Monday, March 8, 2010

Cops & Pork

I was heading to Nicola's yesterday morning, knowing full-well that the guy w/ whom I'm supposed to open was going to be late so my mood was rocking from the start. As I was heading West on I-94, just before I got to Briarwood, a State Cop had someone stopped on the shoulder. I slowed down, gave my basic "I'm sorry for ya brother, but it's better you than me" look @ the guy, & kept on cruising @ posted speeds. The cop then pulled back onto the road & sped up right behind me. I thought, "Fuck! this dude is going to pull me over... What the hell???" No sooner do I think this than his light goes, & I have to stop. Of course, he comes up to the passenger side window which doesn't go down properly so I roll down the rear window which makes him have to stand towards the back of the car & talk to me over the seats which was actually kind of funny. I ask what's up & he says, "Let me see you identification & once I know who you are I'll tell you." (I know... you're dieing for an Obi-wan quote here, but I balked.) After he read it, he asked me if I knew the law in Michigan that concerns the act of passing a police officer who has someone pulled over. I doubt that's how he phrased it... but you get the point.

At this point I was shocked. Who knew there was a law about that? I said, "I suppose one should slow down & be careful, but I don't know that we need a law that confirms that. You were on the other side of the car like you are now, so there was clearly no danger." This is basically the same logic Maverick used for going below the "Hard-Deck" to get Jester. He proceeded to inform me that 8 years ago a law was passed obliging drivers to move to the other lane so long as the other lane is available. Hmmm... he pulled me over for that shit? Wow!

After asking me about my driving record & hearing about the old yellow Escape, he goes back to his car & runs my info on his little handy-dandy cop-puter. when he returned, he came back to the driver's side... I don't know why... & asked if I was aware I was driving w/ a suspended licence. Neither knowing what the fuck he was talking about, nor thinking too clearly, I asked, " My licence plates are suspended? How is that possible? Is that a thing that happens?" He obviously says, "No, your driver's licence." Apparently, when I totaled my car, I got some $200 driver responsibility fee from the state & when I didn't pay it w/in 30 days, my licence was suspended. He said most people are unaware of this & don't find out until they are in a situation just like I was in. He then said he was going to let me go, but I shouldn't be driving until I pay the fine which will clear up the suspension.

And like a fool I persisted. "But my licence has been suspended... can't you arrest me for driving?" Why? why can't I keep my mouth shut? I'll tell you why. I was shocked & honestly wanted to know what the rule was. "Yep," he said, "I could take you in. It's only a misdemeanor though, & it's Sunday morning so I'm not going to bother you w/ that. Just be careful."

I don't mean to look a gift-horse in the mouth, but why did he bother pulling me over for such a stupid thing if not to check my record in the hopes of finding something exactly like he found? What was he expecting? Warrants for my arrest as an axe murderer? As it turns out, I was able to keep that part of my life a secret. How he went from douchey stickler for the rules to letting me go after a nice public-service explanation of what I'd done wrong, I have no idea. Perhaps he didn't feel comfortable dragging a dude in a kilt to the hokey... for fear of the pokey. I'll tell you what... I was certainly fearing that.In other pig news, I tried a bite of Aiden's bacon a couple days ago . I hadn't had bacon since 1993, but w/ all the hub-bub about it lately, I figured I'd give it a go. It wasn't bad, but the way middle-class white people shit their pants for it is ridiculous. It's just meat, people. Relax! I've said it before & I'll say it again, "Bacon is to the bourgeoisie as cocaine is to the aristocracy & meth to the proletariat."

10 comments:

Kristin said...

Hmm... I thought everyone knew about that law. They publicized it pretty well when it was passed. *Maybe* I'll think nicer thoughts when I see folks not getting over for emergency vehicles on the expressway.

But hey -- you gave a kilt warning and only mentioned your kilt once, w/o mentioning why the heck you were wearing it in the first place. I feel cheated. ;)

Oh, and you're dead wrong about the bacon. It's unlike any other meat on the planet. Last night I watched Iron Chef Michael Symon wrap a lobster tail in the stuff (okay, it was prosciutto) and got damn near misty. :)

Andre said...

He was stopped and off to the side. It's not like he was chasing someone and three was clearly no danger. He was on the other side of the car.

I was just wearing it to wear it. I wear it all the time.

Andre said...

And look at those piges... they're so cute. How can you enjoy bacon after looking at those pigs?

Kelly said...

Yeah, that's a semi common law now a days...

but i got pulled over w/athan on 94 for going 73 mph....... 73!! The cop asks for my license, and unknowingly, I didn't have on me! He asks for my name & DOB, goes back for the computer run and sees i have no record, comes back & says "okay, i'll let you go on a warning blahhblah" and i say "okay, i'll let him (nathan) drive the rest of the way home" he says "no, thats okay, just drive careful."


wth? o.0

peltierinator said...

Bacon is natures candy. The pigs are cute, very smart to. However, they taste much better.

Dawn said...

I'm not into that picture you chose for celebrity MILF of the year. I know I'm late in issuing my complaint, but still, I thought you should know.

Happy Housewife said...

I asked Conor, "if you see a cop with someone on the side of the road, what do you have to do?"

He says, "Pull as far over in the other lane as you safely can"

So the average 13 year old knows this. ;-)
The piggies are cute, you should get Steph one.

Andre said...

Again... I'm not saying I didn't know one should do this, I just didn't know it was a law. Tere was no danger... that's the thing. Besides... when it comes to cop stuff, I wouldn't say he's average.

Joe said...

In Indiana 3 or 4 state troopers were struck and killed by passing motorists while conducting traffic stops. We have the law now too. People see the lights and their hands follow their eyes. Next thing you know they're wrecking into your police car on the side of the road. I'm suprised he didn't write you a ticket and/or give you a summons for the DWS. Wors case scenario he writes you a ticket, outright arrests you and tows your ride. You got the best case scenario. You should be thankful. There are plenty of cops who would've stuck it to you.

Andre said...

I know. I got super lucky.