Friday, September 7, 2007

Anal Bleeding

I know you, faithful readers, are assuming this must be a euphemism or a joke, but no, this post is actually about anal bleeding... among other things. A week ago, my lovely son became my green, nauseous, sickly son for a couple days. He recovered pretty quickly, but then I too got a stomach bug. In the immortal words of Vyvyan Basterd, I had quite a runny bottom. I'm not sure if it's the same thing he had though because it seems to have effected me differently. While I threw nothing up, everything that went in did have the propensity to come out quickly, it just used the other end. I wasn't been able to be w/o a toilet for more than a couple hours, & if I ate something, I had a window of about 15 minutes. The constant wiping has caused the dreaded bleeding, but I think my innards are on the mend because I was able to fart this morning w/o blowing a gasket & squirting in my shorts. This is the first time since Sunday that I've felt comfortable risking such a thing. Obviously, this had made me happy since the longer I go w/o the old diarrhea, the longer my butt hole has to heal.If anyone is still reading @ this point, I'll have you know I'm also happy because last night during dinner, I mentioned that I was in the mood to watch Victory, & when I then had to explain to my kids that it's a film about war & soccer, they jumped at the chance to watch it w/ me. They felt it had a slow start because they just wanted to get to the game, but I'll admit that I have been known to skip ahead to the game on a few occasions, so I can't blame them for that. It was funny, though, watching them watch the film w/o much understanding of Nazis or the Holocaust. When a group of German officers were discussing the implications of allowing Concentration Camp workers to be involved in the team, one said the game wasn't a good idea. To this Aiden was shocked: "A soccer game is ALWAYS a good idea!" Damn he made me proud. While Solstice was a bit more familiar w/ the context, & she was really in to the idea of reading the subtitles (as she was when we saw Mr. Bean's Holiday the other day), the conversation about bribing the ref went over her head; I guess she's never been exposed to cheating, which is probably good, but maybe she's been a little too sheltered. I'll have to pay off a couple refs for her games this fall to acclimate her to the real world. As a side note, you can order your very own Victory replica jersey here... I would suggest you do it so you can join Stallone, Caine, & Pele in taking a kick at the Fuhrer.3rdly, I'm happy because school has started & the kids are loving their teachers. I'm loving being back in the classroom, & I'm loving that Bob Dylan is coming to EMU on Oct. 12th w/ Elvis Costello. Tickets went on sale about 15 minutes ago, os get them before they're gone. It should be a fantatic night; I haven't seen Dylan in a while, & I've never seen Elvis Costello. My previous Dylan shows are as follows:
*May 16, 1996: Pine Knob Music Theater (Amy Mann opened) w/ my ex-wife
*February 15, 1998: University Of Toledo (some young guitar guy opened) w/ my ex-wife
*July 7, 1999: Pine Knob Music Theatre (Paul Simon opened) w/ my ex/wife, Gina, Andy, & Jenn
* Audust 6, 2003: Polaris Amphitheater (opened for The Dead) w/ my ex-wife, Dawn, & someone my ex worked with whose name I've forgotten

8 comments:

Stacey said...

Try gently PATTING your bottom with tissue. You're not trying to save money by using cornhusks are you?

So, I got my Bob Dylan ticket this morning, and while in line I chatted with Julia from the Ypsi Studio who told me that she's organizing family-friendly kickball once at month at Prospect Park. The first one is September 16 at noon. So, maybe I will try a lumbering-around-on-land sport, after all.

Andre said...

I was talking about Dylan in class today and suggested that never again will someone so famous come to EMU. A couple people suggested that Maya Angelou is more famous and I was stumped. Sub-cultural differences are interesting in that the white kids had never heard of her and the black kids had never heard of him. strange, strange, strange.

Daye said...

OH CRAP! I still didn't get those tickets! Remnd Petey tonight okay?

jason said...

Was the Mr. Bean movie as bad as it looks? Do I have to report you to child services for subjecting your kids to that? Why were there subtitles?

Temporary like Achilles said...

It was actually a lot better than it looks. In fact, I was going to write a review on here (and sort of recommend it), but I forgot. I'll do it this weekend. The subtitles were because it takes place in france, and rather than having people speak English w/ a French accent, they actually had French people speaking French.

anna louise said...

I take it your feeling better now.Take care

Laura Jacquez said...

sorry to read about your ass, hot legs.

Joe said...

First, excellent 'Young Ones' reference! Second, Victory is an underrated Stallone classic! Well done...