Sunday, August 17, 2008

The Great Haircut Conspiracy

We've been watching this show Long Way Down lately. In it, Ewan McGregor & Charley Boreman ride motorcycles from John O'Groats, Scotland to Cape Town, South Africa. It's the sequel to 2004's Long Way 'Round, in which they road from London through Europe, Asia, & N. America to New York. They're cool shows & I definitely recommend them, but I didn't log in simply to tell you about some TV show. No, there is more than that afoot today.

While watching it the other night, Stephanie suggested I get my hair cut like Obi Wan. I said sure. Here is where the truth & the myth get a bit blurred. I ended up @ Eleven West, a salon on Michigan Ave yesterday w/ some fucked up hair & a fucked story. The last time I was there, I had a woman cut my hair who kept snorting in my ear the whole time. I attributed it to her rather exceptional girth, but she cosmotologized me again, this time w/o the snorting so now I think maybe she just had a nasty cold. Anyway, she wondered how my hair got in the way it was in.

Here's the conversation as best as I can remember it & as chock full of lies as I could make it... she bought it all:
Me: "So I had a bit of a hair mishap."
Her: "Yeah, what happened?"
Me: "Well I sort of lost a bet. I was @ the pool yesterday & 1 thing lead to another & now I look like this so I need you to fix it."
Her: "What kind of bet?"
Me: "Who could stay underwater longer. We both had long ponytails & got talking about how we were thinking of cutting them, so we made this bet & then he cut my hair in the parking lot."
Her: "So who is the guy who won the bet? Just some friend of yours?"
Me: "No. I'd never met him before."
Her: "You let some stranger cut your hair?"
Me: "Sure... why not?"
Her: "Wow... really? How long did you stay under?"
Me: "2 & a half minutes; he came up just 4 seconds after me. It took us a little while to really get it right. We had to start over a few times to ensure we had gone under @ the same exact time."
Her: 2 & a half minutes? WOW!!! I'd explode if I tried to stay under that long. [@ this point I resisted all the temptations to make a breath control/cunnilingus joke] Did people think you were drowning?"
Me: "No. My family was right there... My wife [@ this point, I chose not to go into the whole history of our relationship story, but in hindsight, maybe it would have been a good subtopic] kept saying that I was a douchebag for going in on such a bet, but she was the judge. The life guards were just shaking their heads."
Her: "How many kids do you have?"
Me: "2... umm, err... 3."
Her: "You're not sure?"
Me: "Well, 1 is only a few weeks old & 2 has been the answer to that question for so long that I said it unconsciously. This is the 1st time I've been asked that since he was born."
Later she stabbed my ear & I bled pretty badly so she ended up comping me the haircut. I said, "The dude @ the pool never cut me!" Pretty sweet! The reality of the cut was just that, after Arsenal beat WBA 1-0 w/a sweet sweet goal from new signing Samir Nasri on his debut, Stephanie tried to do it but after about 20 minutes, she set down the scissors & said I was going to have to go get it fixed somewhere. Of course, it ended up too short, but it was free & I got a great story out of it.


Stephanie said...

I'm glad you used that pic, what a great smile!
And for the record, I've never cut a man's hair before, I've done my own and Solstice's, so I had NO idea what I was doing. I could have shaved it, but trying to cut a style... nope...
It looks great though, so all is well.

Daye said...

it does look great but you are so cavalier with your hair--far braver than me.