Saturday, April 26, 2008
Indoor Soccer Wrap-Up
My last indoor game was last night & we yet again got our asses handed to us on a silver platter (unlike my kids' game today where holding down the score was next to impossible... they won 8 or 9-2... I'm sure Solstice will blog about it today). I got there @9:40 thinking it started @ 10:00, but low & behold, it started @ 10:30 so there was a lot of sitting around. As game time rolled around, we only had 5 people so a few douchebags from another team played w/ us. And when I say "played w/ us," I mean they played amongst themselves & refused to sub out so 1 guy on my team didn't play for the last 10 minutes of the 1st half. Then, a couple minutes before 1/2 time, the ref gives the other team a free kick after my dude took 5 seconds to restart. (The rule is actually 6 seconds... no big deal, but it gets better.) W/ about 30 seconds left, the other team gets a restart after the ball went out of bounds & rather than setting it next to the boards as per the rules (w/in 2 yards of the boards to be exact), they put it in the center of the field & scored. My goalie starts going nuts about both of these restarts & the ref blatently misquotes the rules before the 1/2 time buzzer went off.During the interval, I called the 3 dudes over & lost my shit @ them: "WE APPRECIATE YOUR HELP BUT IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO PASS OR SUB OUT WE DON'T WANT YOU. YOU CAN GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE. JUST FUCK OFF. JAMES DIDN'T EVEN PLAY FOR THE LAST 10 MINUTES AND YOU 3 ARE FUCKING AROUND W/ YOUR HEADS IN YOUR FUCKING ASSES. IT'S NICE HAVING SUBS, BUT IF YOU DON'T SUB OUT, IT DOESN'T REALLY HELP. EITHER STOP BEING ASSHOLES OR PISS OFF!" This expletive laden rant went on for a good 3 minutes while the ref used the restroom. When he came back, I apologized for my goalie's anger over the calls but then asked for some clarification on the rules. He restated his incorrect understanding so my goalie showed him the High Velocity Rules Sheet @ which point he freaked the fuck out, yelling, "You want me to call things by the book? This game is over; you forfeit; you have unregistered players on the field!" He then stormed off & literally went home. (It reminded me of when Ms. Kitzman, my 11th grade Chemistry teacher left the classroom in tears & quit her job after Al DiPrima's innocuous question about bonus points.) I told him I had actually told them to leave, they were playing because we were a house-team just trying to keep the league going, & the other team was OK w/ it. He was having none of it though... he left.As it turns out, the 2nd half was actually kind of nice. W/o a ref, everyone played more calmly (a rather Marxian view of anarchy) & we added a few more minutes to the clock so as to play longer. Although I hit the post &/or bar about 10 times, I never found the back of the net & even w/o the ref or the assholes we got our asses handed to us yet again. Afterwards, I picked up a new summer job though. I talked to the guy who runs the place & think I'm going to be able to make some scratch reffing a few nights a week. The 3 douchebags were then playing in another game (& obviously not subbing out there either) so I watched for a bit & gave them shit. #12, a short prima donna who fancied himself the next Cuauhtémoc Blanco or Rafael Márquez (or Diego Maradona) was wandering around the field so I started yelling @ him to sub out or pass the ball. The his team gave up 2 quick goals so I was able to yell, "That was your fault #12. You should have had that. He was your guy! You suck! [etc, etc, etc]" Good times were had, & I've been asked to play for some other team in for the next session... I'm sure that will lead to many more bloggable situations.