Tucker Max and Roller Derby

As readers of Visions, you must know you are constantly in danger of getting spammed by whatever whim I happen to be experiencing on any given day. Well, I know I talked about this last summer, but for you new readers, here is a little more Tucker Max info. I started re-reading I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell the other day, and it cracked my shit up as much tehe second time as the first time. My brother gave it to me for my b-day while we were at Conor O'Neill's in June watching the Argentina v Mexico game, but I was a bit sceptical at first. It's well worth the read though. You can read a lot of his stories at his web-site, but here's a little taste of the "The Famous 'Sushi Pants' Story," the story I was reading when I finally got up the nerve to ask out the super-cute waitress. The premise of the story is that he has a portable breathalyzer and wants to see how high he can register.

10:06: The people at my table begin talking about energy healing. Everyone is mesmerized by a girl who took a class in it. I tell them that energy healing is a worthless and solipsistic pseudo-science. They think energy healing is a real science because the instructor of the girl's class went to Harvard. One guy calls it a "legitimate, certifiable science," while making air quotes with his fingers. I tell them that they are all (while imitating his air quotes) "legitimate, certifiable idiots" because they believe in horse-shit like energy healing. Two girls call me close-minded. I tell them that they are so open-minded that their brains leaked out. They all glare at me with disapproval. I hate everyone at my table.
10:08: I have completely tuned out their inane conversation. I am slamming down straight vodka as fast as the low-rent wanna-be Ethan Hawke waiter can bring it. I blow every three minutes, watching my BAC slowly creep up.
10:10: .07
10:17: .08. I am no longer legally eligible to drive in the state of Florida. I announce this fact to no one in particular.
10:26: .09
10:27: I decide that I am going to see how drunk I can get and still be functional. I know that .35 BAC kills most people. I think that .20 is a good goal.

The fact that I was reading this is rather ironic, but the full extent of the irony can't really be explained at this time. Stay tuned... maybe someday I'll be able to lay some of that old time truth on you.

In other spam news, I'm going to Roller Derby tomorrow night w/ Stacey and Gerry and the cute waitress. It should definitely be an interesting "double date." If y'all remember, we went a couple months ago and had a drunken good time. I've been refraining from the imbibing since last weekend's excessive craziness, but we'll see how tomorrow goes. It's such a great time... I recommend you all go tomorrow... and readers like Jason in far off lands, you need to find a local Derby and check it out or you need to get your ass to Michigan so you can go here.
Oh, and speaking of Spam... this seems appropriate: