Bad News Everywhere I Go

Last night @ The Magic Bag, Whitey Morgan & the 78's had their fun CD release party for their 2nd album, Whitey Morgan & the 78's. We'd been looking foreword to is for a few weeks, but @ the last minute Stephanie came down w/ a nasty cold. She still wanted the cd though, so I gave Dan a call & the 2 of us checked it out. We got there right as Horse Cave Trio, a fun rockabilly group w/ w/ obvious influences from Carl Perkins & ZZ Top were starting "That's Alright, Mama." I love it when I walk in on a band I've never seen & they play a tune I love. They also did a dark cover of "Folsom Prison Blues" which reminded us of "Jesus Left Chicago." The other song that stands out, I imagine it's called "Outlaw Blues" because they used that phrase a lot, was less impressive. Rule 1: Name a song after a Dylan song... you got big shoes to fill. Rule 2: verses modeled after "The Future's so Bright" don't really fit in a song named after a Dylan song. They were fun, & certainly talented, but were definitely 1 trick ponies.

At 11:40, Whitey came out & rocked. Apparently, Seger's manager was there checking them out. I hope he dug it because they played a fantastic set. To the best of my memory, here's the list:

Paradise >Bad News
Cheatin' Again
Honky Tonk Angel
Cocaine Train
Another Round
If It Ain't Broke
Memories Cost A lot
Turn Up the Bottle
Where Do You Want It?
I Ain't Drunk

Encore:
Honky Tonk Heros
Crazy

They were great & he crowd was fantastic (albeit a bit smaller than I expected). Dan seemed to dig them too, which was very cool. However, I had a scary ass moment on the way home.

I was rollin' down Southfield 'round 1:30 when the driver's side rear wheel started makin' noise. It sounded like something was caught in the wheel, but then it just stopped... w/in 30 seconds I as on the side of the road though. The tire blew out in what might be the most inconvenient place on Earth. There I was, laying just off of the expressway in the dark w/ cars wizzing by @ 70 MPH. I can say this... it wasn't fun. i got the tire changed & slowly on my stupid little spare made it home.

This afternoon, after watching Arsenal gain a few points on Chelsea, I headed out to replace the tire. I was hoping to find an open junk yard to keep it on the cheap: no dice. I ended up @ a shady auto place on Michigan Ave. At that point, I stalled in the lot & couldn't get it started again. (Sidenote: it stalls all the time, like @ every stop.) It turns out it I needed a new battery & a new starter so what started as a hunt for a cheap tire ended w/ me splashing a lot more cash than i could afford. On the positive side, they replaced the PVC Elbow which was the cause of the stalling. The ironic thing is that I tried to replace it 6 months ago, but the places I went claimed they couldn't get one. Furthermore, the constant stalling & restarting was what cause the other problems. Had I been able to replace it when I 1st tried, the other things would have been avoided. At least it'll work right now, and I'll be sure to make it out to the next Whitey Morgan show. You should too.

Oliver Kuttner & The X Prize

His car, looking like something out of THX-1138 or Logan's Run, or some other rarely seen '70s sci/fi film, won the coveted X-Prize, a 10 Million dollar award given to environmentally friendly automobiles. His car weighs in @ just over 800 pounds & gets a whopping 110 miles to the gallon. It's even got a back seat & everything so 4 people can sit (albeit probably not so comfortably) in this thing. Furthermore, test runs were made @ the Michigan International Speedway so we get to call this a local interest story too! Here's the story from Morning Edition. Check it out! And then you can check out & edit the Wikipedia page about it.

Cops & Pork

I was heading to Nicola's yesterday morning, knowing full-well that the guy w/ whom I'm supposed to open was going to be late so my mood was rocking from the start. As I was heading West on I-94, just before I got to Briarwood, a State Cop had someone stopped on the shoulder. I slowed down, gave my basic "I'm sorry for ya brother, but it's better you than me" look @ the guy, & kept on cruising @ posted speeds. The cop then pulled back onto the road & sped up right behind me. I thought, "Fuck! this dude is going to pull me over... What the hell???" No sooner do I think this than his light goes, & I have to stop. Of course, he comes up to the passenger side window which doesn't go down properly so I roll down the rear window which makes him have to stand towards the back of the car & talk to me over the seats which was actually kind of funny. I ask what's up & he says, "Let me see you identification & once I know who you are I'll tell you." (I know... you're dieing for an Obi-wan quote here, but I balked.) After he read it, he asked me if I knew the law in Michigan that concerns the act of passing a police officer who has someone pulled over. I doubt that's how he phrased it... but you get the point.

At this point I was shocked. Who knew there was a law about that? I said, "I suppose one should slow down & be careful, but I don't know that we need a law that confirms that. You were on the other side of the car like you are now, so there was clearly no danger." This is basically the same logic Maverick used for going below the "Hard-Deck" to get Jester. He proceeded to inform me that 8 years ago a law was passed obliging drivers to move to the other lane so long as the other lane is available. Hmmm... he pulled me over for that shit? Wow!

After asking me about my driving record & hearing about the old yellow Escape, he goes back to his car & runs my info on his little handy-dandy cop-puter. when he returned, he came back to the driver's side... I don't know why... & asked if I was aware I was driving w/ a suspended licence. Neither knowing what the fuck he was talking about, nor thinking too clearly, I asked, " My licence plates are suspended? How is that possible? Is that a thing that happens?" He obviously says, "No, your driver's licence." Apparently, when I totaled my car, I got some $200 driver responsibility fee from the state & when I didn't pay it w/in 30 days, my licence was suspended. He said most people are unaware of this & don't find out until they are in a situation just like I was in. He then said he was going to let me go, but I shouldn't be driving until I pay the fine which will clear up the suspension.

And like a fool I persisted. "But my licence has been suspended... can't you arrest me for driving?" Why? why can't I keep my mouth shut? I'll tell you why. I was shocked & honestly wanted to know what the rule was. "Yep," he said, "I could take you in. It's only a misdemeanor though, & it's Sunday morning so I'm not going to bother you w/ that. Just be careful."

I don't mean to look a gift-horse in the mouth, but why did he bother pulling me over for such a stupid thing if not to check my record in the hopes of finding something exactly like he found? What was he expecting? Warrants for my arrest as an axe murderer? As it turns out, I was able to keep that part of my life a secret. How he went from douchey stickler for the rules to letting me go after a nice public-service explanation of what I'd done wrong, I have no idea. Perhaps he didn't feel comfortable dragging a dude in a kilt to the hokey... for fear of the pokey. I'll tell you what... I was certainly fearing that.In other pig news, I tried a bite of Aiden's bacon a couple days ago . I hadn't had bacon since 1993, but w/ all the hub-bub about it lately, I figured I'd give it a go. It wasn't bad, but the way middle-class white people shit their pants for it is ridiculous. It's just meat, people. Relax! I've said it before & I'll say it again, "Bacon is to the bourgeoisie as cocaine is to the aristocracy & meth to the proletariat."

An Hour w/ the Dregs

After a long afternoon of meetings & syllabizing, I headed out to take care of the new car paper-work. We've had the car for a week & a 1/2, but I couldn't do anything until I got a copy of the release of lien which I didn't get until last Thurs. Of course, Fri. was a furlough day so nothing could get done @ the Sec. of State. Mon. being Labor Day pushed it back again so I finally go things moving today. I went to State Farm for the insurance where they promptly bent me over & inserted the policy directly up my ass w/o passing go (they did collect their dollars though). The totally of the Escape was certainly a negative in terms of the insurance payment. From there I went to the Sec. of State. I know I complained about this a couple years ago, but for you newbies... & for you high-ons who forgot, I'm doing it again. The stench of B.O. must be embedded in the carpet in that place. The funk of 40 thousand years. (If you dig that "Thriller" reference, you'll really dig this Lego version of the "Thriller" video.) I know that place is the great equalizer, everyone has to go there, & many of those people are stinky, but is a little Carpet Fresh too much to ask? It's nasty! I just don't understand why it has to stink so badly. It's not like someone deuced behind the counter, it's just B.O., but maybe I'd prefer the deuce. Of course, w/ the 4 day weekend, the place was packed so once I got my number ("64"), I checked the number they were on ("9") & realized I was in for a long, stinky afternoon.

To kill time, I hit Fun 4 All, the comic book shop a few stores down & checked out Gotham by Gaslight... a graphic that pits batman in 19th century Gotham fighting Jack the Ripper. Strange but kind of cool. I went back & they were up to 45 so I went to Dunham's & scored a dry-erase soccer field clip board. Pretty sweet! I used it this evening... AWESOME! I wish I'd gotten 1 years ago. Afterwards I went back to the Sec. of State & still waited another 15 minutes. While waiting, I did get to see something cool. A woman who shaved (or waxed) off her eye brows & tattooed electric blue dots in their place. The blue even matched her hair. Not as awesome as the dry-erase board, but close. Anyway, my number is finally called, only to find out the release of lien was wrong & I still needed something else. It was apparently from the wrong bank. I don't know how that happened, but I guess I'm in for another stinky day tomorrow.

3... 3... 3 Posts in 1

We'll finish today w/ a fun little feminine urination device but before we get there, let's take a look @ our new car & remember the lovely trip to the Detroit Zoo we took on Tuesday.
The Zoo
We cruised out to Royal Oak on Tuesday morning for a fun-filled day of animals, over-priced food, & bonding-time w/ my brother-in-law. Stephanie had been wanting to take Isaiah out there since he's mad for animals... turns out he loved it. Other than the horse that was a little closer than Isaiah wanted, everything was great. I love the Detroit Zoo... it's big, there are a ton of cool things to see, & took care of the elephants properly, & they don't have neon junk everywhere like Toledo. Piss on the Toledo Zoo! We parked on the top of the garage so I got to spit on to Woodward while we waited for Dan to meet us up there; so I had that going for me. We saw most of the animals starting w/ the penguins & ending w/ the llamas. We walked through the kangaroo exhibit where I learned that I don't like kangaroos very much, mainly because of their gestation process. It creeps me out. Stephanie loved the prairie dogs, Aiden dug the tiger, Solstice dug the penguins & reptiles. I, of course, was into the llamas & hippos, but the prairie dogs were cool. I wish they had a cross-section of their tunnels though. They can dig like they're on Hogans Heroes. They didn't blow up any bridges or bang any local chicks though... just each other.BOO-YAA!
The Car
You may recall I totalled my car last month. Well, I finally replaced it... w/ a 2002 Taurus wagon. It's got 200,000 miles and a sweet tape deck, oh, & a backwards way-back seat. The heat/AC only works when the fan is on full blast & there's a huge crack in the windshield, but for 100 bones it can't be beat. This picture is oddly flattering.

Go Girl
And for the third part of today's awesome post. Women no longer have to take life sitting down, or so says the tag line for this funnel device women can use to aid in out-door peeing. I've seen other devices like this over the years (I remember Holly had a Playgirl w/ Kip Winger on the cover & in the back there was an ad for something like this), but apparently this new design is the best ever. I can't imagine the difference between the best & the worst could really be that great, but I suppose if it means the difference between hitting the target & dripping down a leg then it makes sense. They're marketing it for both out-doorsy stuff & also for use in public restrooms. I get the camping/hunting use, but are women's restrooms really so bad that they necessitate this? Every women's room I've ever seen has fresh flowers & some sort of fancy vending machine. They always get mirrors too. Men only get mirrors about 60% of the time. I guess they can check their Go Girl placement in the mirrors before they pee standing up. That's pretty cool.

High Speed Chase in Ypsi

Last night around 10:30, we had just finished watching Tropic Thunder (which was funny, but not as Earth shattering as I'd been lead to believe) & switched on Man v Wild when we started to hear sirens... not the hotties on some remote island, but the loudies on some gov't vehicles. I assumed we were hearing cops, fire trucks & ambulances because there were so many, but then they came roaring down the alley across the street & turned in front of our house. A few minutes later, they came down the alley again, but this time they went straight between our house & the neighbors'. The chase went on much longer than I would've expected (10 or 15 minutes), & @ 1 point, they even seemed to have lost him as he cruised down the street laid back w/ his cigarette dangling out of the corner of his mouth. Stephanie noticed the butt & is still laughing over the image of him smoking while being tailed through the neighborhood by 6 or 7 city cars, 3 county cars, & a rumored helicopter. In the end, the cops did their job & got him right @ the end of the alley across the street, but it was touch & go for a little while. The idea of a high-speed chase on our street is scary enough, but then the thought that he might slam into our new car which was parked in front of the house added to our heightened anxiety. There's still no word about what he did, but in keeping w/ my sworn duty as a verbal vigilante for Visions of Ypsi, I promise to post any & all info as soon as I get it.

Another post regarding my car

Flat Tire

Fixed Car

When it died

Along w/ these posts on Visions of Ypsi, there were also a couple some rather faithful readers might remember on Lesh Lush. That blog's defunct status makes it impossible to link to those posts, but I'm sure you can reconstruct them in you mind's eye. That said, here's the new info... possibly the final post about that car ever (there might be an update once I get a little more info.)

I saw my Dad this afternoon, his last afternoon in the hospital before moving to a rehab center in Canton tomorrow. I brought Solstice & Aiden & met up w/ Elizabeth who is taking them to the Tigers' game tonight so we all had a nice visit & then I was heading to the grocery store on my way home. I was heading West on Ford Rd in Westland about 1/2 way between Venoy & Wayne when the guy in the pick-up in front of me stopped @ a red light. I proceeded to hit the brakes, but the pedal went all the way to the floor w/o slowing in the least... until I made contact w/ his rear bumper (& tailgate). We got that car in August of 2002. This was only the 2nd accident (the first you may remember occurred on Michigan Ave West of Clinton in the Irish Hills when Stephanie got her neck injury). It was a good car. I always liked the way it handled... and other than the fact that I used to prefer a manual transmission, this was my favorite car that I've ever owned. Perhaps now I can get the '68 Yellow Corvette Stingray I've always wanted.Let's all mourn the Escape together.