Sunday, April 20, 2008

Animated Hotties

My game Friday night didn't get over until 12:15 so by the time I was showered & ready for bed it was 1:00, but I can never get to sleep right away after a game so I ended up channel surfing & came upon Thundarr the Barbarian on Boomerang. It's a junk show from my childhood, but seeing as I couldn't sleep & seeing as I got caught up in the nostalgia of it, I watched it & realized Aiden & Solstice might dig it (Aiden does... Solstice doesn't) so I set the ol' DVR & I just finished watching 1 w/ my kids. For those of you who don't recall the show from the early '80s, it was a total Star Wars rip-off complete w/ a laser sword & Oocla the Mok... a low-rent Chewbacca the Wookiee. Along w/ Thundarr & Oocla (so named because the creators of the show were driving by the U.C.L.A film school while developing the show; they changed the 'U' to a double 'O' & his name was born), there is Princess Ariel the Sorceress. Watching it this morning, I realized that she is kind of hot which then got me wondering about "hot" animated characters & the social misfits who love them. W/ that in mind, I give you the hotties of early '80s Saturday morning cartoons (and feel free to discuss your favs in the comments section... since I didn't get any comments about the travelogs, I'm whorin' myself out here):
10) I'd wear a neckerchief for her
Some kids claimed Velma was the more desirable Scooby-girl... those people were nuts.9) A Smurf-On for Smurfette
I suppose it was her evil beginnings mixed w/ the whole exoticization of the other and her hyper-sexualized character that made boys want to Smurf her. (Although this has little to do w/ the sexiness of Smurfette, I promise an entire Smurf post will be coming soon.)8) Is that an invisible jet in your pants?
Her magic lasso had the ability to make people tell the truth, which means that she must have heard the phrase "you give me pre-pubescent wood" on a regular basis from all of her little fans back in 1981. Every single 1 of us felt the same way as Gaucho:7) A hot little Tarzan number
Rima the Jungle Girl (I refuse to make jokes about the connection between her name and anal sex. I won't do it) was part of some sort of lost tribe of white people in the Amazon Jungle. Boys around the country were rubbing off to this old Victorian dream of racial superiority.6) Just like Ginger & Mary Ann
There was an on-going argument between kids on the playground about which G.I Joe character was the hottest... Lady Jane or Scarlett. Although the leadership powers of LJ were unstoppable, Scarlett always won out simply because she seemed the trampier of the 2.5) Much hotter than Pinky, the Ghost Monster
Even the arcade game design depicted Ms Pac Man as some sort of sex kitten... I never understood why, but that curvy chick has it going on. Be sure to check out the 1st Church of Pac Man!4) That cat has a great ass!
Pumyra seemed the stronger Thundercat chick, but she was never going to out-sex Cheetara3) Sex in the 4th Millennium
Princess Ariel represented something, but I'm not sure what. Her powers were useless if her hands were bound so I imagine there is something to be said about female power, castration complex, or Doms and Subs, but I don't know what. I do know that the animators never drew the camel-toe her little outfit would necessitate.2) Hot!
Spiderman used webs & Iceman used some sort of freezing device, but their amazing friend Firestar (not to be confused w/ the DC character Starfire who looks exactly the same) just used her amazing hotness to move through the air.
1) Wonder Twin Powers Activate: Form of a Hard-on
While Wonder Woman was the work-horse of female super-heros, Jayna was the break-out masturbatory fantasy from the Super Friends... even more than Mr. Myxlplik.


stephanie said...

Is this list in order? I'd have to question your #1 choice if so.

This also reminds me of what I said to Aiden when we took him to Vault of Midnight on friday, and I mean this with the same love as I said it to him, "Honey, this is where nerds go..."
heehee :)

greg said...

i was hot for daphne well into my teen years... she can ride my mystery machine anytime...

s. said...

eww... see, she's a teenager!!
"about the teen 'toon titans from the planet Exxor"

Daye said...

low rent wookie??? BWAHA HA HA

--"form of a hard-on??" oh dear lord..tears man you have made me laugh so hard I am crying here!!

and as far as animated babes go NOBODY is hotter that Lara Croft--'cept she isn't a cartoon persay...bummer

Andre said...

1st of all, Jayna might be a teen, but I was in elementary school so really, she was an older womam.

Laura Croft is certainly hot (remember, Jolie is MILF of the year), but I wanyted to stick w/ the 80s cartoon characters.

jason said...

Those aren' even all '80s characters, so what about Bet Rubble and wasn't there a pretty hot chick on Speed Racer? And there's Jessica Rabbit if you count movies.

Andre said...

I'm only talking Sat. morning cartoons and even though a few were earlier, they were still being re-run in the 80s.

I can't think of Speed's ladyfriend, but she wasn't that hot either way. Trixie? Maybe her name is Trixie.

stephanie said...

First of all, you need a second of all to have a first of all.
:) I'm totally just kidding...

Anyway, I didn't get that this was the list from the 80's Andre's point of view. Gotcha...