Tuesday, February 26, 2008

That's it, I'm Moving to Canada! or How White am I?

Before I get into the scoring, I need to point you all in the direction of this blog. One of the writers was on Talk of the Nation this afternoon while I was taking the kids to the library after school. Even Aiden loved it. They talked about white guys wearing shorts in the winter & then he saw a white guy wearing shorts in the library parking lot and cracked up. You can hear the entire story here. These folks chronicle the wacky shit white-folks do and they nail it. From fancy foreign cars to fancy coffee and from ridiculous vacation choices to ridiculous music choices, these people know what's up. It gets a bit old after a while, but I highly doubt any of you will actually read all 75 posts, so just enjoy it. I didn't even read them all... I started skimming after about 50 or so. Also, before I get to the scoring, I need to talk about Bruce Springsteen for a moment. Just bear with me as I get tangential on your asses here. Back in 1992, my cousin bought Born to Run and I made fun of him for days. Things like, "You're such a white dude...Springsteen sucks!" Last year, my brother bought the same cd & I felt compelled to say the same things all over again to the next generation of people who had been duped by "The Boss." Anyway, w/o further ado, here is my white person (by "white person," they seem to mean "pseudo-intellectual, middle-class, liberal") scoring for today (positive numbers suggest high levels of the boring white-dude syndrome):
I picked my kids up from a public school rather than just giving lip-service to diversity & then sending them to a private school: -15
I picked them up rather than having them ride the bus: +5
We went to the library after school: +5
I was listening to NPR on the way there: +10
I checked out a Frank Zappa compilation that features "Bobby Brown Goes Down": +20
Only a white guy would listen to Zappa, & only a boring white guy would get a compilation, but @ least I didn't just steal it off the Internet: -10
I grabbed Born to Run too... it's like baseball; sooner or later I was bound to pay attention: +10
& Darkness on the Edge of Town: +5
I suggested my daughter get a 2nd Hannah Montana book: +10
At least we didn't just order it from Amazon: -20
I spent a half hour explaining to my son how cool Indiana Jones is: +10
I spent 2 hours watching Indiana Jones after which my son agreed: +5
I ate tofu while watching Indiana Jones: +10
I'm writing about all of this on my blog: +20
I appropriated the scoring for this from a Lost fan site: +10
I made it all the way through this list w/o referencing that Weird Al song, "White and Nerdy": -5
Aw shit: +5
Total: +75... I don't know what that means though

6 comments:

jason said...

The white guy wearing shorts in the winter thing has always bothered me, and now it's spead to kids. Every other kid around here is wearing shorts and it's 30 degrees out. It's ridamdiculous! How is it cool to be freezing your ass off? Don't ever let your kids do that and make sure they aren't stashing a pair of shorts in their book bag to change into later. I don't know if this shit has spread to MI yet, but be on the lookout.

peltierinator said...

When I worked at Paesanos in Ann Arbor one of the cooks wore shorts everyday regardless of the weather. He was very proud of the fact that he never wore pants.
I pass three buss stops on the way out of my neighborhood everyday. January didn't bring much cold weather or snow to Owensboro, but February has (roughly 3" for the month by my estimate) and another half inch last night. Anyway kids are wearing t-shirts in 25 degree weather.I don't get it.
I didn't buy the cd, it was free and it was a compilation not born to run.

Ypsipearl said...

Well, I can't believe that a deadhead is calling someone else a white dude for liking Bruce Springsteen! I like Springsteen, particularly Nebraska, which I would italicize here if I knew how.

Andre said...

To italicize, you use the little html tags shown below.

I know you are loving Nebraska, in fact, I was thinking maybe you could make me a copy because my love affair w/ the Boss seems to be starting.

Daye said...

BAAAYYBEEEE SNaaaaaYKES!

Andre said...

You never cease to confound me.