Gay as a Handbag Full of Rainbows...

... Or the obligatory 1st game injury update
(Or, simply put, fodder for Jason)
I had my first game of the season yesterday & was playing much better than expected until the 4th quarter when a new guy on my own team kicked me in the ankle. I'd already strained my groin & twisted my back, so this was the final straw. I was hurting... & still am. I took to kids to Taco Bell afterwards & put them to bed when I realized that my aching bones would do well w/ a bath. If I remember correctly, I hadn't taken a bath in 4 years, partly because I know they aren't the most manly of activities, but I'm secure enough w/ myself & I knew it would do me good, so I figured, "What the Hell?" Since it'd been so long, I also figured I'd do it up... I opened a bottle of wine, lit a few candles, & grabbed the new issue of World Soccer. As I was soaking & feeling a bit better, I heard Solstice coming down the stairs. She enters the TV room & realized neither the light nor the TV was on. I then hear, "Dad???" "In here," I replied as she then looking into the bathroom. She eyed the candles, looked the wine up and down, & finally saw me in the bubble bath. The, w/ the funniest look on her face, she said, "well, this is a pretty fancy bath." It turns out that her eyes were itchy & she wanted an allergy pill, but I feel as though she was thinking the only thing that would have made my antics any gayer would have been if I'd had a cock in my mouth. OK, she's 8, she probably didn't think that... but she should have.

Anal Bleeding

I know you, faithful readers, are assuming this must be a euphemism or a joke, but no, this post is actually about anal bleeding... among other things. A week ago, my lovely son became my green, nauseous, sickly son for a couple days. He recovered pretty quickly, but then I too got a stomach bug. In the immortal words of Vyvyan Basterd, I had quite a runny bottom. I'm not sure if it's the same thing he had though because it seems to have effected me differently. While I threw nothing up, everything that went in did have the propensity to come out quickly, it just used the other end. I wasn't been able to be w/o a toilet for more than a couple hours, & if I ate something, I had a window of about 15 minutes. The constant wiping has caused the dreaded bleeding, but I think my innards are on the mend because I was able to fart this morning w/o blowing a gasket & squirting in my shorts. This is the first time since Sunday that I've felt comfortable risking such a thing. Obviously, this had made me happy since the longer I go w/o the old diarrhea, the longer my butt hole has to heal.If anyone is still reading @ this point, I'll have you know I'm also happy because last night during dinner, I mentioned that I was in the mood to watch Victory, & when I then had to explain to my kids that it's a film about war & soccer, they jumped at the chance to watch it w/ me. They felt it had a slow start because they just wanted to get to the game, but I'll admit that I have been known to skip ahead to the game on a few occasions, so I can't blame them for that. It was funny, though, watching them watch the film w/o much understanding of Nazis or the Holocaust. When a group of German officers were discussing the implications of allowing Concentration Camp workers to be involved in the team, one said the game wasn't a good idea. To this Aiden was shocked: "A soccer game is ALWAYS a good idea!" Damn he made me proud. While Solstice was a bit more familiar w/ the context, & she was really in to the idea of reading the subtitles (as she was when we saw Mr. Bean's Holiday the other day), the conversation about bribing the ref went over her head; I guess she's never been exposed to cheating, which is probably good, but maybe she's been a little too sheltered. I'll have to pay off a couple refs for her games this fall to acclimate her to the real world. As a side note, you can order your very own Victory replica jersey here... I would suggest you do it so you can join Stallone, Caine, & Pele in taking a kick at the Fuhrer.3rdly, I'm happy because school has started & the kids are loving their teachers. I'm loving being back in the classroom, & I'm loving that Bob Dylan is coming to EMU on Oct. 12th w/ Elvis Costello. Tickets went on sale about 15 minutes ago, os get them before they're gone. It should be a fantatic night; I haven't seen Dylan in a while, & I've never seen Elvis Costello. My previous Dylan shows are as follows:
*May 16, 1996: Pine Knob Music Theater (Amy Mann opened) w/ my ex-wife
*February 15, 1998: University Of Toledo (some young guitar guy opened) w/ my ex-wife
*July 7, 1999: Pine Knob Music Theatre (Paul Simon opened) w/ my ex/wife, Gina, Andy, & Jenn
* Audust 6, 2003: Polaris Amphitheater (opened for The Dead) w/ my ex-wife, Dawn, & someone my ex worked with whose name I've forgotten

Holla if You're a Kickballa

W/ Jean going to KY, I was asked to take his place on the Taproom kickball team, The Kickballers. We had our 1st games last night, a double header, & now sit at the top of the table w/ a sweet, sweet record of 2-0. We came from behind to beat Rough Housing in the 7th inning w/ 7 runs to win 14-12. In the 2nd game, we had to come from behind to beat The Bad News Betas 4-3. It was actually a lot of fun, but the mosquitoes were deadly. I would say I spent more time swatting them away than I spent actually playing the game. That's alright though because we won & winning is all that matters. 2nd place is no place! (2 Karate Kid references in 3 posts... at Visions of Ypsi, we always come correct w/ the classics.)

Vicente's: Restaurant Review

On Saturday night, a group of us )Stacey, Jean, Jim, Rachel, & myself) went to this relatively new Cuban place in Detroit, Vicente's. Stacey heard about it from someone at the pool while discussing good places to get Sangria. As it turns out, Vicente's may be the best place to get Sangria. I'm not a huge fan, but it was fantastic. The live music & dancing was really cool too. (Aside from the fact that the guitarist was some hippie dude who kept slipping "Stairway to Heaven" [& a little bit of "El Condor Pasa"] in every chance he got.) The women leading the Flamenco dancing were really good. They seemed like a mother/daughter team, of which the daughter half was really cute. While the entertainment and booze were great (I also tried a mojito & learned they could get deadly since they're so easy to drink), the decor left something to be desired. I was expecting a sort of art-deco, 1930s Havana feel, but it was oddly plain (aside from the fish tank & the big Cuban flag). In a place like that, atmosphere seems important, but they missed the mark a bit. As far as the food goes, it's very good. I had some sort of seafood platter (for those of you not in the know, I occasionally stray from my vegetarianism & eat a little seafood on special occasions) which features lobster, jumbo shrimp, mussels, & a clam. It was all well cooked, but the sauce was a little bland. Everyone else seemed to enjoy their stuff too. It was a little pricey though for what it was. A few dollars less for a meal & I'd go back all the time. I would certainly recommend it though; it was a fun night out w/ great friends & a cuisine w/ which I wasn't very familiar.

They're Turning Japanese, I think They're Turning Japanese, I Really Think So

You may remember her from my myspace page looking quite like this:
But now, you'll have to get used to her looking like this:Elizabeth and Dan arrived in Japan this morning where they will be teaching English for the next 12 months. As such, we need to give her a warm weelcome to the "Blogosphere" while she keeps us all up-dated on Sushiliz. They'll be back next August, so my soccer team is down 2 people (not to mention the fact that Jean moved to Kentucky which actually means we're down 3 people), but the fact of the matter is that she and Dan have this great oppritunity to see Asia, so be sure to wish them well.

Tube Time Fun w/ Visions of Ypsi

Jason has been in town this week, &, as always when we get together, we spent a lot of time this week watching extremely shitty television. For instance, we caught an episode of Crazy Mark TV on Community Access the other night. Now, I've seen a lot of shit in my day, & while crazy mark is no Christopher Saint, his show sucks. Be sure to check out the show when you get the chance. Furthermore, you also need to watch The Show of Shows. It comes right after Crazy Mark TV, both in time-slot & in quality. This is a show where people submit their own films, which could be alright, except one was just a close-up of Santa Clause snow globe for 5 minutes. After The Show of Shows, we treated ourselves to Rock of Love & The Rock Life. I am interested in he way they found the women for Rock of Love. Where do they get a group of women so fucked up that Bret Michaels ends up looking intelligent & classy. The blond chick w/ the pink streak in the middle of her head is hot, but even Pam Anderson needed more than just hotness to make her show work. As far as The Rock Life goes, those freaks deserve a show like Visions of Ypsi deserve a fucking Pulitzer. Cisco Adler, the son of Lou, may have the lowest hanging ball in he history of low hanger, but they're still miles above his musical talent. Of course, there's also Tony Potato, the band's manager & former lawyer, & current horrible comedian, who displays even less talent throughout the show. They set up a stand-up gig for him & the fact that he thought he was funny proves how unfunny he is. "Hack" isn't even the right term for his routine. I honestly thought he was retarded for the 1st half of the show, but it turns out he isn't... he just sucks. And now, what you've all been waiting for... Cisco Adler's low hanging balls:

Slumber Party Was a Hit

Solstice had a group of friends over for a b-day/slumber party the other night. A lesser man would have caved due to the constant giggling, but I was strong & maintained my composure as they ate pizza, cake & ice cream, watched movies & played games. They we're up late, but all the girls had a blast. It was a win-win for me too beecause, not only did Solstice & her friends have a great time, but I got my house cleaned ahead of time in a way that only happens before parties. We scrubbed walls, rearranged bedrooms, & cleaned the basement. It's AWESOME! Also, big thanks to the girls' parents who let them come & to my mom who was here to help w/ the festivities.

Take the Arsenal Crossbar Challenge

Not bad for the second string goalie... it must be the hair.
After 3 weeks, Man U (last year's champions) only have 2 points from mtheir 1st 3 games. Liverpool & Arsenal, on the othe rhand, are sitting on 4 points w/ a game in hand. Chelsea has 7 points from 3 games, but the surprize is Man City w/ 3 wins from 3 matches. This weekend, Man U play fellow strugglers, Tottenham, while Chelsea are playing Portsmith & Liverpool face Sunderland. The Arsenal-Man City game should be fantastic. Here's to hoping that Lehmann doesn't fuck up again & that Man City have peaked w/ 3 wins.

80s Movie Night Strikes Back

While the dim-witted Carl Spackler ironically did not drive any golf carts, a small group of us got together last night to watch Caddyshack on Stacey's enormous new TV. Neither Georgina, Matt nor I had seen it in years and Stacey had never seen it before at all. I picked up a VHS copy at a garage sale a month ago for 10 cents so it made sense that wee should finally watch it. It is actually better than I remembered, but Rodney Dangerfield still doesn't do much for me. His humor always seems so forced. Chevy Chase & Bill Murray, on the other hand, are as fantastic as ever. Carl Spackler & Ty Webb are funny mother fuckers. Not to mention Ted Knight who was, of all things, the narrator on The Super Friends... who knew?

Check out these great quotes from the film (and feel free to add your favorite in the comments section):
"He called me a baboon, he thinks I'm his wife."
"You'll get nothing, and like it."
"Your uncle molests collies."
"well... we're waiting!"
"There's a force in the universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball."
"Wait up, girls; I got a salami I gotta hide still."
"Me winning isn't. You do."
And now, you can learn the story of Mitch Cumstien:


In other film news, Elizabeth and Dan were over yesterday dropping off some stuff they need to store here while they're in Japan & we got talking about old TV shows. Elizabeth mentioned dhow she has seen the father from Good Times in a lot of stuff recently. I said, "John Amos" no shit. He's been in a million things. He was in Coming to America & Roots." She then asks, "What's Roots?" At first I thought she wsa kidding & then I thought I must have misunderstood her. Meanwhile, Dan is looking at her like she's crazy. As we realized she really didn't know what Roots is, we tried to jar her memory, assuming sh must know. Who the fuck is 29 years old & hasn't heard of Roots? She'd apparently heard of Kunte Kinte, but didn't know who he was. When I suggested that not knowing what Roots is was like not knowing what Saturday Night Fever is she didn't believe me, but then Dan chimed in w/ "yeah, that's a petty good comparison. They were both huge cultural moments in the 70s." I'm still not sure she believed us. She was impressed that Geordie LaFordge was in it though. Reading Rainbow has that effect on people, I guess.

You Can All Join In

I haven't done this in a while, but since Steve was nice enough to hook me up w/ a ticket to Dave Mason on Saturday, I wanted to give him a little shout out. Why Dave Mason plays Brighton High School, I have no idea, but he rocked. He only played for an hour & a half, but that 90 minutes was sweet. Having been a huge Traffic fan for ages, I was so excited & he didn't let me down. His set list was, I'm sure, the same list he plays for every show, but "40,000 Headmen," "Dear Mr. Fantasy," "Shouldn't Have Took More than You Gave," "Feelin' Alright," "Only You Know and I Know," "All Along the Watchtower," & (if I remember correctly) "Pearly Queen," were great. Some of his more recent songs are a bit weak though, like this country love tune, "Every Woman," which seemed to be a crowd favorite, but it just grated on me. The lyrics are soooo fucking cheesy and cliche. All in all, however, it was a great time. I wish I could have seen Steve Winwood when he came through town a couple years ago though; my love of Traffic stems from him, but Mason is definitely cool as Hell. See him if you get the chance. Not only was his performance spot-on, but apparently, he's also making the guitars and basses hey are using... other than the Fender he used for a few songs. And, as I learned from Steve & Dave the other night, he played on Beggars Banquet & Hendrix's version of "Watchtower." Pretty sweet!

Gigglefest '07

The middle of August brings about my daughter's b-day (as well as DeNiro, Davy Crockett, Donnie Walberg, Marcus Garvey, Julien Escude, Thierry Henry, and William Gallas). The last 3 on that list are all current French soccer stars, & Davy Crockett was a childhood hero of mine (mainly because of the Disney films w/ Fess Parker), so the fact that she shares a b-day w/ all of these people is pretty strange. Donnie Walberg, on the other hand, was a member of NKOTB, my sister's favorite singing group of all time. Oddly, her b-day was yesterday (as were the b-days of Ben Affleck, Debra messing, Ethel Barrymore & Napoleon). Finally, today, being the day between their b-days has become known in my family "Link Day;" it's also the b-day celebrities as diverse as Madonna, Kareem, Julie Newmar, & Everlast.Well, in traditional celebration of Link Day, we're going to Izakaya Sanpei in Canton tonight. It will also be a nice farewell to Elizabeth & Dan as they are moving to Japan this month to teach English. If you've never been there, I would highly recommend checking it out. It's a great Japanese place... not your run-of-the-mill steak house or sushi bar, but a full-on, authentic restaurant.Not to be out done by the festivities tonight though, Solstice is having her first sleep-over party next week. With 7 or 8 of her friends running around all night, it's been dubbed by Stacey as "Gigglefest," & I'm a bit worried that I may have gotten in over my head. She & her friends seem to be looking foreword to it, but she keeps claiming that at sleepovers, everyone has to stay up all night. I certainly hope that doesn't end up being the case, but I guess we'll see.

I Made it through the Wilderness

Last night's Tiger's game made 2007 my first multi-game season since 1984. My sister called me about 3:00 to tell me she had a couple free tix & since Jean & Dan already had tix, we made it a nice family outing, particularly since they're all moving away this month. The game sucked though, unless of course you're an Oakland fan. It was the second loss I saw this year, & thinking back to the 1984 season, I never saw a win then either. Seeing as they all had their heads inserted miles up their asses, we left during the 8th inning & headed up Woodward to get a beer at the Garden Bowl, the bad & bowling alley which resides within the Majestic complex. We had a couple beers & were preparing to go when some knucklehead calling himself "The Millionaire" (not to be confused w/ Ted DiBiase) started passing out slips of paper for some good old fashion karaoke. We continued to drink our pitchers of Miller Lite when Elizabeth decided it would be a good idea to perform "I Walk the Line." She was impressive, but not nearly as impressive as the bartender who saw fit to break out "The Humpty Dance." That was pretty sweet, as was the woman who sang "Creep." She went nuts on the "so fucking special" part & inserted a few little references to Detroit. As for myself, I had considered doing "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" or "We Built this City," but the former was taken by the very first person to sing & a group of people did a different Starship song so the latter wasn't really a god idea after all. In the end, as it had been a long time since I sang in public, maybe it was fitting that I finally got up there and belted out "Like a Virgin." complete w/ cock rubbing & groin grinding. By 1:45, we were all able to agree that a shitty night at the ballpark ended up pretty well & a good time was had by everyone.
I made it through the wilderness
Somehow I made it through
Didn't know how lost I was
Until I found you

I was beat incomplete
I'd been had, I was sad and blue
But you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel
Shiny and new

Like a virgin
Touched for the very first time
Like a virgin
When your heart beats
Next to mine

Gonna give you all my love, boy
My fear is fading fast
Been saving it all for you
'Cause only love can last

You're so fine and you're mine
Make me strong, yeah you make me bold
Oh your love thawed out
Yeah, your love thawed out
What was scared and cold

Like a virgin
Touched for the very first time
Like a virgin
With your heartbeat
Next to mine

Oooh, oooh, oooh

You're so fine and you're mine
I'll be yours 'till the end of time
'Cause you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel
I've nothing to hide

Like a virgin
Touched for the very first time
Like a virgin
With your heartbeat
Next to mine

Like a virgin, ooh, ooh
Like a virgin
Feels so good inside
When you hold me, and your heart beats, and you love me

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Ooh, baby
Can't you hear my heart beat
For the very first time?

Game On!!!

The Premier League starts tomorrow, & while I know you're all dying for a long Arsenal post, I'm gonna keep it short and just give you a couple highlights reels. Arsenal plays Fulham on Sunday; here are some highlights from ast time Fulham went to Ashburton Grove:

2007 Highlights:

London Calling:

Goin' Up the Country

Our little compound

I picked the kids up from their mom's house around noon on Thursday & we headed to Stacey's dad's cottage (which is really not a cottage at all... as Aiden kept reminding me: "I thought it wouldn't be so nice; cottages are usually small & run down.") I don't know where he got this info about cottages, but small & run down it isn't. He even has a sweet, sweet shuffle board table! It's nicer & longer than the one at the Tap Room Annex. The next morning, we made the drive up M 115 to Empire for the festival. Seeing as we got there 1st, & because I'm such a nice fucking guy, I set up Dawn's & Warren & Georgina's tents for them so we could all be together in a nice little hippie compound. We could hear the music from our tents, but Solstice wouldn't accept that. She needed to be able to see. Particularly for the headliners, she demanded to go & dance. She loved Particle & Dark Star Orchestra. In fact, when Dark Star played a 45 minute "Dark Star">"Other One" w/ crazy feedback & space, she kept saying how weird it was & how much she was loving it!!! Maybe is was my daughter's energy or maybe it was the crazy jams, but either way, this was my favorite DSO show. Other than that, i loved particle & The David Grisman Quintet. I'd never seen them before... holy shit can they play! Aside from the music, the festival also had a free shuttle to the beach, so we went swimming a bunch in sight of the dunes & we went tubing down the Platte River on Sat. morning. My kids told me that was their favorite part of the trip.

Viewing the dunes from the beach

Climbing the Dunes

Sun. morning, before making the drive to Petoskey, we climbed the Dunes. I hadn't been there in over 20 years. The climb wasn't quite as easy as it used to be. Some of you will claim that it's because I'm older & fatter, but I'm going to say it's because the dunes have grown about 40 feet & become much steeper. The last time I climbed the dunes was w/ a soccer team from Woking, England who were in town to play some games w/ the Petoskey high school team. I suppose I may actually be older & fatter than I was then. I'm not sure though. After an ice cream break, we drove to Petoskey via The Ironton Ferry. In order to take the ferry, one needs to go about a half hour out of one's way, but the kids loved the idea of driving onto a boat, & so did I. This is something else I hadn't done since I was a kid. This began our sojourn into Hemingway country. In fact, some of the Nick Adams stories take place right by here the ferry is. The other Hemingway connection this weekend came on Mon. when we went w/ Elizabeth & Dan to Walloon Lake. Hemingway's childhood home was on the lake... as was mine (from 2-4 years old). I showed the kids the house I lived in & we swam for a while in the absolutely beautiful lake. Elizabeth kept saying how shocked she was that it was so beautiful. She even went so far as to claim it looked like the Smokey Mountains. And she's kind of right. Considering how often people claim they hate the mid-West, I have to say that over the last couple weeks, we've seen some cool shit w/in 4 hours of Ypsi.

The view from the Ferry

While in Petoskey, we also drove around the old hood, went to Pirate's Cove, & ate at La Senorita. Again, my kids had a great time. They also had a great time on Tuesday when we went to the fish hatchery in Oden, about 10 minutes north of Petoskey. It is a really cool place w/ an nice educational bent. The got to learn all about fish populations, woodland habitats, & pollution. After lunch at The Big Buck Brewery in Gaylord, where the wait staff knew nothing about the beer (the extent of their knowledge seemed to be that the lager was like Budweiser & the red ale was like Guinness... ridiculous), the educational tour continued w/ a stop at Hartwick Pines State Park in Grayling. It's based around an old growth forest so we got to learn more about conservation & the environmental effects of poor land use. We then ended the day back at Stacey's dad's place where we went out in the pontoon boat and cruised around the lake for a while before we all crashed pretty early. All in all, an exhausting vacation, but a great time was had by all.

My Old Home Place

At the hatchery

Niagara, Part II

The Ripley's Museum on the Street of Fun
After the main water attractions, I took my kids up the "Street of Fun:" the street featuring all of the kitchy tourist trap shit. Of course this was some of their favorite stuff. I got a free adult pass to the funhouse & then we went to the Ripley's Museum which I'll admit was pretty fuckin' sweet. Afterwards, we decided to get dinner & considering the expensive mediocre meal the night before, we decided to get out of the main area of town to find a restaurant. This was the best decision of the trip as it lead us to The Flying Saucer Restaurant! A restaurant shaped like a fucking flying saucer. The food was great & it was cheap as hell. We went back the next morning for their 99 cent breakfast special too before hitting The Welland Canal so my mom could watch the freighters going through the locks... she lives for that shit... don't ask; I don't get it either.

At the Flying Saucer w/ my kids

Mom & Dad at the canal
After the locks, we went to The African Lion Safari, a huge outdoor wild-life preserve through which one drives while looking at (or in the case of many of the douche bags in near us, feed junk food and gum to) the animals. It was like a big zoo, & not being the biggest fan of zoos, it was alright. The kids loved it, especially the baboons who were climbing all over people's cars, particularly those who put fries or potato chips on their windshields. We also took the boat ride around some small islands, all of which featured different kinds of monkeys. Then we stood in line for 45 minutes while waiting for a train ride that didn't really go anywhere or show us any animals. It's alright though. We had a good time, & the kids thought it was pretty cool. Of course we drove passed it twice because it wasn't well marked, but the signage for The Four Seasons Nudist Resort down the road was impossible to miss. I wanted to check that out too, but we were short on time & the idea of 70-somethings playing volleyball while letting their wrinkly little pricks flap in the wind doesn't really sound like the way I want to spend my afternoon. Well, it kind of does, but as I said, we didn't have time. Be sure to check back soon for the Dungrass/Petoskey updates. I'm pretty excited to get to show the kids Niagara & Sleeping Bear w/in a week & a half. Along w/ the Everglades, the Mississippi, The Grand Canyon & a few other places out west, the dunes & the falls are 2 of the weirdest, most amazing wonders of nature in North America. I don't think they'd be able to comprehend the grandness of the Mississippi yet though, but They certainly understood the sublimity of the falls. Of course, the sublime nature of a nudist resort can't be under-estimated either.

At the African Lion Safari