Weekend Update

This past weekend was pretty busy. On Friday I took the kids to their mom's house which took 3 hours because of all the construction. That sucked, but when I got home, after a nap, I went to TCs to see Deep Space. The new TCs sound guy needs to take a sound guy lesson or 2, but they played really well. By the 2nd set, once the sound issues were resolved, things were fantastic. "China">"Rider">"Playin' in the Band" was great. The "Playin'" jam was really weird and spacey. The first set was cool too w/ "Crippled Creek," "Blue Sky" & "Tons of Steel," plus a cool version of a song Connie wrote. I had to leave a little early though because I had to get up and drive back to get the kids in the morning before their games. My daughter's game was interesting in that they got their asses kicked and the other coach did nothing to try to hold down the score. It was obvious they were getting better by the end though & they seemed to have fun none-the-less. My son's game had an opposite score line. I did everything I could to try to stop them from running up the score, but they won 11 or 12-3. My son got a hat-trick (as did one 1 or 2 other kids). After taking them back to their mom's after the game, I took a nap and then went out to see Whitey Morgan in Whitmore Lake. I was low on funds this weekend, so I brought the old flask into the bar & kept refilling my cup all night. I was drinking some random scotch that was left at my house after the Burns' Night Party. Good stuff & it certainly did the trick. Their 3 sets were great & they were done by 1:00ish so we got home relatively early. There's nothing like good old outlaw country. Yesterday, I watched the Arsenal game (they won 3-1 and have now qualified for the Champions League next year!!!) & then went to look at some furniture that will replace the stuff my ex is taking. Afterwards, I met a friend from my team to watch a few games during our bye weekend. We sat on the sideline and drank beer while we heckled and scouted the other teams. That was a good time too. Overall, a hectic weekend, but it was fun w/ good music & good soccer. I know this is kind of rushed and lacks the detail you've all come to expect, but I'm about to go find Jack in the Pulpits to plant in my back yard so I'm kind of in a hurry.

Please Sir, can I have my ball back?

Jason claimed that there was nothing more to be said about this classic film, so w/ the gauntlet thrown, I thought I'd give it a shot. Before I get to that though, I give you this... a site where you can buy your very own Victory Jersey, just like Michael Caine wore. I'm not sure if people would actually order the Michael Caine shirt; I would think Pele & Stallone are more popular, but if I were ordering one (and I may just do this), I'd get the Capt. John Colby. He played for West Ham United, before the war ended (or hopefully just interupted) his career.

As we get to the actual film, I'm going to say that it's a very under-rated movie. Other than the fantastic score, it's certainly not Oscar caliber, but John Huston wasn't going for that w/ this one. Considering the fact that he made The Maltese Falcon, The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, Key Largo, The African Queen, The Asphalt Jungle, Moby Dick, & The Man Who Would be King, he certainly has the credentials to make one for the paycheck @ the end of his career, but that's not what he was doing. Critics have also suggested that Victory is the result of his age & inability to make a decent film as he was getting sick, but The Dead came out 6 years later & is fantastic. Obviously a talented directer, even through his final film, I want to suggest that Victory isn't just a stupid soccer film or a cheap rip-off of other war movies, but an homage to all the escape movies that came before it. The references to Stalag 17, The Great Escape & La Grande Illusion are obvious, but the other night, I even noticed a reference to The Sound of Music. Even Bill Conti's score references the music of older films. W/ all this in mind, check it out again & be sure to grab one of those sweet sweet jerseys while they last. I'm sure they'll go fast. I'll leave you w/ a rather positive review from The New York Times & the knowledge that while writing this I realized something else about the film, so I have @ least one more Victory post in me.

A Niggle and a Knock

My team had it's first game of the season yesterday &, like the bad-asses we are, we won 4-2. It was obvious that I hadn't played in quite a while though as my timing was a little off. I even let the ball run under my foot @ one point. More importantly, I missed 3 chances that should have been goals & had one called back for a hand ball that didn't happen. I wasn't pleased. In terms of my other opportunities, I rocketed a shot right at the goalie, I headed a sure goal over the crossbar, & I miskicked a ball that was set perfectly by our center midfielder. My brother got kicked in the nuts too, which nearly sparked a fight. All in all, it seems pretty clear that it will take me a couple weeks to get back into form.

I don't know if I'll be up to it by our next game though because I picked up a knock on my wrist that is hurting like hell & I've got a bit of a niggly groin. I had to look up the word "niggle" to ensure it wasn't related to the un-PC racial slur to which it seems phonically connected. It isn't. It's a term the British announcers use all the time, & I saw it in a magazine last summer describing the playing style of Claude Makelele. Originally, I thought it was a typo & that they meant to write "niggardly." But no, it's just those crazy Brits & their crazy bastardization of the American language.

Hey Folks, It's Earth Day

When I think Earth Day, I think George and Laura. In fact, at the official government Earth Day site, we learn about everything they have done to improve the condition or the environment. The site points out:

The Bush Administration is focused on achieving meaningful results – cleaner air and water, and healthier lands and wildlife habitats.
* The nation's air is much cleaner today than it was in 1970 and progress will continue.
* The trend of annual loss of wetlands has been reversed.
* Restoration and redevelopment of abandoned industrial sites is accelerating.
* President Bush is meeting his commitment to reduce the National Park Service maintenance backlog.

Now, I'm no geologist, I haven't had a biology course since high school, and while I really enjoyed my Earth Science class as an undergrad, those fields are really my brother's forte. However, even w/o that specific knowledge, I need to call this propaganda site into question. It's one thing to suggest that the environmentalists have made progress over the last 37 years, but to give to the credit to the Bushes is absurd. I know I'm preaching to the converted here, but those fucks are responsible for so fucking much of the mess we're in right now. The fucker didn't even acknowledge global warming until recently and even then he got the terminology changed to "Global Climate Change" so he wouldn't have to go back on his exact words: "Global Warming doesn't exist, but Global Climate Change does"... what a fucking douchebag! His re-election in 2006 didn't surprise me at all, nor does the fact that the Democrats are too chicken-shit to do anything about him, but what really baffles me, the thing at which I marvel every day, the most curious aspect of this chucklehead's political career is that no crazy straight-edge type has tried to assassinate him. Obviously, I'm neither calling for his death, nor suggesting that that is a good solution, but the fact that it hasn't happened is weird. You'd think some fucked up Ani DiFranco fan would think he could win her heart by putting a couple shots in his ass, Hinckley-style. There must be some woman out there who has watched Taxi Driver one too many times and assumes she could win George Clooney's hand by peeling some caps back into W's pasty white belly. I want to pause again to re-iterate the fact that I wouldn't endorse this type of activity. We at Visions of Ypsi are non-violent, peace loving ne'er-do-wells. We neither endorse, not promote violence, nor do we wish to be the target of some Homeland Security investigation. I would say, however, that it might be time for W to visit the Washington Hilton.

Sorry about that little assassination tangent. I now return you to our regularly scheduled Earth Day post. Here's a little bit of the Pixies for your ass:

Youth Soccer in Ypsi

I started coaching the kids' soccer teams this week. It was hilarious. They use a size 3 ball and their little shin-guards and shoes are so cute. They play 4v4 & don't have throw-ins, but rather kick-ins like indoor which seemed to oddly piss some of them off. Both of my kids have a couple friends & their respective teams and they've been excited all week. In fact A has been on me today to go back to the park & kick around a bit. The practice went from 6:00-7:00 & we worked primarily on the idea of passing the ball and trapping it. They did line drills for a little while which they found so confusing. In line drills, the concept is that there are two lines of people & the first person passes the ball to the other line and then runs to the end of that line. I thought it a rather simple concept, but the 5 year olds were a bit lost for a while. They eventually got it, just in time to stop & scrimmage. I divided them into two teams, 5v5, & they all just followed the ball. I think by the end though I got most of them to understand the benefits of spreading out. We'll practice again next week and then the first game is the following Saturday. I imagine that by the end of the season I'll have these kids kicking ass. I'll keep you all informed.

1 Restaurant & 2 Films

I had dinner w/ Dawn last night at Izakaya Sanpei, in Canton. She & I have been talking about going there for ages; it's the best Japanese place I've ever been to: the pricing is good, the food is fantastic & the staff is always super-friendly. I've been going there w/ my family for 10 years or so, but this was the first time I ever went w/ just one other person. Here's a little link for you: some family photos my brother apparently up-loaded a while back. You get to see my kids eating there last fall. Going there last night was a great choice. I highly recommend it. After dinner, she went to meet up w/ a friend & I went to Amy's (you know... the person I met at Oberon Day & whose bathroom I puked in a couple weeks ago) to watch a movie.

We watched Sarah Silverman: Jesus Is Magic, which is fucking hilarious. I'd heard mixed things about it, but I think the people who didn't like it just have a hard time w/ her delivery. If you've ever seen her, you'll know she doesn't set up jokes like most comedians; she's much drier & off-handed. That doesn't stop her from making comments that would normally be seen as racist though. However, there's something to her delivery that makes it all seem sarcastic or ironic. Kind of like Colbert's ability to deliver conservative jokes every night, while it's obvious he doesn't believe what he's saying. Now I'll give you a couple of the musical number from the movie, "I Love You More" & "The Porn Song." Be sure to check those out... if I didn't know you all better, I'd warn you that you'll be offended, but I doubt you will.

After Jesus is Magic, we watched Shortbus. Georgina talked about it when it was in theaters last fall, but I'd forgotten about it until yesterday. It's a fantastic postmodern look at sexuality, & it's made w/ all first-time actors. It's directed by John Cameron Mitchell who also made Hedwig and the Angry Inch, & apparently, all the sex scenes, & there are a lot of them, are real, including the guy cumming in his own mouth, which Amy said she thought was just an urban myth. To top it off, he didn't even break his neck like Randell's cousin in Clerks.

Chuckle heads and Titties

I have a rather annoying cough at the moment, but that didn't stop me from attempting to play soccer yesterday. It should have though because it kicked my ass. I was ready for a break almost immediately. When the break finally happened, my brother, his friend and I enjoyed a Negra Modelo at the park w/ a new friend of mine who happened to be walking by (technically she was running, but at a rather decelerated pace... just like me). Afterwards, I went to a house-warming party at Greg's and then off to Deep Space at the Magic Bag. They were opening for this group called Stash who seemed to Fancy themselves the next Sublime or 311. As if the world needs more of them. I would prefer a world that has less Sublime and 311. I picked up Stacey and we headed out to meet up w/ Warren and Laura and the rest of the Deep Space Ladies. I hadn't been there since I saw Arlo Guthrie there about 8 years ago, and I'd forgotten that the sound in there isn't that fantastic. Deep Space played well though, considdering they only had a 45 minute set and the management were being sticklers about the time. We missed the opening song, I can't remember what the next song was, but then they closed w/ an "Eyes" > "Dancin" > "Franklin's" that really smoked. Not only did they pull out the up-beat dancey tunes for the new venue, but Sean wore his hat too. He never wears it at local clubs where they play all the time, but whenever they play a new place, it's on his head. Art Fair, Arts Beats and Eats, etc. Uncommon venues = Sean's hat. It's sort of a Stevie Ray Vaughn meets Slash meets Doc Holiday thing. It needs to make an appearance at the TCs show next month.

After a short break, Stash came on. I had asked Dawn if she wanted to come but was warned that Stash wasn't worth the drive. Well, she was absolutely right. I'm going out on a limb here to say that even good reggae is repetitive and boring, but those fucking chuckle heads should have been opening for Deep Space or better yet, shouldn't be playing at all. "At the count of 3, everyone say 'FUCK THE POLICE'?" I mean, are they fucking kidding me? That was a revolutionary thing to say in 1989 when the people saying it were inner city LA African American youth, but when suburban frat boys say it in 2007, it means they don't want to get caught date-raping people after the gig. Then the guitarists would take their solos on top of their amps like fucking Eddie van Halen. Of course, "SHIT, GODDAMN, GET ON YOUR FEET AND JAM" almost worked for their audience who didn't realize it was lifted from George Clinton's act of 30 years ago. Covering songs is fine, but covering chants to simply get people up off their asses is ridiculous. By the time we finished our beers and were heading to the door, we realized that most everyone else we knew had already beat us to it. The sinus headache I got whilst playing soccer was only exacerbated by the shitty reggae of Stash. I'll probably be heading back there on May 31 for Gaelic Storm; I've always wanted to see them and it's only 18 bucks. And if you still doubt that Stash are a bunch of asshats, just read through their myspace page.

As we got onto I 696, I was already thinking of going to bed when Stacey asked if I wanted to get a PBR at Leggs. Headache aside, I couldn't pass that up, so we called my brother and told him to meet us there and pulled into the parking lot at about 12:45. Now, for those of you who don't know, Leggs is the bastard step-child of every "classy" strip-bar in the world. Pasties over their nipples, a 15 dollar service charge for the ATM and a history of "more than just dancing." Of course nearly-naked women was certainly a step up from Stash, but something else really stood out. The service was great and the dancers seemed honestly pleasant (though somewhat wasted). Their unenhanced bodies give a feeling of naturalness to the place, but I assume they are only unenhanced because they can't afford to enhance themselves. None-the-less, I'm always partial to a real woman rather than an anorexic, surgically altered automaton. Sure, their breasts weren't perfect and all but the one who looked like a cross between Lisa Hunter and Dr. Zaius had a little cellulite, but as I said, that's fine. 9 times out of 10, I'll take cellulite over Dr. Zaius. Stacey went so far as to call it the feminist strip club, which seemed pretty accurate when I tipped a dancer a couple bucks and then refused to grab her ass (even though it seemed par for the course) due to my obligatory knowledge of feminist theory. A little Irigaray, Cixous, Kristeva, Mulvey & Sedgwick and suddenly I can't even ass-grab? Fucking feminism! Instead, I had to wonder, just as Woolf asked what would have happened had Shakespeare had an equally talented sister, what would have happened had he been an equally talented woman? The answer is obviously "dancing at Leggs, but not getting ass-grabbed by me." I know the early reference to date-rape and then the overt feminist stuff at the end gives us the second theory-based post in a row; you'll have to forgive me, I've had a fever this week and it's gone to the brain I guess.

Sex Toys, Baudrillard, and Flash Gordon

A friend of mine (who wanted to remain nameless on here) was in the market for a vibrator. That alone isn't enough to warrant a post here, but once I saw the Pussyman's Luscious Lips... well, I guess I better back track a bit. She'd been looking on-line but having trouble w/ the credit card thing on the site from which she was ordering. I then suggested Lover's Lane or Deja Vu, and she asked if I'd ever been to one of those places and if I'd go w/ her. Being me, of course I'd been to both places on many occasions for many reasons so we had a little outing last night before we went to Georgina's to watch Flash Gordon. Deja Vu had better prices, but the quality of their merchandise left something to be desired so we headed to Lover's Lane which has a smaller toy section and higher prices, but much better quality. I had mentioned to my friend that I was going there and her friend wanted me to price "Pocket Pussies" for her brother in Iraq. Apparently his wife is too up-tight to purchase such a product so he asked his sister to send him one instead. He's going to be in Iraq for 12 months... does his wife really expect that he won't jack off the whole time? Relying on the sanctity of marriage and assuming he won't find other women while over there is (while a bit hopeful) understandable, but believing a guy will go 12 months w/o cumming is just pure gullibility. I looked at all of the "Pocket Pussies" at Deja Vu and Lover's Lane and discovered this one: Pussyman's Luscious Lips Masturbator. While I understand how the mechanism works, we were both a little baffled (as was the sales-person) about the tag-line on the top of the box: "Better Than a Real Pussy." It seems like quite a bold statement. I imagine it's something that Victor Frankenstein would be interested in... based on his attempts to create life w/o women... he could now have the full sexual experience w/o them too. I don't buy it though. "Better than pussy?" No way.

This "better than pussy" claim raises an interesting issue though. When the simulation becomes equal to or greater than the object being simulated, does the simulation become the thing to be copied? As reality and meaning have been replaced w/ symbols and signs in the post-modern world, as Baudrillard said, "The simulacrum is never that which conceals the truth--it is the truth which conceals that there is none. The simulacrum is true." The "Pocket Pussy" has become the "Pussy" itself, and the "pussy itself" no longer exists. Furthermore, the very possibility of "Pussyman's Luscious Lips Masturbator" suggests that the "pussy" has always-already never existed; the simulacrum has always been equal to the original and therefore there is no original... no pussy. This is convenient because as a single divorced man I can definitely relate to the problem of "no pussy;" I highly doubt I'll be purchasing "Pussyman's Lucious Lips Masturbator" though.

After our little journey to the sex toy shops, as I stated at the beginning, we made our way to Georgina's where we drank a few beers and watched Flash Gordon. I hadn't seen it since Thanksgiving, but Geo and Andy hadn't seen it since they were kids. Geo had the soundtrack though, so she was well aware of the best lines. For those of you who are unaware of this, the soundtrack was recorded by Queen, and I would have to say it's their best work. My friend (who still needs to remain nameless, I suppose) had never seen it and really didn't know what she was getting herself into. None of them seemed to view the film w/ the proper reverence though. It's dealing w/ such complex ideas while simultaneously spoofing the history of sci/fi and film in general. When Voltan asks, "Who wants to live forever?" he isn't just saying he's willing to die in battle, he's coming to terms w/ Zarkov's initial statement, a statement echoed later by Flash himself. When Zarkov is willing to lay down his life to save man-kind (not unlike Christ), he says it's a rational decision, "one life for billions." I had never noticed this recurring theme before, and I've loved this film since it was in theaters in 1980 (when Lord when, will they make that rumored 2-disc special edition?), but it's quite important. Furthermore, Max von Sydow really brings his "A Game" to this film. While everyone else is hamming it up and exaggerating their roles, he is on fire. And it turns out that yesterday was his birthday. While he has seen his 4 years of greatness flicker (from 1980-1984 he made Flash Gordon, Victory, Conan the Barbarian, Never Say Never Again, The Adventures of Bob and Doug McKenzie, Dune, and The Ice Pirates), his recent work has been great and I suppose he'll always be remembered for his good films too like The Seventh Seal, Wild Strawberries, The Greatest Story Ever Told, The Exorcist, Hannah and her Sisters and Pelle the Conqueror. What a career that mother fucker has had... and he's still churning them out. OK, sorry about that little von Sydow tangent; the other thing I noticed is that it's pretty bad-ass for Flash to wear a t-shirt that has his own name on it. I've always thought it would be cool to get a Flash shirt like his, but now I realize it'd be even better to get a shirt w/ my name on it written in the Flash Gordon font. I'm now a man on a mission. And if you've actually read this whole post, you must be on some sort of fucked up mission too.

Curling, Soccer, and my Fucking Car

On Easter Sunday, I was at my parents' house and we spent the day channel surfing and watching sports. It was nice (I suppose) that the Tigers were able to come from behind in the last inning, and it was interesting (I guess) to watch the golfers struggle w/ The Masters in Augusta, but what was great was watching the World Curling Final on CBC. I don't know if I've ever written about my love of curling, but it is something I've loved to watch since I was in high school. On that day, Glenn Howard, the manager of the Beer Store in Penetanguishene, Ontario, led his team to the championship. I love the fact that a world champion "athlete" also manages a Beer Store. Only in Curling. One would never find a douche bag like Landon Donovan working retail, and it's too bad, because maybe his ability to fuck things up on the soccer field could be parlayed into fucking people up w/ beer, just like Glenn Howard does. Although it's originally a Scottish game, the Canucks have taken to it like a goose to water (or like John Candy to coke), and they are really doing well for themselves w/ it. For more information on Curling, check out this absolutely bizarre web-site. Jason and Jean, I think it's right up your second end.

In other sports news, I've volunteered to coach my kids' soccer teams. I'm so freaking excited. They both have a couple friends on their teams and they can't stop talking about how cool it is. They start next week w/ practices on Thursdays and games on Saturdays. They play 4v4 w/ size 3 balls. I imagine it will just be cute as Hell watching them stumble around and try to make sense of the game. I haven't talked to the parents yet, so I have no idea what their experience level is of these kids, but I imagine it's pretty low. I'll have them whipped into shape and looking like Cristiano Ronaldo in no time though. In other soccer news, Jean and I started a MLS Fantasy League. The Premiership one has been a lot of fun and I figured it'd be nice to follow the American league and actually learn who the people are what w/ Beckham joining the league this year. If you're up for making a team, let me know and I'll send you the info.

And in car news, you may remember that about 8 weeks ago my car died. Well, it's finally finished. They wouldn't even order the parts for it until I gave them a hefty down-payment so that put it back a week, but even so, it's been far too long. If I can get to the bank before they close today, I get to pick it up this evening; otherwise, I have to wait until tomorrow morning. Either way, it's nice to know it's finally done. It needed a whole new exhaust system and a couple pistons and cylinders needed to be replaced too. I can't wait to be driving my car again. It's been such a trying 8 weeks, but Stacey and Gerry were nice enough to lone me one of their cars so I could get around in the mean time. A big Visions of Ypsi thank you goes out to them for that.

Live from my bathroom

Since we've got Easter weekend going on, before I get into what's happening, here's a little history about the pagan roots of the holiday. To celebrate properly, there's a happy little neighborhood party going on tonight. In other celebration news, I colored eggs w/ my kids yesterday before taking them to see Gerry at Bombadill's which doesn't seem to actually have a web-site (not even a myspace profile), so instead I'll give y'all the Downtown Ypsi site. The kids had a great time running around and driving some guy who was attempting to work nuts. Once we were home and the kids were in bed, I happened upon The Sound of Music. I hadn't seen it in a few years so I settled in w/ some tea and shortbread. I'm a sucker for good showtunes, and that film definitely has good one... not to mention Nazis. I love watching people fight Nazis too. And then at the end when Cap. von Trapp sings "Edelweiss" to the room full of Austrians after the Anschlause, it always brings a tear to my eye. Even just watching the clip on youtube made me well-up a little. I have the same reaction to the scene in Casablanca when Victor Laszlo leads the crowd through "La Marseille" and drowns out the singing Nazis. Obviously, Casablanca isn't a musical, but it affects me the same way. Before I leave you w/ the clips I just talked about, I'll explain nthe title of this post. I was having trouble getting my lap-top to connect to the wireless network at my house, and I finally fixed it the other night so now I can blog while shitting... I love it.

4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42

Courtesy of Wendy, I came upon a great blog today. This has a Strong focus on Lost... which is why Wendy was interested in it, but there is much more to it than just Lost info. As far as his Lost stuff is concerned though, this dude assigns points to each Lost character every week and keeps a running tally to determine which is the Lost Survivor. There is also your run-of-the-mill blogger junk that one might find on my blog or on Jason's site. And for Wendy, there's this site too: another Lost blog, all about the numbers.

Alec Guinness and April Fools

Yesterday was Sir Alec Guinness's b-day and in celebration, Turner Classic Movies had a marathon of his 1950s comedies. I took a break from grading to lunch and I was able to catch Our Man in Havana. It's a really cool movie written by Graham Greene. Sir Alec Guinness plays a vacuum dealer who gets inadvertently pulled into the world of espionage. He doesn't know what the hell he's doing though so he makes up names and information since he needs the money they're paying him to buy his daughter a horse. Then people who happen to have the names he's used start getting killed and hilarity ensues. A bunch of other Alec Guinness movies were on too, but I had to get back to grading so I guess they'll be left for another day. It's hard to believe, though, that only a few years later he was playing Prince Feisal in Lawrence of Arabia. I might have to watch that tonight, but I made the mistake last night of getting into the new BBC Robin Hood series on On Demand. I suppose I'll just be watching a few episodes of that. The show isn't great, but the swashbuckling sucked me in. The guy playing Robin is too young to have just returned from 5 years in the crusades, and the woman as Marian is odd looking. I have no problem w/ casting less than beautiful woman in action roles, in fact it's a nice change of pace, but considering that it's a big-budget TV show, I'm surprised that the casting director went w/ her.

As far as April 1 goes, I went w/ Warren and Georgina to a festival on Main St: The FestiFools. It was cool, but really brief. It was supposed to go from 4:00-5:00, but was over at 4:10. It featured large hand-made puppets walking down the road while dancing to a drum beat supplied by people banging on plastic buckets. It would have been a cool event had other things been planned, but 10 minutes just wasn't enough. On the ride there, I found out that they had both fallen for the little April Fools post on here. Other April Fools include Stacey, Greg and Jason. Wendy and Shannon saw through it right away though.

Closing Down the Blog

I think this may be my last post. Some changes have recently occurred in my life, and I feel that blogging from here on out might not be a good idea. I know all of you will miss the updates, but I feel this is the best option. I'm turning over a new leaf and I will become a better person. I can't just go on this way anymore so it's time for a change. It's been fun. See you in the real world.