Cops & Pork

I was heading to Nicola's yesterday morning, knowing full-well that the guy w/ whom I'm supposed to open was going to be late so my mood was rocking from the start. As I was heading West on I-94, just before I got to Briarwood, a State Cop had someone stopped on the shoulder. I slowed down, gave my basic "I'm sorry for ya brother, but it's better you than me" look @ the guy, & kept on cruising @ posted speeds. The cop then pulled back onto the road & sped up right behind me. I thought, "Fuck! this dude is going to pull me over... What the hell???" No sooner do I think this than his light goes, & I have to stop. Of course, he comes up to the passenger side window which doesn't go down properly so I roll down the rear window which makes him have to stand towards the back of the car & talk to me over the seats which was actually kind of funny. I ask what's up & he says, "Let me see you identification & once I know who you are I'll tell you." (I know... you're dieing for an Obi-wan quote here, but I balked.) After he read it, he asked me if I knew the law in Michigan that concerns the act of passing a police officer who has someone pulled over. I doubt that's how he phrased it... but you get the point.

At this point I was shocked. Who knew there was a law about that? I said, "I suppose one should slow down & be careful, but I don't know that we need a law that confirms that. You were on the other side of the car like you are now, so there was clearly no danger." This is basically the same logic Maverick used for going below the "Hard-Deck" to get Jester. He proceeded to inform me that 8 years ago a law was passed obliging drivers to move to the other lane so long as the other lane is available. Hmmm... he pulled me over for that shit? Wow!

After asking me about my driving record & hearing about the old yellow Escape, he goes back to his car & runs my info on his little handy-dandy cop-puter. when he returned, he came back to the driver's side... I don't know why... & asked if I was aware I was driving w/ a suspended licence. Neither knowing what the fuck he was talking about, nor thinking too clearly, I asked, " My licence plates are suspended? How is that possible? Is that a thing that happens?" He obviously says, "No, your driver's licence." Apparently, when I totaled my car, I got some $200 driver responsibility fee from the state & when I didn't pay it w/in 30 days, my licence was suspended. He said most people are unaware of this & don't find out until they are in a situation just like I was in. He then said he was going to let me go, but I shouldn't be driving until I pay the fine which will clear up the suspension.

And like a fool I persisted. "But my licence has been suspended... can't you arrest me for driving?" Why? why can't I keep my mouth shut? I'll tell you why. I was shocked & honestly wanted to know what the rule was. "Yep," he said, "I could take you in. It's only a misdemeanor though, & it's Sunday morning so I'm not going to bother you w/ that. Just be careful."

I don't mean to look a gift-horse in the mouth, but why did he bother pulling me over for such a stupid thing if not to check my record in the hopes of finding something exactly like he found? What was he expecting? Warrants for my arrest as an axe murderer? As it turns out, I was able to keep that part of my life a secret. How he went from douchey stickler for the rules to letting me go after a nice public-service explanation of what I'd done wrong, I have no idea. Perhaps he didn't feel comfortable dragging a dude in a kilt to the hokey... for fear of the pokey. I'll tell you what... I was certainly fearing that.In other pig news, I tried a bite of Aiden's bacon a couple days ago . I hadn't had bacon since 1993, but w/ all the hub-bub about it lately, I figured I'd give it a go. It wasn't bad, but the way middle-class white people shit their pants for it is ridiculous. It's just meat, people. Relax! I've said it before & I'll say it again, "Bacon is to the bourgeoisie as cocaine is to the aristocracy & meth to the proletariat."