hand to ass contact), when I noticed I had to bend down a little further than usual @ the sink. I looked in the mirror & noticed that my head seemed closer to the top than usual. Later, while making tea, I seemed to be looking down on Stephanie more than ever before... not in the smug, I'm better than everyone way, but in the I'm taller than I was way. I can't imagine how this sudden growth is possible, & I haven't actually grabbed a yard stick to verify this, but everything seems different today. Maybe we're talking about a late puberty. I just don't know, but I suppose I may finally be growing into my name. I don't know how to use this to my advantage yet, but maybe it'll help my in my games... which brings me to my other issue for the day (this part of the post is mainly for the KY and Japan people). I got 2 goals in our 3-2 loss on Sunday. In general, my team played pretty well, but there are a couple new guys who may not be long for the team. The 1st pissed me off over & over & over; the 2nd showed up drunk & unable to really play until he sobered up for the 4th quarter. Now, I have no problem w/ inebriation on the field, but when it interferes w/ the play I won't stand for it! As far as my 2 goals go, we were down in the last quarter when Pat laid the ball off to me about 45 yards out. I don't usually do this, but I beat a defender and let it go. I noticed the goalie was out, & it actually worked. This may be my 1st goal from so far out ever. They immediately scored which put us 3-1 down, but w/ a couple minutes left, Ben laid it off to me in the D, I beat the same defender, but to the left this time, & slotted it in from about 12 yards. Overall, it was pretty sweet, but as I'm going to have to miss the next game for a wedding in Chicago, the team may have to find a different, slow defensive mid-fielder to start getting some. That's right folks, I've got 4 in as many games. It seems as though playing on that shitty indoor team really helped my confidence... I'm just like Cristiano Ronaldo... but not as gay.

A Double at Wendy's

Friday, before I went to the Tigers' game, I had to drop my kids off @ their mom's house which, for those of you under rocks or w/ heads in your asses, is over an hour away. Afterwards, I was planning on a nice drive to Dan and Elizabeth's house which means I had to take a different way home from my ex's. All was fine & good until about 15 minutes before I got to her house when I got that feeling in my gut... the one that says, "Get your ass to a toilet and quick!" Well, I couldn't stomach the idea of defaming her John like that, so I quickly dropped off the kids and hit the road looking for a public restroom. When deciding on a public lu, a 2 things have to be considered, not the least of which is its location, meaning, "How close is it to where I am?" I knew that if I took the main road out of her little town, I would pass some gas stations and such, but they were all pretty nasty looking which is the second issue when chosing which head in which to unload: cleanliness. I then saw the Golden Arches, & every traveler knows their cans are usually pretty clean. The problem came when I got closer & realized it was on the other side of the road. This wouldn't usually be a problem, but there was a lot of traffic & I would have to wait a while to turn left. At this point, waiting didn't appear to be a good option, but I consulted the old Magic 8 Ball just in case. "Is waiting 90 seconds to turn left a safe bet for the interior of my car (not to mention the interior of my shorts)? "Not likely." Why the Wendy's on the right didn't jump out at me from the start, I don't know, but I pulled in there & ran to the Men's room as fast as I could. As it turns out, Wendy's, not being a very popular resturant, is able to maintain a rather clean bathroom. Now, considering I've been vegitarian since 1993, you may be wondering what this has to do with a the old Wendy's Double. That's a good question, and I'd have to say absolutely nothing. What it does have to do w/ is the burger I gave them; the old double flush I unloaded in the captain's quarters. I've never nearly destroyed a toilet before, but this was something to behold. Truly awesome in the Biblical sense. In closing, all was fine & as explained in the post about the game, we had a good time. In closing, I want to remind you, dear reader, not to be offended or simply "grossed out" by this story. Those of you who know me, know it was only a matter of time before this became a bloggable topic. Now go enjoy your burger.