The Thong Story

Last night while we were eating, Solstice started talking about her clothes. I don't recall why, but I think it started w/ something about her sweater & what she'll wear this weekend to the ceremony for Isaiah @ their church. Suddenly, & totally out of nowhere, she said she could wear a thong. Stephanie nearly spit out her food as I sat there w/ a completely dumbfounded look on my face (I know, that's how I always sit there, but this time it was apropos). Stephanie asked her if she even knew what one was &, being a child of the 21st Century, of course she knew. I'm certain that when I was in 4th grade, I had no idea what a thong was... & believe me, Women's underwear styles were certainly high on my list of things to know about. However, as Claudia Wallis explains ever so snobbishly in her article from Time, "The Thing About Thongs," it's quite possible that for young girls, thongs aren't sexual so much as they are just a flag of membership... like when Solstice got her 1st training bra (there's another story; I asked her why in the world she thought she needed a bra & she just got mad @ me... that was pretty funny). So anyway, we then asked how she knew about them, but she didn't really have an answer to that 1... they're just part of society I suppose, like Star Wars & Huckleberry Finn. I finally asked, keeping in mind the "flag of membership" issue, if many of her friends were wearing them, to which she responded in the best way ever! "I don't know; I don't go around pantsing my friends." She is fantastic.

The Real Reason Beckham Went to Milan: A Lovely Probe

The Most Famous Cup Competition in the World or Suck it Stanley Cup Fans!

Last night saw the beginning of Round 4 of the FA Cup as Derby County & Nottingham Forest drew 1-1 forcing a replay @ Forest next week. The lion's share of the matches take place today though w/ a few final 4th Round games tomorrow. As I type this, West Ham are playing away to League 1 side Hartlepool & Hartlepool are actually giving them quite a game (well... as I'm about to publish theis, West Ham is suddenly up 2-0). Then @ 10:00 Millwall will be @ Hull, Blackburn go to Sunderland, Sheffiled U host Charlton, last year's champions Portsmouth are home to Swansea, Ipswitch travel to Chelsea... an Ipswich victory isn't really on the cards, but it's be a welcome one none the less. There are also matches like Villa @ Doncaster, Burnley @ West Brom, Coventry @ non-league Torquay United, Kettering Town host Fulham, Watford host C. Palace, & Wolves play host to Boro. Then @ 12:15, Man U host Tottenham, a preview of what's to come in The League Cup final next month. Of course, tomorrow last year's runners-up, Cardiff, the only non-English team that I know of in the English Football Associating, host Arsenal (a match which could feature Aaron Ramsey, Arsenal's 18 year old Welshman play against his former club) before Everton have to travel all the way to the other side of town to meet Liverpool for the 2nd time this week.I love FA Cup weekends. I love watching the bigger teams field their fringe players; I love watching smaller clubs knock out the bigger ones; I love seeing the tiny stadia of clubs like Forest Green Rovers who barely lost to Derby last month @ The New Lawn, a stadium w/ an average attendance of 800 people... I feel as though my team could round up 800 random people if we were playing a big team. Maybe we'll start calling ourselves The Forest Green Team rather than the Dark Green Team.

Andre's Belated Reflections on the Inauguration

I know by now these things have been covered ad nauseam on the Internet, but not in the Visions of Ypsi style, & as I haven't had time to post over the last few days, here it goes.

The Dog & The Dress: I'm glad it's over so we can stop focusing on Michelle Obama's dress & actually start talking about real issues again. On Monday morning, some fashion jockey on The Today Show actually said that the entire nation has a vested interest in the dress. I understand that the fashion industry does, but the entire nation? Give me a fucking break! The other issue that has finally run its course is the White House Dog. "Holy Shit!!! What kind of dog will they get???" You all know how I feel about dogs, but even dog lovers should have been getting a bit sick of the constant concern everyone seemed to have about this fucking dog. I had neither a vested interest in the dress nor in the dog. There are a few things I have been interested in though so here we go.

Aretha's Hat: The Free Press seems to have overstated people's love for it as I've not heard anyone actually support it. I liked it though. It seems that when a woman reaches a certain age, she's allowed to wear ridiculous hats & it certainly fits the bill. Furthermore, it was Detroit-Made which is always good for everyone in the area. Also, it only cost $179, not that I've ever spent that much on a hat, but I would have thought it was a lot more than that. I imagine people performing in that sort of venue have spent thousands on hats.

Audi: I don't know about the television feeds, but on-line all the feeds were sponsored by a German based auto company. I know the market demands the sale of sponsorship goes to the highest bidder, but considering the economy & the state of the Big 3, 1 would think that we'd get an American (union) company sponsoring the Inauguration.

The Crowd: I haven't paid this much attention to an Inauguration in quite a long time, but I don't recall them ever being like this before. There were a shit-ton of people paying attention to it. Not just the crowd, but the TV audience too. Even my students watched it.

Cheney's Wheelchair: Even the London Telegraph seemed a bit unclear about this issue. Supposedly, he pulled a muscle in his back while moving into his new home... really? The 67 year old 4-time heart attack victim who was also still the VP @ the time was moving his own boxes? Even to the Telegraph, it seemed more likely that he suffered from something more serious but wanted to keep it quiet... which is obviously his M.O. I like that even w/ 10 minutes to go in office, he may have kept on lying to us. Way to go Mr. VP... Biden will have to go some to match your sneakiness.

The Speech: It was fantastic, but @ times a bit creepy. The Daily Show commentary pointed out something I noticed & jokingly dealt w/ it the same way I did. When Bush talks about hunting people down & fighting an endless war, it's scary & imperialistic... but when Obama does it, I kind of assume he's just going through the motions... I sure hope that's all it is... & w/ his immediate changes in Git/Mo that seems to be the case.

The Tears: I'd be lien if I didn't admit that I squeezed out a few over the course of the hour or so I was able to watch. I told myself I would stay distant & critical of the administration, but as soon as they walked out I got a little misty. In fact, even before they walked out, when Bill Clinton & George H. W. Bush hugged, I teared up a bit. What can I saw, it was an emotional time.

The Oath: Obviously too much has been made of the stumbling over The Oath, & if anything, Obama should have come out of it looking good since he was aware of the problem & stopped. The vagueness of the Article 2 & the 20th Amendment have made people a bit too worried about the way the Oath was taken the other day.

Either way though, it's done now & we can finally celebrate a new president. But stay vigilant because he's, above all else, a politician so our optimism must remain cautious & we need to ensure he does good things in his 1st term before we start looking towards his 2nd.

So Long, George W. Bush!

For those of you who are like me & have to work today, here are a few links you can use to catch the inaugural stuff on-line:

Presidential Inaugural Committee 2009: This is the official site, but the stream seams problematic.

C-SPAN: They have a lot of streams, which is a mixed blessing... it's hard to decide which one to watch. I'll stick w/ the main 1 as long as it stops breaking up.

Terra: for our Spanish speaking friends... our our non-Spanish speaking friends who would prefer to watch it in Spanish... Solstice used to do this all the time w/ kids shows & is much more prolific w/ Spanish than I'll ever be.

CNN: The CNN feed has some weird partnership w/ Facebook so I suppose you can poke people while you watch... or throw things @ them or play Wordscraper or....

Words Part Deux

You may recall Visions of Ypsi's pledge to bring new & exciting words to the English language this year in the run-up to April 29, the day The Global Language Monitor claims English will gain its 1 millionth word. You got "Chimilicious" on Dec. 21, so now, nearly a month later, I'm ready to break out another 1. This term was actually coined by Solstice & seems fitting for Inauguration week... a week that has suddenly gained some sort of Mardi Grasesque status. I'm sure people are walking around topless & throwing beads @ each other in DC which suggests that even if that is the only change Obama brings about, we can call his presidency a success. That said, I gotta say I'm pretty sick of the overt racism associated w/ the waves of Obama-love that are sweeping the country. A guy I work w/ said his in-laws wanted to go to a Black Church to celebrate the election. That's fucked up! I saw a tribute to Yo, MTv Raps on which Flava Flav & Snoop Dog suggested that we'll all be eating collards & neck-bones, which was funny, but people have taken that idea much too seriously. He's just a politician... we can't all lose out shit over him; we must remember the 11th Commandment as explained by Mr. Weinberg, my 10th grade history teacher: Thou Shalt Get Re-Elected! His Blackness is tertiary in relation to his politics. So before you go assuming you'll see George Clinton & Kanye West on stage w/ the President tomorrow, remember you'll actually see Yo Yo Ma & Itzhak Perlman playing the music of John Williams. Along w/ Obama, we'll have the 3 whitest non-white people in the history of white non-white people on stage together... if they can find a way to get Will Smith up there they'll create some sort of whiteness wormhole which could possibly unmake creation.With this in mind, & w/o further ado, I give you the new word (from Solstice) which takes us all 1 step closer to our 1 millionth word: "Barack-a-lack-a-boom." The pseudo-blackness taken on by white people who are loving Obama to the point of enacting racial stereotypes about dancing, food, or religion. It can also relate to the racial swagger people assume Obama has while he rarely actually displays this. Remember, as we learned in Annie Hall, a racist for the left is still a racist!

Burns' Night: Saturday the 24th

Don't forget to start thinking about the poem you plan to read @ the Knapp/Dewees residence next week. You may also need to press your kilt & get a bottle of Scotch. Although, as always, if you need to choose between the ironing & the Scotch buying, choose the Scotch! I always do. I'm personally looking forward to both the kilt and the Scotch; in fact, I was thinking about going formal this year... we'll see if I really break out the flashers & dirk. To prepare for the festivities, you may also want to find a set of bagpipes (that actually have a hole all the way through the blowpipe & chanter). Another thing you could do would be to have yourself a merry little kilt-a-thon film fest by watching movies like Brigadoon, Rob Roy, Tunes of Glory, Braveheart, etc. A longer list of kilted films is available here. It's obviously not an exhaustive list, & some of the films mentioned are only peripherally kilted, but others are pretty damn good. The film on the list that I think I need to see soon is The Match... because along w/ a main character in a kilt, it's about the rivalry between a couple pub soccer teams.

Burns' Poetry

Recipes

Kilts

Utilikilts

Bag Pipes

Post Good Things & Good Things Get Posted

I was looking for info about the new season of Lost when I found this totally unrelated clip. Maybe there's a relation in that along w/ Lost, My Name is Earl is 1 of my favorite shows. As we have 2 episodes DVRed for tonight, a good way to get into the My name is spirit would be to watch this sometimes funny, sometimes not so funny gag/outtakes reel from season 2. It's generally funnier than it is unfunny & I'm a sucker for outtakes & gag reels... & clip shows which feature these types of things. Enjoy, & then enjoy a little of Jason Lee skateboarding from his previous career. The 1st song in this clip is called "The Knife Song," but I can't find much more info than that (other than the possibility that the lead singer of the band may be Jeff Tremaine of Big Brother Magazine fame & the creator of Jackass. The band is apparently called Milk). It kind of sounds like a mix of early '90s LA pop-punk & Ecoustic Hookah... I dig it.The othe rpoint of interest in this video is that young Jason Lee looks much more like the kid who plays Young Earl Hickey than I would have expected.

Top 100 Hip Hop Songs: Better Late than Never

I don't know how we missed this the 1st time around, but apparently back in September VH1 constructed a list of the Top 100 Hip Hop Songs of all time. Even though we missed it the 1st time around, I suppose it could still use a few comments here. In general, I understand the problems w/ picking 100 songs & the problematic nature of then prioritizing them from 100-1, so I will leave the majority of the picks alone. For instance, I was never a fan of "Baby Got Back," but I suppose it has its historical significance, besides, neither the beans nor the rice miss me very often either. That said, here are my observations:
* Some of the picks seem to be there as a way for VH1 to plug their other shows. The fact that Warren G & Yo Yo feature on the VH1 shows doesn't necessarily mean their songs deserve a spot in the top 100... "Regulate" is pretty cool, but in the Top 100? I don't think so.
* I was surprised by the number of newer songs w/ which I was familiar. I assumed I knew nothing about rap post-The Chronic, but as it turns out, I recognized a few of them. Albeit, my familiarity w/ "Ridin" by Chamillionaire ft. Krayzie Bone is based on my familiarity w/ Weird Al's parody "White & Nerdy."
* If I were to make a similar list, I imagine it would be more 1988-1992centeric so I guess I'm a bit biased against the newer stuff, & even though Biggie was almost 15 years ago now (& hence not really "newer), I never understood his mass-appeal.
* I like 71-70, "Freaks Come Out at Night" > "Pop Goes the Weasel." Whodini always cracked me up... what was w/ that one dude's hat? And then, I always get excited when people give 3rd Bass the props they deserve.
* Big Punisher ft. Joe @ #76? Who the hell are they & how can a rapper be called Joe? He needs a better name like Lil Joe or Mixmaster Joe or even just LL Cool Joe.
* Lil' Kim ft. Lil' Cease @ 75... I don't know the song (or who this Lil Cease person is), but Lil Kim should be higher on the list based solely on her tits... as shown here w/ Diana Ross.
* Jungle Brothers, Nas & De La Soul should be higher on the list... especially since Puff Daddy, Roxanne Shante & Tone Loc are higher than them.
* As far as the Top 10 goes, I don't have many problems other than these:
** LL Cool J should be in the Top 10 rather than Biggie.
** "Rapper's Delight," while historically important, isn't really that great of a song... I can understand its place in the Top 10, but #2 is pushing it.
** Public Enemy @ #1 is obvious, but their blatant absence from the rest of the list is strange. Their best is the greatest Hip Hop song ever, but their 2nd best isn't even in the Top 100? I don't but it. "Black Steel in the Hour of Chaos," "Bring the Noise," "Welcome to the Terrordome," "Leave this off Your Fucking Charts," "Terminator X to the Edge of Panic," "Prophets of Rage," & "Rebel w/o a Pause" could all easily make that list.Overall, it was fun to watch it last night while flipping back & forth w/ Jedi. What we saw of Jedi brought about a few new issues I never thought about before too, but I may save them for a different post. Here's a hint though... CGI Ewoks & some logic in the floor plan of Palpatine's Thrown Room might help the film. And speaking of the Thrown Room scene, I just found this fun little overview of the extent of Vader's injuries as explained by some random fan-boy.

Another Sledding Injury

After the awesome Arsenal match today (1-0 thanks to a late winner from Bendtner), I took the kids to Highland Cemetery where they'd been too afraid to sled last month... not to be confused w/ St. John's Cemetery, the Cemetery across the street in which Solstice & I got locked over the summer. We had a great time, but the hill I assumed would be sweet was actually kind of shit. It was covered w/ large (maybe 10 inches in diameter) clumps of frozen dirt that made for a rather bumpy ride & didn't do my 2-hole a whole Hell of a lot of good. Of course, the quick stop @ the bottom didn't make things much better & I jammed my hand which didn't do my finger a whole Hell of a lot of good. Once that spot was nixed, we decided on a smaller area right by some tombstones which ended up being really cool. We even saw a grave of a dude who was born in 1788. Solstice was impressed that he was born before the Constitution & the French Revolution. Aiden was impressed that his grave was so close to a good sledding hill. They were also interested in the grave of the 2 year old kid from 1897 which meant we got to talk about infant mortality & scientific advances over the last 100 years.

The Second Post of the Year is a Soccer Post... But Read On

Much has been made over the years by women around the world (& by Donnie) about the hottness of soccer players like Ronaldo & Fabregas, so I thought listing starting 11 ugliest players in world football would be a good way to celebrate the opening of the January Transfer Window & the 3rd round of the FA Cup (not to mention the fact that U-Verse just got Setanta Sports). I spet a few minutes debating my formation, but in order to keep it as realistic as possible, I'm going w/ a 4-4-2, w/ an advanced central mid-fielder acting almost as a 3rd striker. Here it is:
D. James
W. Brown--C. Puyol--J. Lescott--M. Silvestre
S.Ireland
----------------------------------G. Bale
F. Ribery--------Ronaldinho-----------
-----C. Tevez------P. Crouch
Goalkeeper David James will also make the list later this month of footballers w/ weird hair. He's a sort of 2-face in that I think he could probably be a good looking guy, but this is just ridiculous. I don't get this guy. He's a talented right back @ Man U w/ a bunch of international caps, but his weird albino black dude look creeps me out. That's not a racist statement because albino white dudes & albino dudes of other races creep me out too. I can't even listen to the guitar stylings of Edgar Winter. Everton Center Bacl, Joleon Lescott was probably a fine lookin' guy before he took a boot to the face a few years ago... now he's just fugly. Spain & Barcelona captain Carles Puyol would look as @ home in a BC comic strip as he does on the football pitch. The Arsenal right back is more comfortable in the center, but has been decent cover for the injured Gael Clichy.. while the shadow cast by his enormous noggin has been decent cover for most of N. London. Disfigured in a car accident @ 2 years old, the France & Bayern Munich star, Frank Ribery, may have a good excuse for being ugly... but he's still ugly. Steven Ireland of Man City looks like a cross between Skeletor & some meth-loving trucker... nasty! Ronaldinho, the Brazilian super-star, has lost a bit lately due to excessive partying... which is conveinient because he'll always be availible to open a beer w/ those bottle openers that hang down below his nose. It's not an amazing logical mind that has garnered Gareth Bale, the Welsh left winger, a pile of Spock comparisons. I can't figure out how Portsmouth striker Peter Crouch doesn't break a leg every time he walks on the pitch... he's a gauky mother fucker. The Argentina & Man U striker could have had his burn scar fixed while playing for Boca Junior but thought they make him who he is... admirable, but disgusting.

Holiday Post #12: Your Visions of Ypsi Celebrity M.I.L.F. of the Year

While 4 of the nominees got no votes whatsoever (Heche, Simpson, Foster, or Driver), none of other nominees ran away w/ the title either. It was a much closer race than in previous years, but like last year, it has come down to the tie-breaker vote. Before we get to that, I'd also like to point out that while a few regulars failed to cast a vote... which apparently means they will now die... we have a few newbies & they have our gratitude. Now, w/o further ado, we give you your 2009 Visions of Ypsi Celebrity M.I.L.F. of the Year: Gwen Stefani. As you can see here, she's always fulfilled her Milfy duties well, & she offers what few others have offered in the past... she's hotter preggers than pre-preggers.Usually, she looks a bit on the anorexic side of things, but while knocked up she puts on a little weight & looks really good. I've never been a fan of her music, but that's not what we're judging her anyway. I' sure she's excited to have this opportunity & to face the challenge that is being The Visions of Ypsi Celebrity M.I.L.F. of the Year. Matching the standard set by Maggie Gyllenhaal a few years ago might be too much to ask, but she'll definitely do as well as Michelle Williams & she'll probably out-milf Angelina Jolie... oh, & Happy New Year to you all.