Live From Niagara... Almost

View from our hotel room

We were supposed to stay an extra day, but after yesterday's activities at the African Lion safari, we decided to come home since we were almost 1/2 way back anyway & because Niagara was expensive as Hell. Hence the "almost" from Niagara. I was planning to blog this morning, but I figured we'd still be in Canada. As it is, I'm in my back room watching the kids play Mario Kart. That said, the trip was fantastic. We arrive in Niagara Thursday afternoon & checked into the hotel from which we had a great view of the American Falls. Thurs. night, we drove around a bit to show the kids the area & then got dinner at an over-priced Italian place... the first of many over-priced meals this weekend. I took the kids swimming & then got to bed in order to rest up for the following day. On Fri., after an over-priced shit-ass breakfast buffet, we found a sweet, sweet day pass for 45 bucks a person that got us into 4 attractions plus allowed us to ride the bus all day long.
Attraction 1: The Maid of the Mist
I did this when I was my son's age & then again when I was 12, & I'm glad I got to take my kids on it now. My son was a bit scared as we got close to the falls, but he claims to have loved it & my daughter loved every second of it. She stood by the edge of the boat w/ my dad & had a great time. it was a bit cloudy Fri. morning & rained for a while, but as we were on a boat below the falls, we were getting wet anyway so it didn't really matter.

The Maid of the Mist

Attraction 2: Journey Behind the Falls
I did this w/ my ex when we passed through Niagara on our honeymoon, but I didn't remember it that well. An elevator takes you down into a series of tunnels behind the falls where you can watch the water fall from the inside. It's not as cool as it sounds though since all you can see is spray & mist... like being inside of a cloud. There's an observation deck next to the falls that's pretty cool though. Afterwards, we got another over-priced meal & had to wait in line behind some french Canadian 70s porn star. Why do so many French/Italian/Spanish dudes love the chest hair/gold chain/moustache look? I don't get it. The guy spent 10 minutes changing his order & discussing the options w/ his brother while we waited behind him for an order of veggie California rolls.

Observation deck at the bottom

Attraction 3: White Water Walk
After lunch, we took an elevator down down to the bottom of the gorge for a walk along the rapids. This s where, in Superman II, Lois jumps into the river to prove Clark is Superman. He is able to use his heat vision to burn a branch off of a tree which falls into the water & she grabs to get to safety w/o her seeing he did it & in turn protecting his secret identity. We didn't have any adventures like that, but it was fantastic none-the-less. The water there is 25 feet deep & moving at 25 mph before ending up in the whirlpool that send the river off at a 90 degree angle. It's insane... & absolutely beautiful. When we took the elevator back up, it emptied us in the gift shop, just like the elevators from the other 2 things we'd done. They definitely know how to run a tourist trap.

The rapids... obviously

Attraction 4: The Butterfly Conservatory & Botanical Gardens
This wa cool, but it obviously didn't have anything to do w/ the falls. It's an enormous indoor tropical butterfly garden surrounded by beautiful outdoor gardens & pathways. It was interesting, but my son didn't like the butterflies fluttering around his head. One landed on my mom, which was pretty cool. Overall, though, I don't think i'd do that again. It may have been cooler though, had we not already done 3 other things. We were dragging by that point. This then concluded the 4 inclusive attractions, but not the day as a whole, as I had promissed the kids a trip up the "Street of Fun." I'll write about that and the African Lion Safari later though, as I have to get ready for soccer now.

My mom & a butterfly

Looking for a soul to steal

I hadn't seen Blues Traveler since the 10 shows we saw in the mid-90s culminating at Hill Auditorium in the fall of '96 when they played w/in the same 4 day period as Bela Fleck at EMU & the two Michigan Phish shows that fall, but when my dad claimed he had scored a bunch of free tix I figured it would probably be worth the drive to Meadow Brook. I was absolutely correct. (Scroll down for the full list of BT shows I've seen.) It turned out that they weren't free, per se, they were coupons to get in for 5 bucks. Stacey came over, cut off my Mohawk, & then we drove out to Rochester Hills. We were getting off the express way 40 minutes later... the best time I ever made going out that way. At that point, we had to hook up w/ my parents in the lot to score our tickets & after a couple beers, we went in & I had some less than fantastic Phantom Menace nachos. We also split a $13.00 double Captains & Pepsi which was good, but a bit pricey. As it turned out, BT's set was fantastic though & well worth the 5 bucks, at least once we moved close enough to be able to hear. We could hear the opening band from the lot, but couldn't hear well on the top of the hill at all. Maybe there's some sound ordinance in Rochester Hills that demands they turn it down a bit after a certain time. We were sitting w/ my parents & a group of folks w/ whom they went, but had to ditch them after about 20 minutes. We found a great spot next to the board & right behind some young white punks on dope who were much better than the old white trash on blankets that were sitting next to my parants. It's quite possible that the mix/volume wasn't the problem, but rather the incessant conversations of these douche bags who couldn't shut their fucking pie holes. Some were even sitting w/ their backs to the stage as they carried on about the most pointless drivel. Until, of course, "Run Around," when one woman then complained that the people in front of her were blocking her view of the song she knew. Ditching them was a great idea. We could see a lot better, the sound was great, & their playing was really impressive. They didn't play any of the songs I was hoping to hear, "Whoops," "Sweet Talkin' Hippie," "Gina," "100 Years," Whoops," "Alone" "Mother Funker," "Jaberwock," "Go Outside and Drive," or "Out of My Hands," or anything off of Travelers and Thieves which is ironic because that's the one album of theirs that I can't find right now & it's always been my favorite. Even though I didn't get any of the songs I was hoping for, I had a really good time & was really impressed by Chan's little brother on bass. His solos reminded me more of Otiel or Victor Wooten than of Bobby Sheehan. The keyboardist, the guy from Big Dave & the Ultrasonics, was great too. I didn't know if I'd like their sound w/ keys or not, but it really adds some nice textures. The other things to note were the rearrangements of "Hook" & "The Mountains Win Again." They were both slowed way down & given a sort of Spanish Flamenco feel w/ some sort of military-like percussion... almost like in "Five to One," which is what I thought they were going to play. I also thought they were going into "Stand" a couple times, as two different jams had the "The answers come to those who pray" sound. As for "The Devil Went Down to Georgia," it was always my least favorite cover in a repertoire that includes "Miss You," "Should I Stay or Should I Go," "Blister in the Sun," "Imagine, "Five to One," & "Come Together." It too was fun though & seemed to make sense in the set list. Until they came back to it in the encore, I'd forgotten that they left it unfinished earlier. All in all, they played for 2 1/2 hours & only stopped 4 times. The jams & segues were great. I would highly recommend checking them out some time. I guess, after 20 years, they've gotten it figured out pretty well. not that they were better than they used to be, but maybe a bit tighter & more organized. They're playing a free show in Lima, OH on the 4th, & if I wasn't going to be at Dunegrass, I'd definitely consider making the drive. I think I'll have to check them out again, next time they come around.

Popper prepares to eat his mic... before the gastric Bypass Surgery

Set 1
Sadly A Fiction>
Carolina Blues>
Back In The Day>
The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly>
The Devil Went Down To Georgia>
Run-Around
Just For Me
Money Back Guarantee>
You Reach Me>
All Hands>
Hook
Amber Awaits>
Thinnest Of Air>
Love & Greed
NY Prophesie>
You Lost Me There>
Can't Win True Love>
Mulling It Over>
But Anyway

Encore
The Mountains Win Again>
The Devil Went Down To Georgia

Blues Traveler Shows I've seen:
1994-07-21 H.O.R.D.E. Festival, Pine Knob Music Theatre, Clarkston, MI (w/ Jason, Clifford, the Josher & my ex)
1994-10-13 State Theatre, Detroit, MI (w/ the Josher)
1995-04-02 Hill Auditorium, University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, MI (w/ my ex, the Josher, & 2 of his friends... Mike & Chris)
1995-04-07 Indiana University Auditorium, Indiana University, Bloomington, IN (w/ Jason, Clifford, the Josher, & my ex)
1995-08-20 H.O.R.D.E. Festival, Pine Knob Music Theatre, Clarkston, MI (w/ Jason, Clifford, my ex, the Josher, Mike, Chris, & my ex)
1995-10-26 Hill Auditorium, University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, MI (w/ my ex & a couple of Whole Foodsers: Amy & Jerome)
1995-10-27 Hill Auditorium, University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, MI (w/ my ex) (my favorite BT show ever)
1996-07-14 H.O.R.D.E. Festival, Pine Knob Music Theatre, Clarkston, MI (w/ my ex, Elizabeth, & a bunch of her friends)
1996-07-15 H.O.R.D.E. Festival, Pine Knob Music Theatre, Clarkston, MI (w/ all of the people listed above except the Whole Foodsers)
1996-11-13 Hill Auditorium, University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, MI (w/ Dawn & my ex)
2007-07-24 Meadow Brook Music Festival, Rochester Hills, MI (w/ Stacey & my parents)
For setlist info, click here.

Obligatory Arsenal Post

The 07/08 Premier League season starts in just a few short weeks, & I know you're all on the edge of your seats waiting to see how the Gunners do. Furthermore, if you're interested in joining the Dirty Bastard Fantasy League, make your team & then send me your e-mail & I'll forward you the league code. Thierry Henry, one of the best players in the world over the last 10 years, was transferred to Barcelona, so there's a little concern as to how they will progress w/o him. They picked up Eduardo de Silva from Dinamo Zagreb though, & considering the fact that he's on his way up & Henry may be passed his prime, it seems like a good move. In Henry's wake, Gilberto has been named captain & Cesc Fabregas, an amazing 19 year old, has been given the vice-captaincy... probably to persuade him to stay rather than going to Real Madrid who offered him a shit-load of cash this summer. Along w/ Eduardo, they've also picked up Barcay Sagna, another fantastic French defender, but speaking of French defenders, it sounds like Gallas may be on the way out, which bums me out a bit as he is a fantastic central defender & Senderos isn't good enough to be stepping into a starting role. W/ the new acquisitions, they started their pre-season friendlies 2 weeks ago by beating up on Barnet 2-0, & then last week they played Genclerbirligi 3-0 w/ van Persie getting 2 & Theo Walcott getting 1. Check out the highlights from the game here: 1st Half & 2nd Half. Next up is a friendly in Salzburg on the 25th followed by The Emirates Cup next weekend when they'll face Paris Saint-Germain & Inter-Milan. Then, during Dunegrass, they'll be in the Amsterdam Tournament playing Lazio & Ajax, before the season starts on the 11th. Along w/ the few personnel changes, they also have a pair of new away jerseys: a white one for the Premiership & a striped 3rd jersey for Champions League away games... it looks like Barcelona on its side.

Eduardo in the new white shirt

Fabregas in the stripes

The Celtic Festival

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Railroad Earth

The main problem w/ hippie music is all the hippies it attracts. Particularly this one older Ann Arbor hippie I've run into at shows over the last 15 years. He's this late 40s rich asshole I first saw at a Deep Space show, but I remember him from H.O.R.D.E. fests, Further Fests, Phish shows and Allman Brothers concerts. I think I heard once that he's a doctor or something which affords him the opportunity to see so many shows. Unfortunately for the rest of us, it has also given him the ability to act as though he is the shit. I imagine some of you know him. He can often be seen drumming or prancing around in his afro-like mullet (until recently when he finally cut it). I ran into him again at the Blind Pig the other night. Or rather, he ran into me... w/ both hands as he moved me over and took my spot on the floor. Asshole then tried to do it again, but that's when I took it upon myself to spill my beer on his back. Other than that, the hippies were alright, but the young ones made me realize how ridiculous we must have been back when we were younger. Other than him, the crowd was fun though & I ran into a bunch of people I hadn't seen in a while. The staff at the Pig was another story though. We walked in & had to get our hands stamped & get a wristband. We waited for the door guy to take our tickets while he then ignored us & talked to his buddy. Dawn finally asked if he needed them; his reply was, "No, you're all set." As we started walking away, the douche yells "Hey! here are you going? I need your tickets!" Dawn & I looked at each other & I had a really hard time not giving him shit for his attitude. We proceeded to the bar where I got a $3.25 mug of Guinness... which turned out to be the smallest mug of beer I've ever seen. To make matters worse, the bar tender charged me $3.75. When I pointed to the price list & questioned his pricing, he just said, "$3.75 tonight." While I'm n expert in consumer rights, I know that one can't charge more than the advertised price. I didn't have many options though, so I just gave him a 25 cent tip to go along w/ my middle finger. Nikki & her friends then got a pitcher but had an extra glass. I took it & placed it on a table for them w/o realizing the table was the Railroad Earth merch table. Their self-important merch lady came running up to me yelling, "Hey, don't leave you shit on my table! What's your problem?" These 3 incidents happened in the 1st 5 minutes we were there so by the time asshole hippie started pushing, I'd had about enough. I don't know how I maintained my control & avoided getting thrown out. If it wasn't for the fantastic bluegrass, I'd have left right away. Railroad Earth is damn good though; they played for about 2 1/2 hours & they're really tight. I can't wait to see them at Dunegrass next month. It should be a great time.

I'm quite the mother fucker

sThe Sun-Burned Mother Fucker:
I went to the beach yesterday w/ Stacey & we thought it would be a good idea to do a little skinny dipping. Aside from the fact that I didn't put sun screen on my lower back, it was a good idea (at least it was just my lower back... it could have been much worse). We had a great time floating around in the middle of the lake for 4 hours. Aside from the major burn on my back, the only other problems were the cramp in my leg... I hadn't even eaten w/in the danger time of 20 minutes... & the moment when I lost my suit. It had been affixed to the raft upon which I'd been hanging, but when I suddenly noticed it was gone & then had the realization that the beach was crowded, I understandably freaked out. You might ask why skinning dipping in the first place. Well, the same drunken party that inspired my Mohawk also inspired a great fundraising idea for the pool: after hours adult skinny dipping for 20 bucks a person. Stacey then realized that if that were to happen, she would require the always popular "all over tan." People seemed to love the idea, & when I ran it passed Eric (the pool guy) the other day, he seemed to think it might be alright. I got a good start on the all over tan (other than my lower back which has an all over burn) & I found my suit so no indecency had to occur. It was floating about 15' away. I'm damn lucky it didn't sink.
The Out-of-Shape Mother Fucker:
I went running this morning for the 1st time in quite a while... not counting the running that happens while playing soccer. I was dead in less than a mile. I ended up making a mile & a half, but it wasn't pretty. I used to run 3-4 miles a day, but I suppose it will take a while to get back to that. My 1st inclination was to blame the heat, but who am I foolin'? I'm just in rough shape. I need to pick things up too because I've been tapped to head up an over 30 soccer team to bridge the gap between the Canton over 40s & Jean's team of 20somethings. I think it'd be a lot of fun, but if I can't run for 45 minutes, I don't think it's a good idea. Which means I'll be out there in the heat a lot for the next couple months.
The Hot Mother Fucker:
Speaking of soccer, we've been playing a neighborhood pick-up game on Sunday mornings, but this week was a bit ridiculous. Surprisingly, no one threw up or passed out, but if the temp doesn't let up, I can't make any promises about next week. We played 7v7 for 2 hours & I thought a few of us were going to die. If you hadn't noticed, it's hot as a mother fucker out there this week. I even had to haul the air-conditioner up stairs & hang out in my bedroom w/ it & Mallrats after the game.
The Excited Mother Fucker:
I started the Premier League Fantasy League, The DB2, the other day. As of now, there are 3 teams registered. Jason, you need to get off your ass & do it so as to defend your title. The Purple Cobras will be going down this year just as they're going down in the MLS league. Joining the league is simple, as is maintaining your team, so if any of you would be interested in playing, go here to register & create your team & I'll send you the invitation to the league.

Happy 5th of July

Yesterday started out as average as most days. I put rearranged my CDs so as to make more room for my books & then I saw the end of the parade. Jimmy John's & a viewing of The Man Who Would Be King lead into the evening party where things went a bit awry. It was a theme party where we were supposed to eat & drink foods that represented Amaricana from the mid-20th century... jello, casseroles, mac & cheese, etc. We enjoyed some Old Fashioneds, some Schlitz, & a few (6 or 7) rounds of shots. We stared w/ Moon Shots, Kaluha, Rumplemintz & Bourbon, but we quickly moved on to the Jagermeister which in turn lead to the new hair style. At about midnight, after Matt & Andy shot off an ass load of Roman candles, it seemed a though my hair needed changing. We adjurned to Stacey's kitchen where Kate had her way w/ me. Enjoy the pics.

Schlitz: the beer that made Milwaukee famous

Cut my hair & you too will have access to my nipples!

Artist & Model

The People's Party

For the last month & a half, people have been on me to host another party, so I finally caved & had everyone over last night. Technically, it was supposed to be my birthday party, but it was also Dawn's b-day. Mine was actually last week, & when that fact is coupled w/ Dawn's b-day & the public outcry for the gathering, it only seems fair to call it the People's Party rather than trying to associate it solely w/ my b-day. I cleaned all day & my sister & her husband showed up early to take the kids to the pool so I could finish up & shower which was fantastic. As they were getting back, I was already working on my 1st of 3 Mexican Slayrides: a glass of Negra Modelo w/ a shot or 2 of rum... fantastic! Most of you are well aware of the origin of the Slayride, but for the few of you who aren't in the know, I'll explain. Last fall, Jean & I were watching the pilot episode of The A-Team which is called "Mexican Slayride." Until that point, we'd been living under the ridiculous misconception that "Slayride" was spelled "sleigh ride." We were a couple of simple, simple fools. Of course, the first thing that we both thought was that it sounded like a sexual position, so we proceeded to figure out what it would be: missionary anal while doing a line off of the woman's tits (down one & up the other). Then, last week at Deep Space, I brought in a pint of Captain Morgan's & needed a place to dispense it. I bought a Negra Modelo into which the rum was poured, & it was like the first time a dude eating peanut butter walked into a dude eating chocolate. I'd had rum in Corona before, but I'm not a big Corona fan. This, on the other hand, is straight from the Gods. Try a slayride, you won't be sorry. Annette's interest in Jagermeister also meant that we had to polish off a pint of that along w/ a pint of Petron. I also had my 1st (but certainly not last) Mint Julep. Along w/ the healthy dose of booze, we had tons & tons of great food. People brought instruments and jammed on the deck until 3:00 AM. Warren even brought a full size keyboard & his accordion. I got some great presents including a couple bottles of Scotch & a couple of books, & all of the ladies pitched in & got me a gift certificate for a fucking utilikilt! Brook, Laura, & Andy all brought cake & they were all fantastic. Andy's even had a fountain in it so it looked like it was pissing. Pretty cool. In a couple months, once this hangover is gone, we'll have to come up w/ a reason to have another People's Party.

I took lots of pictures, but I'm still getting used to the settings on my new camera so many didn't turn out too well. I took a bunch of what seemed like good shots, but they were pretty blurrly. I need to spend a bit of time playing w/ the different settings so I can get them less blurry. Here's a sampling of the best of the lot:

Everybody was kung fu fighting

My 3 lovely ladies

Rock & Roll!

Mega Maid

When my ex & I moved in together back in 1996, our first joint purchase was a vacuum cleaner from Target. If I remember right, Jason came w/ us & then we went to the movies. It was our 1st of many trips to the Ann Arbor Target on Ann Arbor Saline Rd. We even had to call for directions... funny considering how often I go there & support the child labor that goes into so many of their products. Not funny that I'm so willing to buy cheap products from South East Asia, but funny that I didn't know where it was. That vacuum has been on the fritz for a while now, but I've been using it none-the-less because I wasn't up on the idea of shelling out the $$$$ for a new one. Not that we paid much for the first one, I think it was only $39.99, but I could always think of better things to spend it on... beer, books, whiskey, strippers, etc. Well, I went to Target yesterday & bought a new one, a Dirt Devil Jaguar Feather Weight Bagless Upright. It's fucking sweet! (And it was only $59.99. I remember when our first vacuum was going through rubber belts pretty quickly & the guy at the vacuum store told me that I should get a really good one that will last, you know, spend $600.00 on a vacuum. Hell no, mother fucker! 40 bucks for 10 years; if I can get 10 years out of this one too, I think I'll be doing pretty well. After I put it together, I cleaned the purple room and my bedroom and filled the bagless filth receptacle. I didn't even do behind the chairs, TV, or dresser yet: just the main open part of the floor. I couldn't believe what a difference it makes. It even feels different when you walk on the carpet now. I'm off to vacuum upstairs and to get behind all the furniture. I'm so excited.

Weird Friday Night

I was watching Fight Club for the first time ever on Friday night when the phone rang. Rang might not really be the right word anymore though, but the ring tone went off none-the-less. My friend Amy (whom you will all remember from my afternoon at Sidetrack during Oberon Day) called and wanted to me to meet her and a few of her old friends for a beer at Pub 13 after the Deja Vu Music Extravaganza in Ypsi. I wasn't really enjoying Fight Club, which I was surprised by since so many people shit their pants over that film, so I turned it off and went for a pint. I couldn't find at first until I realized that by old friends she didn't mean people she'd known a long time, but rather people who were really old, like in their 70s. We sat for a few minutes & then one of the couples invited us back to their house for more drinks. To quote the Mad Hatter, I couldn't very well have less since I hadn't had any yet, so we went down the street to their sweet sweet old historic home. You may think old and historic are redundant, but many home are old w/o the historic cultural capital & many are restored historic home which aren't really that old. This one is pre-Civil War & was awesome. The other thing that was awesome was their desire to let me drink whatever I wanted. I found a bottle of The Glenlivet & was told to drink as much as pleased me. They didn't have to tell me twice... I finished it & moved on to a decanter of something else. Glenlivet is far from my favorite, but it isn't often that someone offers up 2/3 of a bottle. We were all sitting around talking when Betsie Four (that's not actually her name, but it's close, and it does have a number in it: WTF?), one of the owners of the house, the one responsible for all of the restorations, decides it would be a good idea to smoke a little contraband. (I changed her name since it's so rare & I decided to out her illicit activities.) She gets out this old wooden box containing an old pipe, a roach clip, a broken scale and a baggie that had next to no pot in it. In her drunken state, she proceeded to throw it in the garbage can and then spend the next 20 minutes looking for it. This was still pretty early on in the evening so I could tell we were in for an interesting night. I fixed her scale while they elder-folk smoked their dope, but I'm still not certain why she needed a scale in the 1st place. There is no way in hell this woman is dealing or even buying large enough quantities for it to matter, but whatever, it gave me something to do while they got high. She then asked me how old I am & when I told her I'd be 33 on Tuesday (yes, for those of you not keeping score, it's my b-day today & I'm spending it writing this ridiculous little story), she proceeds to tell me that she has lingerie older than me. I didn't know what to say to that so I just claimed I didn't believe it because it doesn't last that long. She then leaned over & whispered in my ear, "It's true, I save it all & if you saw it, it would give you a huge hard on." Again, I didn't know what to say, so I grabbed Amy & told her & we had a good laugh. Betsie Four's friend had already told me she used to be a dominatrix, like 40 years ago, & that she loved tying people up & whipping them. The lingerie comment takes the cake though. It was one of the most disturbing things I'd ever heard. After that we listened to the Allmans for a bit & took the hell off. Those old dudes certainly know how to party, but holy shit, they certainly know how to creep me out too.

Happy Birthday to me, eh?

The Gold Cup Final

We left Ypsi about 9:45 (Eastern Time) heading for the 2:00 (Central Time) game in Chicago. I'd never been to Soldier Field before, & all I really knew about it was from pictures of The Grateful Dead playing there. It was renovated a couple years ago & it's really cool, but doesn't resemble the old pictures at all. I was driving & making sweet sweet time; we got to Gary in 3 hours at which point Dan & I both noticed the smell of sausage in the air. When Elizabeth asked what the stench was, we both answered at the same time. I said kielbasa & he claimed hot dogs, but either way, it was clear we were getting close. After navigating our way through the South Side to avoid construction on I 90, we pulled into the lot about 1:15 (Central Time). For those of you not up on the conversions, that's 3 hours to Gary & then an hour & a half to the parking lot. The drive was nice though... we stopped at an A&W to use the rest room & my sister claimed there was a woman shooting up in the can. That's classy. The walk from the parking lot to the gate was long as hell too, though & my father wa having a rough time of it. I would have dropped him off at the gate, but we didn't realize how far away we were. I asked a security dude if he could get a ride to the gate... no dice. I asked a second guy who was actually in a golf cart... no dice... "I'm working here. I can't cart people around. I'll get in trouble." I asked him how much trouble there will be when my father collapses on the asphalt. He then decided to acquiesce to my request. We then met him at the gate and proceeded to look for a handicapped entrance so he could take an elevator up to our level. 1st guy: " Nope, there aren't any elevators in there, but if you go that way, it's all ramps." Once we found that there were stairs in place of the ramps we stopped and asked another guy. 2nd guy: "I can take you up this VIP elevator, but there aren't any wheel chairs available." We were making progress, & guy #1 was obviously a douche bag. We ended up going up a freight elevator where we found a woman who got a wheel chair & ensured the dude who brought it would be there at the end to help my father back out. It was obvious that guy #2 wasn't as douche baggy as guy #1, but not as in the know as woman #1. Once we got beer & I scored some Phantom Menace nachos, we proceeded to our seats about 20 minutes into the 1st half.

The game was pretty evenly matched, but Mexico scored w/ about 10 minutes to go in the 1st half. I think there were 2 people offsides during the play, but neither was called& in the replays on TV, they don't show the play from that early. The dude who passed the ball over the mid-field line passed it to someone who was offsides & then he in turn passed it to someone who was off sides. From there, it progressed up the field & no one else was off sides. The US defense looked like shit though as the ball got slotted between a bunch of people to a wide open striker. The crowd in Chicago was about 80% Mexican fans & the place went fucking nuts. I snapped a couple pictures of the celebration, but was feeling as though the drive + the long walk were going to equal a shitty Father's Day present for my dad.

It turns out that the whole was greater than the sum of its parts. In the 62nd minute a questionable penalty kick was called when Brian Ching went down in the box & Landon Donovan took a great shot to tie the all time US international scoring record. He has 34 international goals & he's only 25 years old. It would have been nice to see him break the record, but watching him tie it was pretty cool too. This by no means makes me a fan of either Donovan or Ching, but I have to give Donovan credit... he's a scoring machine. When Beckham lands in LA next month, the 2 of them will be unstoppable. A draw & extra time looked like a suitable end since the teams were so evenly matched, but then off of a corner kick a Mexican defender cleared the ball and Filhaber nailed it into the far corner from about 25 yards. The majority of the crowd fell silent, but Dan & I lit it up. I turned to the sea of Mexican fans and said, "Come on Mexico, make some noise... 2nd place is still pretty good. You're better than most of the teams in the tournament." This made no one happy (other than Dan & my dad... even Elizabeth was pissed). Someone was wearing a Marquez shirt (Marquez is the Mexican central defender & he plays for Barcelona who just finished 2nd in the Spanish league), & I told him Marquez must really enjoy finishing 2nd to do it on 2 different teams this month. Looks of murder formed in his eyes & I could totally see myself falling into the "football hooligan lifestyle." Someone then threw a roll of toilet paper onto the field & the Mexican goalie, Sanchez, proceeded to remove it. The shouts from others about Mexicans cleaning up the grass didn't surprise me, but they seemed a bit the racist claims were obviously uncalled for. Dan, however, yelled, "That's right, Dirty Sanchez, clean yourself up w/ that toilet paper!" That was totally called for & fucking hilarious. At this point, a couple of angry, drunken Mexican fans started throwing beer on us, but it wasn't the 1st time that happened to me & I doubt it will be the last. When the beer chucker was leaving before the medal ceremony, I asked him why he didn't want to stay & support his 2nd place team. Elizabeth pushed me away before he had the chance to hit me like he so wanted.
My father & Dan waited for us to pick them up by the gate & apparently met John Harks, a US star from the early 1990s. Elizabeth & I got the car, but it took forever to get to the gate because all the roads were blocked off. I finally asked a cop w/ a Ditka-Stache how to get there & he asked, "Why would you even want to go there?" Nice, "Um, to pick up a handicapped person at the gate" dumb ass. Soldier field: Douche bags, Ditka-Staches and the stench of sausage.
The drive home was pretty uneventful aside from the fact that we nearly ran out of gas trying to get to I 94 before we pulled off. We then stopped for dinner in Chesterton, IN at Gelsosomo's Pizzeria. The food was fantastic & they had Indiana Jones: The Pinball Adventure! I fucking rocked! At 8:00 central, we were back on the road & killed the next hour & a half alphabetically listing breweries: Arbor Brewing Company, Blue Moon, Coors, Duvel, E & B, Fat Tire, etc, etc. We then switched to names of countries, but that didn't last long. By the time we got to Zimbabwe, we were on the home stretch & a good day was had by all... except the plethora Mexican fans.

Running Errands

I had to go to the Secretary of State's office yesterday to get my fancy new white licence plate & renew my driver's licence. My kids were pissed off that we had to wait for so long, but it was a good lesson in patience. It was also a good lesson in human body odor. I swear, every time I go there I feel I should have wallowed in pig shit first so I won't stand out as the only non-ass smelling person there. It's as though every mother fucker in there has run 5 miles after taking a shit & refusing to wipe. I understand that there is a broad cross-section of the population there because it's an obligation everyone who owns a car has to endure, but why is the cross-section of the population so fucking stinky? It's not the first time I've noticed this either; in fact, it's gotten to the point where I feel I need to take a deep breath & hold it when I walk in there to avoid the reeking filth as long as I can. At some point, I start to turn blue though, & the 45 minute wait is 43 minutes longer than I can hold my breath. Even Yorgos Haggi Statti would suffer in this place. I started to wonder if it wasn't the people but rather the actual office that stinks, kinda like Seinfeld's car in that episode about BO, but that just doesn't seem logical. If it's the office itself, one would think those poor state employees would do something about it like a deep steam cleaning. Once the old odor adaptation occurred it was finally my turn at the counter. I had to take the quick eye test before renewing the licence & for the first time, I had to do it w/ my glasses on. I'd never been unable to read the first line w/o them before. I guess that's something that just comes w/ age though, & as I'm starting to get up there I should start expecting these things more often. Maybe next time I need a new licence I'll have to remove my toupee for the photo or shine up my glass eye & polish my prosthetics.

Today, I had to go to Jo-Ann Fabrics and Crafts to get a needle & thread in order to mend some buttons. I'd never bought a needle or thread before, but those of you who have been paying attention over the last couple years will remember that I'm no stranger to Jo-Ann's. I worked @ the one in Canton my 1st couple years of college. In fact, it was a scheduling conflict there that lead to my 1st ever firing when the good people at Little Ceasar's suddenly refused to honor my schedule & demand that I work while I was also supposed to be working @ the fabric store. Of course, this was by no means my last firing as I was later "let go" from a steel plant in South Lyon after complaining to the owner about my boss who had called me a "Nigger lover." Why I was the one punished in that situation, I have no idea, but I suppose racism may be par-for-the-course in South Lyon and my complaint may have been expressing the minority view out there. While we're on the topic of this odd digression, check out this little number featuring Richard Pryor & Chevy Chase. Anyway, back to the Jo-Ann Fabrics story. I walk in there this afternoon and people stare d at me as though I had lobsters crawling out of my ears. "A man in this store? And he's actually buying something???" Now I know how women feel when people are surprised that they know how to read & vote. As if I'm the first single guy to have lost a button. Admittedly, my 1st thought was just to buy new shorts, but I decided against that option. I even bought a pin cushion so I won't need to get new needles every time this issue comes up.

As seen on The Colbert Report

I just saw this shit on Colbert; it's insane. Everyone knows diet pills are sketchy, but you need to read about the "treatment effects" of Alli. This is some crazy stuff... so much so that you may need to wear dark pants.

This Past Weekend

On Father's Day, we had a nice brunch and then proceeded to my game. Although the season ends next week, this was my last game because I'm taking my dad to the Gold Cup Final at Soldier Field in Chicago next Sunday. Being my last game, I decided to make the most of it and score a SWEET SWEET goal while my kids cheered from the sideline. It was awesome. My brother then proceeded to get a shutout in goal and we won 1-0. I know you all love the soccer updates on here, so while this one is basically done, you can rest assured an Arsenal post will follow shortly as the schedule was just released as were Arsenal's new jerseys... not to mention the major transfer news that is supposed to be released soon.

Yesterday, I had to take my kids to Brighton to meet up w/ their mom and we drove through Taco Bell on the way. My daughter wanted a soft taco w/ beans instead of meat, but believe it or not, the Taco Bell taco engineers weren't on their game and gave her a beef taco. I'd gone over the order 3 or 4 times w/ the drive through guy so the fact that I then had to go inside pissed me off. It pissed my daughter off too; she even asked the dude at the register how hard it really is to make a bean taco. After she and I over reacted for a few minutes and were feeling absolutely like the bad mother fuckers we are, the "Theme to Shaft" came on their in-store radio. It was perfect. She didn't quite understand, but it was almost as sweet as my goal. We were both the cats that wouldn't cop out, in fact, we made Shaft look like Shaft in Africa!

On my way home from Brighton, I had to take back-roads due to the construction, and as I passed the Argo Livery in Ann Arbor, I decided, on a whim, to go kayaking. I hadn't been canoeing in years, & I'd never gone kayaking before, but the day was so beautiful and I just happened to have a little cash on me so I threw down the 24 bucks & had a great time. The fact that I'd never been in a kayak was made abundantly clear when I tried to pull over to the side but made a 90 degree turn & got caught in the current & subsequently flipped over & sank. The sat the kayak on the bottom of the Huron River while my flip-flops, my hat, my shirt & my life preserver were floating away. I saved all but the hat & finally pulled the kayak to shore and emptied it out. Not before a few people saw though. Maybe I'm not quite the bad mother fucker I'd been lead to believe I was.

No, I am, as evidenced by happy hour at Haabs. I met Greg for a drink at Sidetrack and then went to Haabs to meet up w/ Stacey. People had been telling me to go there for quite a while, but for some reason I never did. Holy Shit!!! It's awesome. Drinks & appetizers are all 2 bucks each. I had 2 Manhattans, an Old Fashioned, & shrimp cocktail while Stacey had a gin and tonic, an old fashioned & a rusty nail. We both slapped down 10 bucks & were out of there drunk as skunks. I proceeded to my brother's softball game & then to the Tap Room for a couple more beers.

Kids, Kids, Kids

Part 1
I took the kids to the beach yesterday. My sister had been telling me about this little lake off of Ann Arbor Rd in Superior Township for years. Apparently, she used to sneak in as a trunk monkey when she was in high school. I'd heard these stories for years, but you can't see the lake from the road, so it would slip my mind whenever I was thinking about going swimming. Well, she mentioned it to Stacey at the kids' last soccer game (more on that in a moment), and Stacey bought a membership. It's kind of pricey, but she took us as her guest yesterday and the place is great. There are two lakes, Murray lake is the bigger one and then if you drive through the woods, there is a smaller, more kid friendly lake w/ a cool little island in the middle. They also have camping in the woods and a soccer field.
Part 2
Speaking of soccer fields, the kids had their last games of the season last weekend. My daughter's team never won a game, but watching them get better every week was awesome. She didn't really seem to enjoy it at first, but by the end she was having a blast. She even got a great assist. My son, on the other hand, never lost a game. In fact, they won by about 10 goals every time. I did everything I could to try to hold down the score, but it never seemed to work. My biggest mistake was explaining to him what a hat-trick is because he then just tried to score all the time. He knocked in 4 in the last game including one that was going in anyway when he tapped it over the line and stole the goal from another kid on his team. All in all, we all had great times and I can't wait to do it again in the fall.
Part 3
We watched a couple films last night after we got back from swimming, The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl & The Fantastic Four, neither of which was very good. SB and LG was complete shit, in fact. I was disappointed because Robert Rodriguez did such a good job w/ the Spy Kids movies. My daughter picked it because her first choice, The Love Bug, was out. We watched Herbie, Fully Loaded last week & she freakin' loved it. I'd never seen a Lindsay Lohan film before... I wasn't very impressed w/ her, but the movie was alright. The Fantastic Four, on the other hand, was better than I expected. The main problem is similar to my main issue w/ X-Men. It's too short so there is no time to develop the characters or give a damn about the bad guy. Obviously, they've been developed for decades in the comics, but the films should still take time to introduce people w/in the context of the story line & for the people who aren't comic book nerds.