
Friday, March 30, 2007
Which Friend are You?
Last night, I did something I haven't done in ages... I sat in front of the TV and watched sit-coms all evening. After 2 episodes of Seinfeld, I proceeded to watch 4 episodes of Friends... that's right, 2 full hours of that show, and it cracked my shit up. I then watched 2 episodes of MASH before the 11:00 Seinfeld. All of those Friends episodes got me wondering which character I was most like. Had the show been newer, or had blogging and myspace been popular in the mid-90s, I'm certain I could've taken some on-line quiz to determine which one I am, but as it stands, I'll just have to bracket them out in my head to figure it out. That said, there may very well be some sort of on-line quiz about Friends, but i don't feel like searching for it. I know I'm not a controlling bitch like Monica or a flaky hippie like Phoebe. I'm not as shallow as Rachel, or ass stupid as Joey. This leaves Ross and Chandler. Ross, while annoying, is a geeky professor, and Chandler is a smart-ass. I think I've got a bit of both Ross and Chandler. I imagine Jason would prefer to have a little Joey in him... and I mean "in him."
There's a woman I know, I've never used her name here before, but I did talk about her last summer after her self-righteous ass said some rather racist stuff at The Corner Brewery about Latinos. She is definitely a Monica. In fact, she went so far as to tell a friend of mine that I'm an alcoholic ne're-do-well. I'd like to take a moment her to assure her that while I do drink once in a while, I'm not a drunk. I just hang out w/ a lot of drunks. Furthermore, tomorrow I'll be sober w/ prospects, and she'll still be an old, self-righteous racist. I highly doubt she reads this, but even if she does, I can't imagine she'll ever mention this. I've never used this medium to call people out like this before, but it feels good, and I'm sure if you keep checking back, you'll get plenty more of this sort of thing. So anyway, which Friends character are you?

Sunday, March 25, 2007
We are Quite the Jocks: Sports Update
Bowling
We went bowling on Friday night for Brook's b-day. It was a great neighborhood outing and the kids loved it. I hadn't been bowling since 1995 when a Dead show at Deer Creek was canceled due to the riot the night before. Had it not been for the riot, it would have been Jason's first Dead show, but, alas, he never got to see them. Had it not been for the counterfeit ticket, the night before would have been my friend's little brother's first show, but, alas, I don't think he ever got to see them either. Anyway, the kids loved bowling so much that we went again on Saturday, since it's so cheap. We had a great time and I beat Jean... although he'll tell you he won since he won the last game. I had the higher combined total though.
Roller Derby
Last night, after the bowling, my ex took the kids swimming. I think it was some sort of religious outing. I hadn't thought of this until just now, but I image she'll want to Baptize them at some point. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Anyway, while they were swimming, I went to roller derby w/ Stacey and Gerry. The derby was a lot like last time... cute punk women kicking each-other's asses and falling down to give us all nice up-skirts. The really interesting thing, however, was the park across from the Masonic Temple (an absolutely beautiful building, by the way). In the park, Cass Park, there is a weird statue of Robert Burns. Not weird looking, but weirdly placed. It didn't seem to make a whole lot of sense, but it was cool none-the-less.
And of course
After bowling yesterday, we made it back in time to watch the last 10 minutes of the France v Lithuania Euro 2008 qualifier. France won 1-0 due to a sweet goal from Anelka. In other soccer news, got the kids on a waiting list for the local youth league. They are so fucking excited, and I volunteered to coach, so I'll be able to whip those little kids into shape and kick all the other little kids' asses.That'll be pretty cool. Because of their excitement, we went to the park to kick a ball around for a while on Friday before the bowling. Which brings us up to today's festivities... I watched the Brazil v Chile game and then the kids saw that bowling was on and we had to watch it for about an hour while we played Uno. They're in bed now and I'm watching Rick Steves and surfing on the newly fixed lap-top.
We went bowling on Friday night for Brook's b-day. It was a great neighborhood outing and the kids loved it. I hadn't been bowling since 1995 when a Dead show at Deer Creek was canceled due to the riot the night before. Had it not been for the riot, it would have been Jason's first Dead show, but, alas, he never got to see them. Had it not been for the counterfeit ticket, the night before would have been my friend's little brother's first show, but, alas, I don't think he ever got to see them either. Anyway, the kids loved bowling so much that we went again on Saturday, since it's so cheap. We had a great time and I beat Jean... although he'll tell you he won since he won the last game. I had the higher combined total though.
Roller Derby
Last night, after the bowling, my ex took the kids swimming. I think it was some sort of religious outing. I hadn't thought of this until just now, but I image she'll want to Baptize them at some point. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Anyway, while they were swimming, I went to roller derby w/ Stacey and Gerry. The derby was a lot like last time... cute punk women kicking each-other's asses and falling down to give us all nice up-skirts. The really interesting thing, however, was the park across from the Masonic Temple (an absolutely beautiful building, by the way). In the park, Cass Park, there is a weird statue of Robert Burns. Not weird looking, but weirdly placed. It didn't seem to make a whole lot of sense, but it was cool none-the-less.
And of course
After bowling yesterday, we made it back in time to watch the last 10 minutes of the France v Lithuania Euro 2008 qualifier. France won 1-0 due to a sweet goal from Anelka. In other soccer news, got the kids on a waiting list for the local youth league. They are so fucking excited, and I volunteered to coach, so I'll be able to whip those little kids into shape and kick all the other little kids' asses.That'll be pretty cool. Because of their excitement, we went to the park to kick a ball around for a while on Friday before the bowling. Which brings us up to today's festivities... I watched the Brazil v Chile game and then the kids saw that bowling was on and we had to watch it for about an hour while we played Uno. They're in bed now and I'm watching Rick Steves and surfing on the newly fixed lap-top.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Tucker Max and Roller Derby
As readers of Visions, you must know you are constantly in danger of getting spammed by whatever whim I happen to be experiencing on any given day. Well, I know I talked about this last summer, but for you new readers, here is a little more Tucker Max info. I started re-reading I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell the other day, and it cracked my shit up as much tehe second time as the first time. My brother gave it to me for my b-day while we were at Conor O'Neill's in June watching the Argentina v Mexico game, but I was a bit sceptical at first. It's well worth the read though. You can read a lot of his stories at his web-site, but here's a little taste of the "The Famous 'Sushi Pants' Story," the story I was reading when I finally got up the nerve to ask out the super-cute waitress. The premise of the story is that he has a portable breathalyzer and wants to see how high he can register.
10:06: The people at my table begin talking about energy healing. Everyone is mesmerized by a girl who took a class in it. I tell them that energy healing is a worthless and solipsistic pseudo-science. They think energy healing is a real science because the instructor of the girl's class went to Harvard. One guy calls it a "legitimate, certifiable science," while making air quotes with his fingers. I tell them that they are all (while imitating his air quotes) "legitimate, certifiable idiots" because they believe in horse-shit like energy healing. Two girls call me close-minded. I tell them that they are so open-minded that their brains leaked out. They all glare at me with disapproval. I hate everyone at my table.
10:08: I have completely tuned out their inane conversation. I am slamming down straight vodka as fast as the low-rent wanna-be Ethan Hawke waiter can bring it. I blow every three minutes, watching my BAC slowly creep up.
10:10: .07
10:17: .08. I am no longer legally eligible to drive in the state of Florida. I announce this fact to no one in particular.
10:26: .09
10:27: I decide that I am going to see how drunk I can get and still be functional. I know that .35 BAC kills most people. I think that .20 is a good goal.
The fact that I was reading this is rather ironic, but the full extent of the irony can't really be explained at this time. Stay tuned... maybe someday I'll be able to lay some of that old time truth on you.

In other spam news, I'm going to Roller Derby tomorrow night w/ Stacey and Gerry and the cute waitress. It should definitely be an interesting "double date." If y'all remember, we went a couple months ago and had a drunken good time. I've been refraining from the imbibing since last weekend's excessive craziness, but we'll see how tomorrow goes. It's such a great time... I recommend you all go tomorrow... and readers like Jason in far off lands, you need to find a local Derby and check it out or you need to get your ass to Michigan so you can go here.
Oh, and speaking of Spam... this seems appropriate:
10:06: The people at my table begin talking about energy healing. Everyone is mesmerized by a girl who took a class in it. I tell them that energy healing is a worthless and solipsistic pseudo-science. They think energy healing is a real science because the instructor of the girl's class went to Harvard. One guy calls it a "legitimate, certifiable science," while making air quotes with his fingers. I tell them that they are all (while imitating his air quotes) "legitimate, certifiable idiots" because they believe in horse-shit like energy healing. Two girls call me close-minded. I tell them that they are so open-minded that their brains leaked out. They all glare at me with disapproval. I hate everyone at my table.
10:08: I have completely tuned out their inane conversation. I am slamming down straight vodka as fast as the low-rent wanna-be Ethan Hawke waiter can bring it. I blow every three minutes, watching my BAC slowly creep up.
10:10: .07
10:17: .08. I am no longer legally eligible to drive in the state of Florida. I announce this fact to no one in particular.
10:26: .09
10:27: I decide that I am going to see how drunk I can get and still be functional. I know that .35 BAC kills most people. I think that .20 is a good goal.
The fact that I was reading this is rather ironic, but the full extent of the irony can't really be explained at this time. Stay tuned... maybe someday I'll be able to lay some of that old time truth on you.

In other spam news, I'm going to Roller Derby tomorrow night w/ Stacey and Gerry and the cute waitress. It should definitely be an interesting "double date." If y'all remember, we went a couple months ago and had a drunken good time. I've been refraining from the imbibing since last weekend's excessive craziness, but we'll see how tomorrow goes. It's such a great time... I recommend you all go tomorrow... and readers like Jason in far off lands, you need to find a local Derby and check it out or you need to get your ass to Michigan so you can go here.
Oh, and speaking of Spam... this seems appropriate:
Thursday, March 22, 2007
2 Films

The other movie I watched that night is Borat. It's funny as fuck, but rather than just listing the hilarious scenes, I have a few issues to discuss. I found it a bit problematic that he stayed in character when no one else was around. The reason the humor works is because he's fucking w/ people. It's the reactions that are so great. If no one is there to react, why pretend to be Borat. It's like they couldn't decide whether to make it a fictive narrative or a guy fucking w/ people and both just doesn't seem to work. It's like watching the Man Show Boy sitting by himself trying to figure out how he's going to make a profit by selling beer on a street corner.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Backstabbers and Other Assorted News (Seasonal Post #4)
Here's the St. Patrick's Day wrap-up:
My sister's husband says he hates St. Patrick's Day because it's amature night and all the bars are full of people who don't know how to hold their booze, but apparently, even the pros can slip-up once in a while. I slept-in and watched soccer until it was time to go to Outriggers to see Whitey Morgan. Stacey picked me up and then we picked up her friend Julie. Stacey decided not to drink because she was driving (a very responsible decision), but since I wasn't driving, no such thought ever crossed my mind. Over the hour and a half we were there, I had 2 whiskeys and a Pitcher of Sam Adams. "Sam Adams?" you ask... yes... Sam Adams. That says a lot about Outriggers. Feeling happy and having just seen some great country music, we went back to Stacey's for dinner. She made us all some good fake-turkey sandwiches and then Julie's husband picked us up and we went to TCs for an evening of debauched music. We met up w/ Laura and Dave, Laurie and Pete, Connie and Sean, Steve, Shannon, Nikki, Georgina, Andy and Matt. (For those of you keeping score, there will be a test at the end... for those of you who didn't want to be named here, well, that's too bad.) After a pitcher of Newcastle (things were looking up already, but oddly, even on that day of all days, they didn't have one stout on tap. I would have been happy w/ Beamish of Murphy's... I don't demand Guinness, but it was not to be) and a couple more whiskeys, the music got good and we were having a great time. I thought a couple of Shamrock Shake tasting shots was in order, so I did 4 of those, and demanded everyone else try them too. In hind-sight, that might not have been a good idea, but live and learn. We also tried some short of whiskey shot that seemed to be mixed w/ Hot Damn or something like that. It wasn't very good, but as I write this, I'm beginning to understand why I felt the way I did yesterday. At one point, Gerry showed up and Stacey went home in a sort of shift change, and it was nice to hang w/ him too. Later, a few of us got to make complete asses of ourselves on the dance-floor, and then as the person I was dancing w/ walked away (either for more drinks or to the restroom... I'm not sure, but I know I had another whiskey so maybe for drinks), so random woman moved in front of me and started rubbing her ass on me as we were dancing. She was totally grinding into me and trying to get me to rub her tits right there in front of the band. About a minute and a half later, she walked away... it was weird as hell. As the music ended and the bar was closing, we thought it'd be a good idea to venture back to my place and continue the fun. After a bottle of wine, people finally started going home around 4:00.
Now here is where the backstabbing comes in. I went to bed feeling great, but when I woke up around 11:30, things went a bit awry. I've been courting the hootch for many years now. I thought we were friends, but one night of excessive imbibing and the next thing you know there's a fucking insurgency in my stomach. Oddly, Andy Johnson's goal that beat Arsenal in the last minute of the game didn't make me throw-up, but then again, it's possible that everything that lead up to that moment made throwing up again an impossibility. To make a long story short, I think I'm going to have to take a little time off from that two-faced bottle for a while. And to think I've been so loyal.
In other news, I went to the diner this morning, solely to talk to the cute, tattooed/pierced waitress. The food was alright, but I actually got up the nerve to say something. This older guy was at the counter flirting w/ her and kind of annoying her the whole time I was eating, which helped me develop a pretty good line. I'm proud of this one, so get ready. I finally said, "So I know that guy at the counter has been flirting w/ you and I hate to be the 2nd douchebag at whom you need to roll your eyes this morning, but I was wondering if you might want to meet for a drink some time." Now here's the kicker, considering everything I wrote in the 1st 2 paragraphs. She says, "Well, I don't drink, but I'd love to get together for coffee or something; let me get you my number." What are the chances that the day I decide to stop drinking for a while, I meet a woman who doesn't drink? That's pretty fucking cool.
My sister's husband says he hates St. Patrick's Day because it's amature night and all the bars are full of people who don't know how to hold their booze, but apparently, even the pros can slip-up once in a while. I slept-in and watched soccer until it was time to go to Outriggers to see Whitey Morgan. Stacey picked me up and then we picked up her friend Julie. Stacey decided not to drink because she was driving (a very responsible decision), but since I wasn't driving, no such thought ever crossed my mind. Over the hour and a half we were there, I had 2 whiskeys and a Pitcher of Sam Adams. "Sam Adams?" you ask... yes... Sam Adams. That says a lot about Outriggers. Feeling happy and having just seen some great country music, we went back to Stacey's for dinner. She made us all some good fake-turkey sandwiches and then Julie's husband picked us up and we went to TCs for an evening of debauched music. We met up w/ Laura and Dave, Laurie and Pete, Connie and Sean, Steve, Shannon, Nikki, Georgina, Andy and Matt. (For those of you keeping score, there will be a test at the end... for those of you who didn't want to be named here, well, that's too bad.) After a pitcher of Newcastle (things were looking up already, but oddly, even on that day of all days, they didn't have one stout on tap. I would have been happy w/ Beamish of Murphy's... I don't demand Guinness, but it was not to be) and a couple more whiskeys, the music got good and we were having a great time. I thought a couple of Shamrock Shake tasting shots was in order, so I did 4 of those, and demanded everyone else try them too. In hind-sight, that might not have been a good idea, but live and learn. We also tried some short of whiskey shot that seemed to be mixed w/ Hot Damn or something like that. It wasn't very good, but as I write this, I'm beginning to understand why I felt the way I did yesterday. At one point, Gerry showed up and Stacey went home in a sort of shift change, and it was nice to hang w/ him too. Later, a few of us got to make complete asses of ourselves on the dance-floor, and then as the person I was dancing w/ walked away (either for more drinks or to the restroom... I'm not sure, but I know I had another whiskey so maybe for drinks), so random woman moved in front of me and started rubbing her ass on me as we were dancing. She was totally grinding into me and trying to get me to rub her tits right there in front of the band. About a minute and a half later, she walked away... it was weird as hell. As the music ended and the bar was closing, we thought it'd be a good idea to venture back to my place and continue the fun. After a bottle of wine, people finally started going home around 4:00.
Now here is where the backstabbing comes in. I went to bed feeling great, but when I woke up around 11:30, things went a bit awry. I've been courting the hootch for many years now. I thought we were friends, but one night of excessive imbibing and the next thing you know there's a fucking insurgency in my stomach. Oddly, Andy Johnson's goal that beat Arsenal in the last minute of the game didn't make me throw-up, but then again, it's possible that everything that lead up to that moment made throwing up again an impossibility. To make a long story short, I think I'm going to have to take a little time off from that two-faced bottle for a while. And to think I've been so loyal.
In other news, I went to the diner this morning, solely to talk to the cute, tattooed/pierced waitress. The food was alright, but I actually got up the nerve to say something. This older guy was at the counter flirting w/ her and kind of annoying her the whole time I was eating, which helped me develop a pretty good line. I'm proud of this one, so get ready. I finally said, "So I know that guy at the counter has been flirting w/ you and I hate to be the 2nd douchebag at whom you need to roll your eyes this morning, but I was wondering if you might want to meet for a drink some time." Now here's the kicker, considering everything I wrote in the 1st 2 paragraphs. She says, "Well, I don't drink, but I'd love to get together for coffee or something; let me get you my number." What are the chances that the day I decide to stop drinking for a while, I meet a woman who doesn't drink? That's pretty fucking cool.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Happy St. Patrick's Day (Seasonal post #3)

Next up, we have a few music recommendations for your St. Patty's Day celebrations. Be sure to check these bands out... you won't be sorry:

Thursday, March 15, 2007
Reader Submissions
The first one has been posted on Tastes of Ypsi! A big thank you goes out to Andy for this one.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
St. Pat's Season Post #2


Speaking of stout, Gerry and I met an old college friend of mine, Greg, at Sidetracks last night, and I drank a bunch of stout. We had a great time talking until they finally ushered us out at about 2:20. I hadn't seen him since last fall so we had a lot of catching up to do. I told him all about my recent situations (both financial and marital) and we reminisced about our drunken grad school days. We used to have a class that ended at 6:15 and another that began at 7:00 so we'd run across the street to down a couple 36 oz beers and a couple shot and then stagger back to class a few minutes late. It's hard to believe I ever graduated at all.

Sunday, March 11, 2007
Food, Films and Frogger or "F" You
Food
I was watching Brenda's kids today and I realized two things. 1) My ex used to watch her daughter all the time and my daughter loved to help out. Today, however, she wanted absolutely nothing to do w/ this loud little kid. It's funny that a year ago she loved it and now she is much too cool to be dealing w/ a 2 year old. 2) My ex took most of our cookbooks so I've been improvising a lot lately. She was nice enough to call me and give me a recipe I've been craving for a while today though: Thai peanut and ginger sauce w/ udon noodles, tofu and green beans. It's not exactly like the picture, but I didn't think of taking a picture at the time so this is the best I can do. Why I decided to make it when there were not 2 but 4 kids here, I have no idea, but it ended up going over really well. Furthermore, this realization is two-fold in that I've also decided to start a second blog as a sort of on-line recipe sharing place. It's certainly self-serving in that I don't have many cookbooks anymore, but it could benefit everyone. I'll start today with the Thai Peanut Sauce recipe and then other people can submit recipes and I'll post them there. They don't have to be vegetarian, but since I'm doing it and I'm a vegetarian, It'd be cool if y'all could at least start w/ veggie recipes. Stacey, Wendy, Georgina, and Shannon: I'm definitely expecting submissions from you. Jason and Andy, I'd be damn shocked if you two sent one, but feel free none-the-less. Those of you who have never made yourselves known on here, now is the perfect opportunity. Keep the submisions coming. This could be kind of cool. Just e-mail them to me w/ something about recipes in the subject line and I'll post it.
Films
In keeping w/ the alliteration of this post and w/ our family tradition of family movie night, we watched Spy Kids last night. I've been putting it off for a while, but it's actually really good. The kids do a pretty good job and the premise is pretty funny: a children's' tv show host is using his show to take over the world. Apparently he's doing what Barney never quite accomplished. I suppose we'll watch the second one next week, but I've already heard from people that it isn't as good. We'll see.
Frogger
For the third and final aspect of the "F" post today, I thought I'd mention my new-found addiction: Frogger. It's on my personalized Google home page and I love it. I'm eating the hell out of those mother fucking flies. I need neither guns nor fancy graphics, just give me some old-school Atari games and I'm happy.

Films
In keeping w/ the alliteration of this post and w/ our family tradition of family movie night, we watched Spy Kids last night. I've been putting it off for a while, but it's actually really good. The kids do a pretty good job and the premise is pretty funny: a children's' tv show host is using his show to take over the world. Apparently he's doing what Barney never quite accomplished. I suppose we'll watch the second one next week, but I've already heard from people that it isn't as good. We'll see.

For the third and final aspect of the "F" post today, I thought I'd mention my new-found addiction: Frogger. It's on my personalized Google home page and I love it. I'm eating the hell out of those mother fucking flies. I need neither guns nor fancy graphics, just give me some old-school Atari games and I'm happy.

Friday, March 9, 2007
The St. Patrick's Day Season (post #1)


Uncle O'Grimacey is a character of the fictional McDonaldland, created for an advertising narrative of the McDonald's fast-food restaurant chain both in celebration of St. Patrick's Day and to mark the annual appearance of the Shamrock Shake. O'Grimacey is the Irish uncle of the character Grimace and is a variant of the Grimace-design in that he is green instead of purple, sports a frock coat covered with several four-leaf clovers, and carries a shillelagh. His design motif is not unlike that of a stereotypical depiction of the Irish folkloric Leprechaun, similar to the mascot of the football team for University of Notre Dame. O'Grimacey resides in his home country for eleven months of the year and visits his nephew Grimace in March, bringing with him his "incredibly delicious" shake. A popular character used annually by the restaurant in the 1980s, Uncle O'Grimacey is no longer used by the chain for its promotions of the shake. However, despite a long absence, McDonald's has brought its annual dessert back in some cities.

Thursday, March 8, 2007
A Quick Arsenal Post

Monday, March 5, 2007
Just the Good Ol' Boys



Saturday, March 3, 2007
Guess Who Didn't Go Skiing
First, I thought my shoulder injury would keep me off the slopes and in Ypsi this weekend. My shoulder is still pretty fucked up, but not enough to keep me from skiing. Then I thought I might not be able to go since my kids had stomach issues this week and I might catch them. That didn't happen so all was a go. Once my car broke down I thought I wouldn't be able to afford a trip, but it was really a X-mas present anyway so that wasn't going to stop me. However, with all of the problems we narrowly averted, we didn't foresee my brother's car breaking down when we got onto US 23. It was fine going down Washtenaw, but as we merged onto the expressway, it suddenly wouldn't accelerate past 30 mph... not that different than my car's problems. We had to turn around and go home. Considering what I went through to attempt this vacation, perhaps it just wasn't meant to be. We were going to go a few weeks ago, but I postponed it then in order to go to Steve and Annette's party. I suppose if we'd gone then, whichever car we took would have broken down in Petoskey which would have been worse. On the plus side, I'm not spending money I don't have, I get to rest my shoulder a bit more, and I get to go to the Shit Kickers' Ball tonight at the Blind Pig. (You should all come out to the Pig tonight and enjoy the music and Daisy Duke Contest.) I suppose I'll just end up watching the Arsenal game, reading, and grocery shopping this afternoon which isn't all bad. While you are busy doing whatever it is you're doing this afternoon, don't forget to comment on the post below. Although, upon further investigation, the waitress/server/insert current politically correct term here may actually be a bit young.

Friday, March 2, 2007
Breakfast and Skiing
I have a little road trip tradition. I enjoy going out to breakfast before I hit the road, and since we're going to Petoskey this afternoon, I figured pancakes and eggs from Tony's Restaurant and Grill would fit the bill. It used to be Johnny's Family Restaurant and before that it was the Country Squire, but the menu hasn't changed w/ the ownership. Apparently, they were looking into getting a liquor license at one point, but that fell. Anyway, they have this absolutely beautiful waitress/server/whatever the current politically correct term for that is and Stacey (w/ whom I've had breakfast there a couple times) claims she flirts w/ me. She has a lot of piercings (facial... I don't know about the rest) and tattoos and fantastic, um, personality. I'm such a douche bag though. Seeing as I haven't dated in ages, I have no idea what to say to her, so I thought we could use the "Show Us Your Tits" section for a little advice. When I get back from skiing, I'll then go get breakfast again and maybe use the advice you leave. I'll do my best to award the person who leave the advice that works.
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)