Last year I often posted soccer updates on Jason's message board, but Andre asked if I'd do some Premier League commentary here this season. If all goes well, I'll be updating everyone concerning 2 things: 1) soccer info 2) how far up my ass I've gotten my head. While posting this I'm at my usual neck-deep position. While I've gained fame as an international star, I've also become famous for sucking. For some inexplicable reason, I've garnered fans around the globe, but in all my years of playing, I've yet to really step up during a major competition. My many haters have been proven right over the years: I suck donkey balls. That said, here's the schedule for the matches this weekend, the opening weekend of the Premiership. Of course, you won't be seeing me in any of these games because each time I've tried to ply my skills in Europe, I've been sent home w/ my tail between my legs like a whiny little boy.
Saturday Arsenal v West Brom Bolton v Stoke city Everton v Blackburn Hull v Fulham Middlesbrough v Tottenham West Ham v Wigan Sunderland v Liverpool
Sunday Chelsea v Portsmouth Aston Villa v Manchester City Manchester United v Newcastle PS I suck