Of all the Douchebags on The Food Network...

Which of these is the douchebaggiest?
I've narrowed it down to 3. Emeril Lagasse doesn't count because he's no longer the face of the network. Instead, they've given us these asshats. Which 1 gets your vote? We can use this mini-election as a practice run for the build up to the big end of the year celebration here @ Visions of Ypsi. And while we're thinking about that, don't forget to start considering who you'll nominate for the 4th Annual Celebrity MILF of the Year Award. Now, w/o further ado, here are your 3 choices for the lead Douche on The Food Network:
Guy Fieri: Host of an otherwise pretty cool show, Diners, Drive-ins & Dives "Hey brah, who's up for some sick beer-pong?"

Mario Batali: Iron Chef & host of countless mediocre cooking shows including 1 called Mario Eats Italy... & by looking @ him, I wonder if maybe he actually did. Here's a picture of the man who, like George Lucas, wears a beard solely to let people know where his face ends & his neck begins "Bonus points if you can find my chin before I sweat all over you"

Bobby Flay: The Iron Chef whose frat-boy good looks only mask his frat-boy date-rapist personality. This dude creeps me out! Along w/ being an Iron Chef, he has also hosted an ass load of shows including Boy Meets Grill. "Hey baby, I've got a box of wine w/ your name on it in the back seat of my sweet ride!"

Pregame: The Horror

Claire Kahane, among others, has claimed that Kurtz's "The horror,the horror" should be seen as homonymic of "The whore,the whore." I don't want to dwell on that thought too much, but it's an interesting quote to use introducing this montage of Palin quotes. Of course, if Marlowe misunderstood Kurtz's dying words, my interpretation differs slightly from Kahane's who suggests Kurtz is blaming women for his fall & the fall of mankind in general. He's too complex for that. When Marlowe asks him if there is a message to deliver to his fiance, the possibility that Kurtz refers to her as a whore suggests, to me anyway, his acknowledgement that she is whoring out her religious beliefs as well as her naivety in an attempt to cover up the major problems of colonialism. If anything, he is the pimp to her whore, using the Occidental perceptions of the non-European world to accomplish his own goals.Regardless, I didn't mean to log in today to discuss "Heart of Darkness," you've all read it; the mini-analysis isn't necessary. I logged in to hype up tonight's debate. I was a bit underwhelmed by Friday's Obama v McCain, but tonight should be something special. On Friday, I felt like I so often felt while seeing Dead back in the day. I didn't want to look away because of the possibility that some sweet, sweet moment might be just around the corner. As w/ the live music, it wasn't often the case the other night. Tonight, though, as Biden & Palin enter the metaphorical octagon, we may be in for greatness. I mean, "Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy" greatness. Unfortunately, while the polls are suggesting a spike in Obama's popularity this week, we can't forget that Benson's remark to Quayle didn't help Dukakis win the election. It should be fun, but let's not count our bridges to nowhere before they're built. When she loses tonight, there will inevitably be some misplaced sympathy for her. when people feel she's "just like them, unable to withstand the assaults of a Washington insider," some will certainly want to support her more. These are the people we call the douchebags, & when this happens & McCain wins in 5 weeks, we will have to deal w/ a horror the likes of which Kurtz could never have imagined.

Wrap Up & Tape Up

The Big Ass Summer Party went well Saturday night. Live music under the stars by Jim, Warren & Gerry while we enjoyed a fire & the fancy party lights. Everyone seemed to have a good time (& I beat Jean @ horse shoes... always a good day when I beat Jean @ something). We even classed things up a bit w/ the inclusion of caviar & escargots. Although the snails were only enjoyed by myself & a few kids... most people were afraid to try them. I've been loving them since I 1st tried them in middle school though. What could be better than a small, tasteless ball of muscle drenched in butter & garlic. I know they aren't vegetarian, but they're not much different than bugs & I kill those all the time. I suppose it's time to remind y'all what Ben Franklin said when he briefly gave up vegetarianism, "So convenient a thing it is to be a reasonable creature, since it enables one to find or make a reason for everything one has a mind to do." The caviar was pretty nasty though. It tasted like how a bait shop smells. As far as the turn out went, it was no Burns' Night blow out, but a smaller crowd was nice (& calm for a change). Work people, soccer people, neighborhood people & old friends. Geo even skipped the Jazz fest. I was going to list the names of people who RSVPed that they were coming but didn't show up, but they know who they are & the shame they must feel is greater than any shame a mention here could ever cause.In other news, Jim informed me that he may miss a few games this fall because he hurt/possible broke a toe while falling off of his kid's scooter. I told him to man up & quit being a douchebag so Karma got me yesterday while I was playing soccer in the yard w/ Jean, Aiden & Dan. I stubbed my toes into the ground & may have broken my 2nd Metatarsal. I can bend it & it's not swollen, so I'm not sure what the situation is, but if I'm able to play on Saturday, I think it will require a bunch of tape, but then again, I still have to tape up my thumb so what's 1 more appendage?

Hey Underpants!...Douchebags & Players of the Days

I had a day off on Tuesday so we decided to do some sort of museum type thing. We went to the library & got 4 free passes to the Detroit Historical Museum & made the cruise down there expecting a great time. your Visions of Ypsi Douchebag of the Day wasn't fully aware of the situation & as he tried to park the car he was told, "I'm sorry, the museum isn't open to the public on Tuesdays." At least I didn't drive cross-country in a station wagon Griswold style. It would have been pretty sweet if I'd been wearing a dickie, but oddly, that day I wasn't. We then thought about the Charles H. Wright Museum of African American History which is across the street, but it would have been 25 bucks & the whole point was to avoid spending money (considering free tix to that are available @ the library too) so we came back to Ypsi & toured the Ypsilanti Historical Museum which is actually really cool. I would definitely recommend checking it out if you haven't already. In the basement they have the Ypsilanti Archives which include old documents about most of the older homes in town. We got the check out stuff about both our new place & the Sheridan house.

Since we've covered the douchebag issue, let's move on to the soccer issue. Yesterday, Germany took it to the Turks & a young defender really rose to the occasion getting a goal & an assist. Today, Spain showed Russia the same thing they showed them in the group stage... their unstoppable drive to score. Here, for the 1st time since the very 1st day, I give you two Players of the Day @ 1 time. We also get yet another chance to talk about the great young Arsenal central mid-fielder who is still not starting for Spain. However, when Villa got hurt a 1/2 hour in, this guy came on & ran the show (or so it seemed from the highlights as I was working during the game). Here are your Visions of Ypsi Players of the Semi-Finals (don't forget to watch Spain v Germany on Sunday afternoon): Philipp Lahm & for the 3rd time, Cesc Fàbregas. "They like me! They really like me!"
Who knew he also played hockey?