Saturday, January 3, 2009

The Second Post of the Year is a Soccer Post... But Read On

Much has been made over the years by women around the world (& by Donnie) about the hottness of soccer players like Ronaldo & Fabregas, so I thought listing starting 11 ugliest players in world football would be a good way to celebrate the opening of the January Transfer Window & the 3rd round of the FA Cup (not to mention the fact that U-Verse just got Setanta Sports). I spet a few minutes debating my formation, but in order to keep it as realistic as possible, I'm going w/ a 4-4-2, w/ an advanced central mid-fielder acting almost as a 3rd striker. Here it is:
D. James
W. Brown--C. Puyol--J. Lescott--M. Silvestre
S.Ireland
----------------------------------G. Bale
F. Ribery--------Ronaldinho-----------
-----C. Tevez------P. Crouch

Goalkeeper David James will also make the list later this month of footballers w/ weird hair. He's a sort of 2-face in that I think he could probably be a good looking guy, but this is just ridiculous.
I don't get this guy. He's a talented right back @ Man U w/ a bunch of international caps, but his weird albino black dude look creeps me out. That's not a racist statement because albino white dudes & albino dudes of other races creep me out too. I can't even listen to the guitar stylings of Edgar Winter.
Everton Center Bacl, Joleon Lescott was probably a fine lookin' guy before he took a boot to the face a few years ago... now he's just fugly.
Spain & Barcelona captain Carles Puyol would look as @ home in a BC comic strip as he does on the football pitch.
The Arsenal right back is more comfortable in the center, but has been decent cover for the injured Gael Clichy.. while the shadow cast by his enormous noggin has been decent cover for most of N. London.
Disfigured in a car accident @ 2 years old, the France & Bayern Munich star, Frank Ribery, may have a good excuse for being ugly... but he's still ugly.
Steven Ireland of Man City looks like a cross between Skeletor & some meth-loving trucker... nasty!
Ronaldinho, the Brazilian super-star, has lost a bit lately due to excessive partying... which is conveinient because he'll always be availible to open a beer w/ those bottle openers that hang down below his nose.
It's not an amazing logical mind that has garnered Gareth Bale, the Welsh left winger, a pile of Spock comparisons.
I can't figure out how Portsmouth striker Peter Crouch doesn't break a leg every time he walks on the pitch... he's a gauky mother fucker.
The Argentina & Man U striker could have had his burn scar fixed while playing for Boca Junior but thought they make him who he is... admirable, but disgusting.

3 comments:

dan said...

The meth loving trucker had a hell of a game a week or so back.

Andre said...

Yeah. there's talk of him going to Arsenal too!

jason said...

Check out the latest shenanigans of your boy Ribery!

http://deadspin.com/5127205/small-middle-eastern-nation-terrorized-by-bus-shenanigans

And when you make your list of most metrosexual soccer players, Christiano Ronaldo is sure to be captain.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/manchester/7820047.stm