Sunday, December 28, 2008

Holiday Post #11: A MILFY Reminder

The final votes need to be cast by midnight on Wednesday & since I know many of you will be incoherent by that point in the evening, I suggest you get on it before then... you drunken bastards! As of right now, the exit polling is looking like this:
Gillian Anderson 1/2
Rebecca Romijn 1
Naomi Watts 1
Michelle Monaghan 1
Amy Poehler 1 1/2
Jennifer Garner 3
Gwen Stefani 3

If you don't want me to have to cast the tie-breaker, be sure to vote now!!! That doesn't mean that you have to pick one of the leaders though; there's still plenty of time.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Holiday Post #10: Christmas Cheer

We woke up Thursday to find Santa had come & left the kids a shit-load of stuff they are now loving. In fact, they are still going on about how it was the best Christmas ever! I suppose we need to pat ourselves on the back for the X-Box, but on the other hand, they are still in the midst of figuring out how to share it fairly. After they opened their presents, I my our traditional X-Mas morning Breakfast Pizza. About 6 years ago, we were discussing the interesting development of breakfast burritos & wondered if other popular foods could be breafastized like that. That query lead us to develop the greatness that is Breakfast Pizza... try it & love it!

After breakfast we went to Stephanie's Mom's place in Whitmore Lake & had a great time opening more gifts & enjoying a fantastic meal before we had to rush off to Elizabeth & Dan's for more gifts & another fantastic meal. Stephanie said she heard the other day that most people only put on about a pound over the holidays, but that people who already eat too much or have a bit of a weight problem can add 5 pounds to their already bulbous asses... I have a feeling I've added about 10 pounds to my bulk recently.

Yesterday, after the Arsenal match during which I was able to wear the sweet sweet new Arsenal hat that Stephanie got me, Jason & Joe came by for pizza & beer before we headed out to the Corner & then Sidetrack for a festive evening of beer & Scotch.

After you're done checking out these pics, be sure to cast your vote & take the quiz!!!
The Tree w/ the gifts

Isaiah in my sweet sweet hat

Sledding the other day... the pictures I promised

The frozen stream Aiden refused to sled near

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Holiday Post #9: The Attention Whore Quiz

If you'll recall, only Kate Winslet scored a 100% on last year's quiz. Let's see if you can do as well this year as she did last year. We have 10 multiple choice questions based on things posted on Visions of Ypsi over the course of the last year. Click here for the Visions of Ypsi Attention Whore Quiz, & then post your score in the comments! (The question about the free haircut has the wrong answer... it should be the one about getting my ear clipped, but it's actually the one about wowing the woman w/ my poolside story. The web-site won't let me edit it.) And since we're in the spirit of whoring out for attention, here are a couple pics of me @ Plum Market today in the Horizon Organic Milk Pantomime Cow Suite (Not quite as cool as a pantomime Princess Margaret, but close.) Of course, after taking the quiz, cast your vote for the Visions of Ypsi Celebrity MILF of the Year!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Holiday Post #8: I got a lot of problems with you people!

Before you trim your pole, be sure to prepare for the feats of strength. Then enjoy a nice celebratory meal of meatloaf before the airing of grievances. When that's all finished, don't forget to cast your vote in the Official Visions of Ypsi Celebrity MILF of the Year contest.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Holiday Post #7: Words

A few words about the previous post:
Before we get into the post of the day, I want to remind everyone that they need to scroll down to vote or just click here The Official Visions of Ypsi Celebrity MILF of the Year Contest has taken off, but Jennifer Garner is leading @ the moment... & that's no good.

Now a few words about sledding yesterday:
When I was a kid, we'd take our sleds & walk through the woods & fields until we found a new spot, a spot void of sled-tracks, a spot we'd never seen before. In Petoskey, we'd spend as much time finding a sledding area as we'd spend sledding... & it was good. We lived on a huge hill overlooking Lake Michigan in a pretty rural environment so the new sledding areas were seemingly endless. Dodging trees & ducking underneath electrified cattle fences were par for the course. In all those years, only once was someone rushed to the hospital when he slammed into a tree & ruptured his appendix. (Of course, this led to his sister claiming abdominal problems ran in her family when she had a cramp @ soccer practice after having eaten a plate of tacos before running for a 1/2 hour.) There were obviously some particular hills that bore repeated sledding, but the best was the exploring. Yesterday, I thought I'd take the kids sledding, but I wanted to go somewhere we'd never been. We found a great hill on the back side of a cemetery, but Aiden was unsure of that because he "doesn't really like cemeteries." I then suggested a hill @ then end of Clark Rd, but they were apprehensive because of the "No Trespassing" signs. When we were kids, "No Trespassing" signs simply meant that we were the first to sled there. We then went to Parker Mill Park, but they thought it was too close to the creek... 30 yards from the bottom of the hill to the beautiful frozen creek. We ended up on campus using the small hill behind the Porter Building. They had a blast, but next time, we're going to the cemetery. (I'll post the sledding pics when I get new batteries for the camera which are needed before I can up-load them.)

Now a few words about words:
According to The Economist, some ridiculous group in Texas, The Global Language Monitor, has predicted that April 29, 2009 will mark the debut of the 1 Millionth word in the English Language! As problematic as that count might be, be sure to check back here @ 12:01 AM (+12 GMT) on that date as I debut the new. In celebration of this, I'll work on coining some new terms over the next 4 months as a sort of build up to the great day. Today's word?
Chimilicious
1. The greatness of pseudo-Mexican food including but not limited to Chimichangas. This also includes burritos in a "jam band" parking lot, nachos in a movie theater (often refered to as "Phantom Menace Nachos"), or quesadillas in a chain restaurant like Applebee's or Red Robin.
2. The cultish greatness of any low quality item including films, music, books, or television shows.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Holiday Post # 6: Your Nominees

We @ Visions of Ypsi are proud to present the 5th Annual Celebrity M.I.L.F. of the Year Contest. Before you vote, however, be sure to read the rules:
1) The nominations have been considered and narrowed down to ten (10) contestants.
2) Each reader of Visions of Ypsi is allowed one (1) vote.
3) Votes are to be posted in the comments section of this post. Votes sent via e-mail or as a facebook post will be counted if I feel like it.
4) Giving people shit based on who they voted for is not only accepted, but encouraged.
5) All votes posted by 12:00 AM on New Years Eve will be counted.
6) Voting is closed @ 12:01 AM New Years Day.
7) Late nominations will be considered, but discouraged.
8) Those nominated but not included on this official ballot are not eligible for late nominations.
9) If a voter wishes to change his or her vote, she or he must petition the writers of Visions of Ypsi.
10) Anonymously posted votes will only be accepted if the writers of Visions of Ypsi are told who the person is who is voting anonymously. In other words, the post can be anonymous and I will protect his or her anonymity, but I want to know who is voting.
11) We @ Visions of Ypsi will only cast a vote to break a tie if said vote is necessary.
12) As always, nominees must not have been eligible last year so we're setting the cut-off dates @ August, assuming that the celebrities are having scheduled c-sections after 8 months which means that people like Nicole Kidman & Tori Spelling who gave birth before the cut-off date are ineligible. Furthermore, while rumors have been circulating that suggest Angelina Jolie may be eligible yet again, they have been denied by her Rep... & no one would want her to win again anyway. Previous winners include such luminaries as Michelle Willaims, Maggie Gyllenhaal & of course, last year's champion, Angelina Jolie. Last year's winner caused a bit of an uproar as it turned out people weren't too pleased (you can see the list of lats year's nominees here. In order to ensure your favorite M.I.L.F. The anticipation to see who will be crowned this year's winner has been building for months. And now... Your 2008 Visions of Ypsi Celebrity M.I.L.F. of the Year Nominees:
1) Anne Heche: Knocked up by boyfriend/co-star James Tupper (whoever he is???), this free-livin' chick was too cool to stay w/ Ellen & has since gone through a string of men while trying to find the love she left behind.2) Ashlee Simpson: This pseudo-celeb let the Fall out Boy bassist let a few slip by & now must pretend to care about him for another year or so.3) Amy Poehler: An early front-runner, she & her husband, some dude who has been in some little known films & did a voice in Ratatouille are expecting a kid... just like she did in her recent film, Baby Mama. We didn't see it, but we're sure it will be a classic.4) Gillian Anderson: Special Agent Scully had a bun in the oven for most of the year; she finally popped in mid-October. The father? some guy named Mark Griffiths.5) Gwen Stafani: The only nominee to have been nominated in a previous season. In August she had yet another child w/ that guy from The Goo Goo Dolls... you'd think that w/ all this creation going on, 1 of them could create a decent song once in a while.6) Jennifer Garner: This star of Deconstructing Harry & Dude, Where's My Car is spent most of this year preggers w/ Ben Affeck's kid. I think he fathered some other kid on here a few years ago w/ a different M.I.L.F., but I'm not certain. I suppose we'll have to check the archives.7) Michele Monaghan: We @ Visions of Ypsi have never seen any of her films, but that didn't stop her from allowing her husband, graphic artist Peter White, to plant the old seed. She gave birth last month.8) Minnie Driver: While not a front runner, she may be the Visions of Ypsi favorite this year. Be sure to watch the Governess in her honor soon. The baby daddy is unknown, but apparently not her former boy-toy Ryan Adams.9) Tameka Foster: This wife of Usher had her 2nd child last week. I don't think she's an out & out celeb, but he is so she counts.10) Rebecca Romijn: She left Stamos & then hooked up w/ Jerry O'Connell? Stamos is almost a Beach Boy for Christ's Sake! What the Hell has O'Connell done? Stand By Me & Sliders? I suppose his appearance on Charles in Charge was pretty sweet too... & the fact that he is supposedly having regular sex w/ Rebecca Romijn.11) Naomi Watts: I've never been a fan, but I guess Liev Schreiber is. They just celebrated the birth of their 2nd kid. She's pretty hot too.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Holiday Post #5: The Specials

I was going to list my top 10 Holiday Special bad guys, but I could only come up w/ 9. It's interesting how they are almost all basically the same Scrooge-like character... the X-Mas Baddie w/ 1,000 faces. From what I can tell, this dates back to 1843 w/ the publication of A Christmas Carol, but I suppose we could say it goes back to the late 14th Century w/ the Green Knight who busts into the Solstice Celebrations in Camelot & wreaks havoc after putting his head back on his neck, but before ending everything all happy & full of X-Mas joy. Unfortunately, that was never turned into a Holiday Special, so he must remain off of this list. others are most certainly on the list though, so w/o further ado, here's the Official Visions of Ypsi Top 9 Holiday Special Bad Guys.
9) Eon: Though a creepy character, this baddie from Rudolph's Shiny New Year is as ridiculous as the everything else on the special. 8) The Heat Miser: A weirdo who who seems to run South Town in The Year w/o a Santa Clause. He has to allow it to snow so Santa can deliver the gifts... stupid! 7) The Grinch: though iconic, he's such an obvious choice, I didn't feel comfortable putting him any higher on the list. 6) Darth Vader: He may be the greatest bad guy in the history of great bad guys, but his role in The Star Wars Holiday Special is rather brief so he can't justifiably go any higher on the list. If you are so inclined, you can watch it here. of course, I am so inclined. 5) The Winter Warlock: He tries to freeze the heart of St. Nick in Santa Clause is comin' to Town, but like most of these guys, he comes good in the end.4) Lucy van Pelt: Only peripherally a "bad guy," but I'll take what I can get. She's 1 of the few on the list who doesn't seem to really change throughout the special. Although, it could be said that Linus helps her learn the true meaning @ the end when they show Chuck's tree a bit of love. 3) The Bumble: Apart from bouncing, he doesn't do a whole lot in Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, but he inadvertently saves Yukon Cornelius from certain death as they tumble over the cliff... or into the water... or whatever the hell they do. And in the end, he tops the tree w/ the beautiful star. 2) Professor Hinkle: The epitome of slimy assholes; his magical hat brings Frosty to life, before he locks Frosty & whatshername in a greenhouse... what a bad-ass! In the end, he gets a new hat so everyone is happy. 1) Scrooge McDuck: He's no George C. Scott, but he's still pretty sweet in Mickey's Christmas Carol. Goofy as the Ghost of Jacob Marley is cool too.
While we're thinking about the holidays, don't forget to check back soon to post your nominees for Visions of Ypsi Celebrity MILF of the Year!!!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Holiday Post #4: Cookies

I was having a hard time thinking of another quick holiday post until I got an e-mail today which contained this link to some pretty nice holiday cookies. I was already kind of thinking about cookies anyway since Stephanie has been in the cookie-making mood this week so this link was really just the icing on the cake... as it were. I promise to post more after finals week... & don't forget to be thinking about the Annual Visions of Ypsi Celebrity MILF of the Year Contest... we'll get that going soon.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Holiday Post #3: Ho Ho Ho & all that Stuff

Last weekend, we made our traditional trip south to Ida, MI & the Matthes Evergreen Farm to get a tree & have some good old-timey cheer. We've been going there since 2002, & the kids love it. Aside from the "Cut Your Own" trees, they also feature a little craft area where Ida locals sell their fancy X-Mas stuff... Candles & Santas & Wreaths, oh my. In the main part of the barn, they have inexpensive snacks (including free hot chocolate, coffee & popcorn) & live X-Mas music. Of course, there's also the animals in the smaller barn... pigs, rabbits, goats, cows, horses, & (every ones favorite) some nervous looking sheep. Sheep always seem to have that "uh oh, here come some people" look associated w/ thousands of years of domestication that in turn led to thousands of years of anal rape. In class the other night, we were talking about "inner species erotica" & its relation to Paul Beatty's Slumberland, when someone asked why sheep are always the butt of those jokes. I had to explain the rather inconvenient positioning of their said butts, well, inconvenient for them but convenient as hell for those thousands of years of lonely shepherds who tended their flocks in pent-up frustration. While the account in Luke is a bit vague, I imagine the scene w/ the shepherds went something like this:
Shepherd: "oh yeah, baby... "
Angel: "Hey, what are you doing?"
Shepherd: "Um, ahh, nothing. It's not what you think."
Angel: "Put that away, there's a baby in that barn over there. What's wrong w/ you?"
Shepherd: "Baby? Really? I'm gonna go check that out... are there any, you know, animals over there too?"
Anyway, back to the tree place. In their "Wreath Shop," they have Santa. Not any old Santa. Not some 2nd rate "impostor, mall Santa" as Aiden put it, but a guy the kids swear is the 1 & only. Solstice, clearly, doesn't buy it any more, but Aiden is whole-heartily into it. Being that it was the Saturday after Thanksgiving, & therefore, the 1st Santa Saturday of the year @ Matthes, he landed in a helicopter across the street while a crowd of people stood & stared like gawkers @ a British car accident. solstice was too embarrassed to to get up close, & it was clear that Aiden wanted to. She refused to go up closer w/ him to which he responded by pretending he didn't want to either. I think that was the closest I've ever been to an in-flight helicopter. They circled the field a couple times while Santa waved to the crowd before landing about 40 yards way from us. I have to add "go in a helicopter" to my list of things I want to do in the air which also includes bungee jumping, sky diving, & pilot's lessons.Over all, we had a great afternoon. I found & fell the tree I record time... it was getting shaken & baled w/in 20 minutes of me parking the car. We got home, put up the tree, & then went to Red Robin & used the kids' coupons they got from the library last summer. I've spent the last 4 months stalling, because I'm not really a fan of that place, but it meant free food & after an afternoon of Santas & tree cutting, neither of us really felt like cooking. Unfortunately, we didn't get to see the Red Robin Red Robin like last time though. Be sure to tune in again for the story of our Tofurkey slaughter!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

So Tonight I'm Gonna Party Like it's 700 BCE

Graves in the Yanghai Tombs near Turpan, Xinjiang-Uighur Autonomous Region, China, in the Gobi Desert were recently excavated, & according to a report in the latest issue of The Journal of Experimental Biology, 1 of the graves contained a big bag of dope. A whole kilo to be exact of some nice Chinese chronic. These nugs, while no longer potent, are believed to have been as strong as the stuff circulating today. I know that's a pretty vague claim since the quality window is huge, but they're suggesting that this means the guy was using it to get his stone on. It's not clear if it was medicinal or spiritual, but it is clear that it asn't just being used for the fibers as scientists assumed it was only used for then. Apparently, they didn't think the THC level would have been high enough before the more recent (last 2,000 years) growing methods were established. This is the oldest stash ever found, so high-ons (& bloggers like me) world wide have decided it's a grand day for thee cause of legalization... when in fact, it really does very little for the hippies who think they're going to save the world by turning it on. Legalize today; get high tonight. Right.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Superman Revisited

The 1st 2 Christopher Reeve Superman films were on the other day so I thought it'd make for a fun movie night for the kids. As it turns out, Solstice seemed to enjoy them more than Aiden who had a hard time following the stories. They both raised some important questions though & my view of the 2 films seems to have changed a bit since I last saw them.
Solstice's Questions:
- When he flies backwards around the Earth to save Lois, why doesn't he just go all the way back & stop the missiles?
- Why doesn't he use that technique more often? It seems pretty easy & effective.
Aiden's Questions:
- Why do Zod & his lady friend gain the power of telekinesis (Solstice's word, not Aiden's)? Superman can't do that.
- When he "reverses the polarity" in his "desuperpowering chamber," he doesn't look all weird & x-ray like he did the 1st time so why didn't Lois know what was going on since she had already witnessed it once?
Stephanie's Question:
- Why does a piece of rock from his home planet have the power to not only strip him of his powers but to completely incapacitate him?
- Why didn't Christopher Reeve play Clark as a teen-ager? He could definitely have done it w/ the right make up.
These are all good questions, & besides the 1 about Kryptonite, I'd never really thought about them. I am particularly proud of Solstice's 1st & Aiden's 2nd questions. They are pretty complex & in Aiden's case, it shows that perhaps he was following along better than he let on.

Andre's Questions:
- What are the chances that the Phantom Zone thing will be flying by the Earth @ the exact moment that the bomb explodes? It's come from another galaxy & it just happens to be there right then? I don't buy it.
- What the fuck is the Phantom Zone anyway? For a culture that is supposed to be so advanced, they sure seem willing to impose cruel & unusual punishments.
- When holding really heavy things like helicopters or elevators, why doesn't he grab them from a more central position? I understand that he is strong enough to lift them, but unless he also has some as yet unexplained super-balancing ability, holding the helicopter by 1 of the landing bars (I doubt that's the right term) won't stop the other side from tilting downwards.

My overall take on the films is that the 1st 1 is better than I remembered. Specifically, Gene Hackman is fantastic as Lex Luthor. On the other hand, the 2nd film isn't as good as I remembered. I like the Niagara stuff & the love story, but Zod & company destroying some small town never looks right. It's so obviously a set. I know this complaint is coming from a guy who defends the Star Wars prequals despite their obvious fakeness, but come on.